PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a middleweight MMA rules bout between Eyehate Condoms (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Kevin Sullivan (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Condoms's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, call to prayer. Sullivan is bobbing his head along to his entrance song: . Kevin Sullivan told me before the fight that he's been watching a lot of DVDs so let's see if that helps him in this one! I can't wait to find out!

Condoms
vs
Sullivan

188 cm
25
194 lbs
15 - 5 - 0

185 cm
27
200 lbs
11 - 11 - 0

BJJ Purple Belt
Excellent boxer
Cardio machine

Good wrestler
Excellent boxer
Good gas tank

Jihad Fight Gear-Cage Wars version
Jihad Fight Gear-Cage Wars version

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the middleweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 15 - 5 - 0, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Eyehate Condoms!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 11 - 11 - 0, fighting out of Hilo, Kevin Sullivan!
The judges for this bout are , and .

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Condoms misses with a double jab
and Sullivan counters with a stiff right hand.
Condoms throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Sullivan throws a big shot that misses.
Condoms takes a swing at Sullivan's ribcage but misses.
Sullivan lunges in with swinging rights and lefts but Condoms circles away quickly and effectively.
Condoms lands a leg kick that knocks Sullivan off balance momentarily.
Nice straight punches there by Sullivan. You know Roy Jones Jr respects the hands of Sullivan.
A swing and a miss from Sullivan.
Sullivan throws a big shot that misses.
Condoms tries a head kick but it misses.
A telegraphed right hand from Condoms misses the target.
Condoms takes a shot to the body in his stride.
A jab from Condoms does it's job there.
Eyehate Condoms seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Condoms slips a straight right by Sullivan.
Condoms avoids a punch combination nicely.
Sullivan misses with a hook
and Condoms connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
A chopping leg kick lands by Condoms.
Sullivan tries to land a leg kick but Condoms saw it coming and moves away.
Sullivan on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by Condoms. Condoms obviously looking to wear him down.
A slapping leg kick lands for Condoms.
Condoms avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Sullivan jabs Condoms to the body, keeping him at a distance.
Condoms throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Sullivan shakes his hands off, looking to compose himself, but takes a jab to the jaw whilst he does it.
Sullivan will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Condoms dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Nice shot by Sullivan.
Condoms throws a push kick but Sullivan slaps the foot to one side.
Sullivan blocks a head kick by Condoms.
Condoms dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Sullivan. That did some damage!
Sullivan misses with a combination
and Condoms counters with an inside leg kick.
The fighters circling - Sullivan throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Condoms pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Nice uppercut lands for Condoms. That snapped Sullivan's head back.
Condoms fakes a jab and scores with a low kick.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Condoms misses with a double jab.
Sullivan misses with a jab, cross combination.
Condoms uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Sullivan.
Condoms works the jab nicely.
Sullivan throws an overhand right that lands on Condoms's shoulder, as Condoms tries to avoid the shot.
Condoms dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Sullivan. That did some damage!
Condoms slips a straight right by Sullivan.
Condoms looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.
Condoms lands a pitter patter jab to the forehead of his opponent.
Condoms misses with the combination.
Condoms wants to slow Sullivan down by chopping away at his legs.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Sullivan on the wrong end of a nice low kick. He's acting like it's no big deal but he doesn't want to take many more of those.
Sullivan lands a body shot.
Sullivan throws the left hand but Condoms avoids the punch easily.
Condoms misses with a leg kick.
Sullivan might want to mix his strikes up a bit more. He's just going for head shots at the moment and that can become a bit predictable.
Sullivan misses with a series of wild punches.
Sullivan avoids a punch combination nicely.
Condoms throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Condoms lands a nice looking kick to the body. Sullivan takes a step back to recover.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Condoms throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Eyehate Condoms dominated that round.
That's time! Back to the action!

