PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Stupit Retart (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Thomas Magnum (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Magnum has chosen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBVHKwf5mSc as his entrance music. Both fighters look fresh as a daisy as they make their way towards the cage.

Retart
vs
Magnum

207 cm
22
265 lbs
2 - 0 - 0

193 cm
23
272 lbs
3 - 3 - 0

BJJ White Belt
Good knees
Intelligent

BJJ White Belt
Excellent MT
Granite chin

Einherjer RAW Nutrition

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 2 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Stupit Retart!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 3 - 3 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Thomas Magnum!
The judges for this bout are Wesley Smith, Gwen Towbar and Tiny Johnson.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Magnum throws a head kick that misses.
Magnum pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Crunch! Retart slams his shin into Magnum's torso.
Nice takedown defense from Magnum. No joy for Retart on that attempt.
Retart fails with an attempt to clinch.
Retart avoids the head kick by Magnum.
Magnum misses with a head kick.
Retart with a nice looking leg kick. You could hear that one land in a back row.
Magnum throws a head kick that misses.

Retart shoots in and bounces Magnum off the cage to secure the takedown into guard.
Magnum looks gassed!
Retart content to strike from guard, landing some decent shots.
Retart throwing strikes but missing.
Retart working some strikes from top position.
Retart thows a big elbow that misses.
Retart throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Retart wants to pass the guard but Magnum is keeping the position.
Magnum is looking to stand up but Retart isn't so interested in that idea.
Retart with a flurry of punches that miss.

The referee has ruled that neither fighter is active enough on the ground and has stood them back up.
Retart throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Retart lets loose with a powerful body kick. Magnum will feel that in the morning.
Magnum avoids the body shot from Retart.
Retart tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Magnum throws a body kick that misses.
Retart throws a wild body kick that Magnum sees coming a mile off.

Retart darts in and clinches Magnum up against the cage.

Retart has picked Magnum up - he's going for a ride! Retart dumps his opponent to the mat with a thud and settles into half guard.
Magnum pushes Retart off looking to stand but Retart dives back in and keeps control.
Retart throwing punches and elbows but they're not doing any damage.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Magnum wants to get back to his feet.
Retart will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
Retart scoring with strikes to the body and head.
Retart is scoring with some nice ground and pound from the dominant position.
Retart landing with strikes to the body and head, softening up his opponent.
Retart wants to pass the guard but Magnum is defending well.

Well, the referee has seen enough. Neither fighter is active enough on the ground so he's stood them back up.
Magnum throws a sloppy head kick
and Retart counters with a body kick that brings a smile to the face of both fighters.

Retart shoots in and bounces Magnum off the cage to secure the takedown into guard.

Magnum has butterfly guard. He's looking to stand up here. He pushes Retart off him and springs to his feet nicely. The crowd applauds.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Magnum throws a head kick that misses
and Retart counters with a kick to the head that grazes his opponent. Magnum is lucky that one didn't land flush.
Retart throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Retart fails with a rather predictable takedown attempt.
Retart takes a kick to the body and keeps moving.
A head kick by Magnum misses

and Retart counters by clinching up.
Magnum stalling in the clinch but Retart improves position.
Retart looks to throw an elbow but misses.
Retart can't get the takedown.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Stupit Retart. That's going to take a lot out of him.

Magnum breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.
Retart tries a head kick but it misses.
Magnum throws a sloppy head kick and Retart moves out of range easily.
Magnum avoids a punch combination nicely.
A head kick misses from Magnum.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Magnum throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Thomas Magnum seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Magnum pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Retart is looking to land body kicks.
Retart throws a head kick but Magnum moves out of range.
Magnum throws a lazy head kick
and Retart counters with a body kick that brings a smile to the face of both fighters.
Magnum throws a sloppy head kick and Retart moves out of range easily.
Retart throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Retart misses with a head kick.
Magnum throws a head kick but Retart moves out of range.
Magnum throws a lazy head kick

and Retart counters with a single leg into guard. Magnum didn't expect that.
Retart connects with a couple of short punches.
Magnum wants to get back to his feet but Retart is in a dominant position and won't allow it.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Magnum keeping moving, preventing Retart from controlling successfully.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Retart postures up and lands some nice ground and pound.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Stupit Retart dominated that round.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action!

