PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight kickboxing rules bout between Jean Claude Van Halen (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Blithering Idiot (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Idiot comes into a darkened arena with his song building. Non-Phixion: Black Helicopters kicks in, the lights come on and the crowd goes wild! What a showman! Jean Claude Van Halen could well score a knockout today. He has the power to get to Blithering Idiot's chin.

Claude Van Halen
vs
Idiot

195 cm
20
168 lbs
2 - 0 - 0

180 cm
30
167 lbs
18 - 0 - 0

Lethal high kicks
Cardio machine

Excellent boxer
Good gas tank

Condemned

Brute

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the welterweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 2 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Amsterdam, Jean Claude Van Halen!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 18 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Montreal, Blithering Idiot!
The judges for this bout are Ian Loll, Robert Douchet and Gregory Folan.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Idiot stuns Van Halen with a nice body shot, before stepping back out of range.
Van Halen avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Van Halen takes a body punch but keeps moving.
Van Halen scores with a nice right hand.
Van Halen looks to throw the jab but Idiot is out of range.
Van Halen misses with an uppercut.
Van Halen throws a right high kick that is partially blocked by Idiot.

It looks like Blithering Idiot has been cut.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Idiot misses with a wild body shot.
Van Halen throws a hook but Idiot avoids it easily.
Idiot ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Van Halen moves away.
Idiot throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Van Halen stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Van Halen throws a hook but Idiot avoids it easily.
Van Halen throws a head kick that misses.
Van Halen throws a jab when Idiot was well out of range.
Jean Claude Van Halen seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Van Halen moves his head to the side to avoid a jab but walks straight into a cross.
Idiot moving in and out of range nicely, whilst landing the scoring shot.

It looks like Jean Claude Van Halen has been cut.
Idiot misses with a body shot.
Idiot takes a swing at Van Halen's ribcage but misses.
Idiot lands with a nice body punch.
Van Halen throws a hook but Idiot avoids it easily.
Idiot connects with a looping left hand that seems like it dazed Van Halen momentarily.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Van Halen ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Idiot moves away.

Idiot drives through and clinches with Van Halen against the ropes.
An uppercut to the body lands inside from Idiot.
Van Halen misses with some punches.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Idiot.
Van Halen has a couple of punches blocked by Idiot.
Van Halen really does look like a pencil wearing a pair of gloves. Let's hope he has a gameplan to suit that ridiculous body shape.
A right hook to the body lands for Idiot.
Idiot lands a shoulder strike that jolts his opponent's head backwards.
Idiot stays in close to his opponent and throws a right hand to the body.
Idiot pushes Van Halen back against the ropes and lands a hook to the side of the head.
A right hand to the body from Idiot.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Van Halen throws a head punch that misses.
Idiot lands a left hand.
Idiot blocks an uppercut.
Van Halen takes a shot to the head.

Van Halen is rocked!
Idiot blocking some punches.
Oh Van Halen is still all over the place! His legs are completely gone! Will he be able to recover?!!
Van Halen misses with a hook to the ribs.
Idiot presses Van Halen against the ropes and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
A quick uppercut on the inside from Idiot.
Idiot presses Van Halen against the ropes and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
Idiot lands with a quick shot inside that doesn't really do much damage.
A nice right hand lands inside from Idiot.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A right hand to the body from Idiot.
Van Halen is breathing heavily.
Idiot breaks the clinch momentarily and cracks Van Halen with a big right hook that drops him to the canvas! Van Halen looks like he might be in big trouble here! The referee has started the count straight away and we're up to 5 already. Van Halen get to one knee - can he make it back to his feet? No, he's flopped back to the mat - he's out - this one is all over!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:11 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Punch). Blithering Idiot! Blithering Idiot retains his welterweight title!
A very excited looking Blithering Idiot made sure he remembered to thank all the fans both in the arena and on the internet. He said all the coolest people spend all day on MMA websites, which got a big reaction.