Condoms throws a sloppy head kick
and Sullivan counters with a right hand to the body.
Condoms throws a head kick that connects with a bit of head and a bit of hand.
Sullivan steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Condoms.
Sullivan ducks under a wild hook from Condoms.
A jab from Condoms does it's job there.
Nice body kick there by Condoms.
Condoms on the wrong end of an overhand right that came out of nowhere.
Condoms avoids the body shot from Sullivan.
Eyehate Condoms is winning the standup battle so far.
Sullivan on the wrong end of a decent looking cross there.
Condoms keeps his opponent at a distance with a nice jab.
Sullivan misses with a hook
and Condoms finishes the little exchange by landing a big kick to the body.
Some wild striking there from Sullivan.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
A jab from Sullivan does it's job there.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Condoms tries to score with a leg kick but it misses it's target.
Condoms throws a head kick that misses.
Condoms misses with a head kick.
Condoms misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Condoms misses with a body shot.
Sullivan's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.
Nice uppercut lands for Sullivan. That snapped Condoms's head back.
Sullivan rushes in with a sloppy looking punch
and Condoms counters with an outside leg kick.
Sullivan misses the jab.
Condoms connects with a leg kick. Sullivan looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
Sullivan avoids a kick to the body.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Condoms misses with an uppercut. Sullivan saw that one coming.
Condoms tries a head kick but it misses.
Sloppy strikes from Condoms. Those never looked like landing.
Sullivan throws a hook to the side of Condoms's head but Condoms sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Nice defenses there by Condoms.
Sullivan takes a swing at Condoms's ribcage but misses.
Condoms throws a body punch but Sullivan moves out of range.
Condoms misses with a low kick.
Sullivan misses with a straight left.
Sullivan swinging wildly here.
Sullivan bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Condoms's head.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Sullivan misses with a lunging right hand
and Condoms counters with a big head kick but Sullivan shrugs it off.
Sullivan keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Condoms scores with the left hand. Sullivan knows he should have avoided that one.
Condoms misses with a low kick.
Condoms is looking to chop away at Sullivan's legs.
Sullivan moves out of range as Condoms strikes.
Condoms misses with a hook. Sullivan ducked under it nicely.
An inside leg kick from Condoms misses.
A looping hook to the body misses from Sullivan. Condoms does a little dance to reset his feet.
Sullivan blocks a head kick by Condoms.
Sullivan misses with a body shot.
Sullivan wants to clinch.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Sullivan moves out of range as Condoms strikes.
Condoms works the jab nicely.
Sullivan scores with a decent looking hook.
Condoms connects with a solid leg kick.
Condoms throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Sullivan thows a body shot but no joy.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Condoms scores with a jab to the jaw.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Sullivan moves out of range of the strikes.
A looping hook to the body misses from Sullivan. Condoms does a little dance to reset his feet.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Eyehate Condoms dominated that second round.
That's the end of the interval. I'm sure that seemed a lot quicker than a minute for our two fighters! Back to the action. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final round!

Good shot there by Sullivan.
Sullivan closes the distance and lands a one-two.
Nice cross by Sullivan.
Condoms takes a jab on the nose. He smiles like he loves it and keeps coming.
Sullivan lands a nice looking body shot.
Condoms avoids the body shot from Sullivan.
Condoms throws a right hand that Sullivan ducks under and follows up with a left that Sullivan also avoids with ease.
Condoms turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Condoms fakes a jab and scores with a low kick.
Condoms throws a right and a left that Sullivan avoids nicely.
Condoms throws a body kick that misses.
Sullivan checks a leg kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Condoms throws a combination. Sullivan tries to block but a couple of punches get through.
Condoms throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
Condoms avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Condoms tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Sullivan blocks a leg kick.
Good standup being displayed there by Condoms as he connects with a hook.
A lazy left from Condoms finds it's target.
Condoms avoids the body shot from Sullivan.
Condoms throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Sullivan scores with a shot to the body.
Nice uppercut there from Sullivan.
Condoms throws out a leg kick but Sullivan moves out of range and Condoms only half commits.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Sullivan ducks under a wild hook from Condoms.
Condoms moves his head to the side to avoid a jab but walks straight into a cross.
Some wild striking there from Sullivan.
Condoms throws a leg kick that misses.
Condoms lands with a slapping head kick.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Sullivan misses with a series of wild punches.
A shot to the body from Sullivan misses
and Condoms counters with a lovely straight right hand!
Sullivan throws a series of punches but Condoms avoids them all with ease.
Sullivan takes a punch to the jaw and another one to the bread basket.
Condoms swings away but doesn't land with a series of punches.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Sullivan tries to close the distance and clinch up against the cage but Condoms paws at him with a jab and circles away.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from Condoms lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Sullivan has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Sullivan and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.
Sullivan takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
Sullivan pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
Condoms rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Sullivan moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Condoms throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Condoms uses decent footwork to sidestep a right hand from Sullivan.
Condoms goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
Condoms missing with a left hand there. Sullivan was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Condoms does a little shimmy and throws a leg kick. The leg kick missed by a considerable margin though, making him look a little bit silly for doing the shimmy.
Sullivan misses with a lunging right hand
enabling Condoms to counter with a crisp jab.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Sullivan takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
Condoms swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Sullivan blocks a jab.
Sullivan scores with a decent looking hook.
Kevin Sullivan has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
A chopping leg kick lands by Condoms.
Condoms throws a leg kick but Sullivan sees it coming and moves out of range.
Condoms feints a straight left to the body, then turns around with a flashy move and hits Sullivans jaw with a dramatic spinning back fist!
Condoms avoids a punch combination nicely.
Condoms lands a head kick. Sullivan smiles back at him and beckons him forward.
This has been an exciting period of action!
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Condoms throws a low kick but Sullivan avoids it.

And that's the end of the fight!
Eyehate Condoms showed his dominance in that final round.
Well Condoms has outscored his opponent in every aspect of the fight today. Only a scarily incompetent judge or two will keep him from a well deserved win... Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Andi Peters scores the fight 30:27
Judge Gordon Ramsey scores the fight 30:27
Judge Frank Skinner scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Eyehate Condoms!
As Eyehate Condoms got his breath back, he grabbed the microphone and managed to blurt out the following: Jackhammer takes it up the fucking arsehole, sucks Ethiopian cock and is dying of AIDS which his whore bitch mother gave him.... Up the arse of course.. Cunt.'.