Magnum throws a sloppy head kick

and Retart counters by moving into the clinch.

Magnum manages to break the clinch.
Retart rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Magnum moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Retart avoids the head kick by Magnum.
Retart misses with a takedown attempt. He shot from a bit too far out.
Magnum throws a head kick that Retart semi-blocks.

It looks like Stupit Retart has been cut.
Retart fails with a takedown attempt from distance.
Retart blocks a head kick by Magnum.
Magnum pivots as if he's going to throw a leg kick but stops half way.
Retart blocks a head kick by Magnum.
Magnum throws a lazy head kick
and Retart counters with a low kick, right behind Magnum 's knee.
Retart throws a series of punches but Magnum avoids them all with ease.

Retart clinches up against the cage.

Magnum breaks from the clinch.
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.
Magnum throws a sloppy head kick
and Retart counters with an outside leg kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Magnum throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Magnum pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Magnum throws a lazy head kick

and Retart counters into the clinch. Nicely done.
Magnum is trying to work out of this bad position, with his back against the cage.
Magnum looking to slow down the pace here.
Retart has had enough of the clinch but Magnum keeps him there for the moment.

Magnum breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.
Magnum tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Magnum takes a head kick and shrugs it off.
Magnum throws a head kick that misses
and Retart counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.
Magnum misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Retart throws a feint and then finishes with a kick to the body.
Magnum throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Magnum throws a sloppy head kick and Retart moves out of range easily.
Magnum throws a sloppy head kick
and Retart counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are showing their displeasure at the lack of action as loud boos ring out around the arena.
Magnum throws a lazy head kick

and Retart counters with a nice double leg into half guard.
Magnum avoiding damage under a succession of punches from Retart.
Stupit Retart overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.
Ground and pound from Retart.
Retart throwing shots but Magnum is blocking nicely.
Retart winds up and cracks Magnum with a swinging punch to the side of the head.
Magnum is trying to stand.
Retart passes the guard and advances to mount!
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Magnum wants to use the cage to get back to his feet here.
Retart landing strikes, looking to finish!

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Retart breaks from Magnum's wrist control and lands an elbow.
Retart is still in mount, landing shots to his trapped opponent. Magnum can't stay in a position like this for much longer.

Magnum bucks up and throws Retart to the side - he's got back to his feet. Great escape!
A head kick from Magnum lands but Retart takes it in his stride.
Nice sprawl there from Magnum as Retart shoots in.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Stupit Retart. That's going to take a lot out of him.
Magnum misses with a head kick.
Magnum throws a sloppy head kick and Retart moves out of range easily.
Magnum tries a head kick but it misses.
A head kick misses from Retart.
Magnum throws a lazy head kick
and Retart counters with a good low kick that Magnum was not able to check.
Magnum throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Retart misses with a takedown attempt - Magnum sprawls well and throws a nice strike on the way out which just misses.
Retart avoids the head kick by Magnum.
Stupit Retart is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
Retart scores with a kick to the body.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Magnum throws a lazy head kick

and Retart counters with a nice double leg into side control. Magnum won't be happy with that.
Retart in side control lands a nice looking series of punches and elbows.
Magnum is putting a lot of effort into getting back to his feet here.
Retart cracks Magnum with a big right hand but Magnum just smiles back at him and invites him to have another go.
Magnum is working to avoid the ground and pound but Retart connects with a decent elbow.
Magnum is trying to escape and get back to his feet.
Retart landing strikes.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
The strikes coming from Retart are missing the target in this wave of attacks.
Retart lands a nice forearm strike.
Retart tries to move into full mount but can't pass Magnum's legs.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Stupit Retart dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on Stupit Retart's cut.
That's time! Retart's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight. This is the final round!

Magnum throws a sloppy head kick
and Retart counters with a nice low kick that buckles Magnum's knee momentarily.
Magnum tries to land a front kick but Retart steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.
Magnum misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Retart lands a head kick!
A solid leg kick lands there for Retart.
Retart shoots in with a takedown attempt and he has Magnum pinned against the cage. Magnum gets the underhooks and manages to circle away.
Magnum throws a sloppy head kick
and Retart counters with a good low kick that Magnum was not able to check.
Magnum has developed a nice purple lump on his ribcage, as a result of some heavy body kicks from Retart.
A head kick by Magnum misses

and Retart counters with a shoot takedown. Magnum fights it but they end up in guard.
Retart stops Magnum from standing up.
Both fighters are breathing heavily.
Retart scores with a decent looking elbow strike.
We get told so often about how wrestlers don't like to be on their backs. Let's see if Magnum can do anything to dispel that myth.
Retart throws a strike but Magnum rolls with it and manages to sweep. Now he's in guard on top.

Magnum stands and steps away. Retart gets to his feet too and we're back to the striking game.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Retart throws a hook but Magnum blocks it.
Magnum throws a lazy head kick

and Retart counters by clinching up.
Retart tries to stall but Magnum uses the opportunity to gain a better position.

Magnum escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.
Retart looks to land a combination but Magnum avoids it well.
Retart moves in looking to clinch but Magnum pushes him off.
Magnum blocks a head kick by Retart.
Magnum misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Magnum throws a lazy head kick

and Retart counters with a nice shoot takedown that brings the fighters to the ground.
Retart throws a strike but Magnum rolls with it and manages to sweep. Now he's in guard on top.

Retart pushes Magnum off and gets back to his feet.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Magnum plants his feet and lands a nice head kick!
Retart is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Magnum can do to turn this around?
A solid leg kick lands there for Retart.
A head kick by Magnum misses
and Retart counters with a good low kick that Magnum was not able to check.
A really sloppy takedown attempt there from Retart.
Magnum throws a sloppy head kick

so Retart counters with a double leg into guard. Good agility.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Retart stops Magnum from standing up.
Retart sneaks a leg through and gets to half guard. That was like a knife through butter how easily he passed Magnum's guard.
Magnum blocking the ground and pound attempt from Retart.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Retart not throwing his punches with enough precision this time.
Retart tries to pass to full mount but Magnum defends it.
Retart working some ground and pound from close in. He's looking to maintain this position and strike for a while by the looks of things... although he'll probably advance to full mount in a minute now I've said that.
Retart working over Magnum with some ground and pound. Magnum looks like he wants out of this position, which is understandable.
Retart throws a strike but Magnum avoids it easily and moves to full guard.
Retart loading up with the ground and pound but he's missing more than he's landing in this flurry.
Retart throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.

The referee decides to stand the fighters back up.
Retart throws a looping left and ducks down for a takedown. He's got his arms around Magnum's waist but Magnum gets an underhook and avoids the takedown by throwing Retart off to one side.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Stupit Retart. That's going to take a lot out of him.
A head kick by Magnum misses
and Retart counters with a flying knee. Nice.
Magnum throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Magnum throws a head kick but Retart moves out of range.
Magnum throws a head kick that misses.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are hurling abuse towards the fighters... You can hardly blame them though because there isn't a lot going on in the fight.
Retart misses with a takedown attempt. He shot from a bit too far out.
Magnum throws a head kick that misses

and Retart counters with a nice shoot takedown that brings the fighters to the ground.
Retart with a flurry of punches that miss.
Retart postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.
Retart working some ground and pound from guard but it's not doing any damage.
Retart scores with a decent looking elbow strike.
Thomas Magnum has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Magnum working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from Retart.

Magnum is edging up against the cage. He's using the cage to get back to his feet. Nice work there - the fighters are clinched.
Magnum looking to throw knees to the head but Retart is blocking nicely.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Magnum wants to push off and get back to the center of the mat but Retart has him pressed against the cage.
Retart lands a knee to the head.
Retart wants to push off and get back to the center of the mat but Magnum has him pressed against the cage.
Retart tries a knee to the head but he's missed.
Magnum tries a knee to the head but Retart blocks it.

And that's the end of the fight!
Stupit Retart showed his dominance in that final round.
Well Retart has outscored his opponent in every aspect of the fight today. Only a scarily incompetent judge or two will keep him from a well deserved win... Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Wesley Smith scores the fight 30:27
Judge Gwen Towbar scores the fight 30:27
Judge Tiny Johnson scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Stupit Retart!