PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Eric Cartman (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Bart Simpson (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Cartman's entrance music is All Within My Hands. A fine choice. Bart Simpson has the better chin. Will he look to stand and bang today?

Cartman
vs
Simpson

199 cm
28
283 lbs
11 - 8 - 0

205 cm
26
280 lbs
14 - 5 - 0

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Cardio machine

Good wrestler
Excellent boxer
Granite chin

Meet the Future

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 11 - 8 - 0, fighting out of London, Eric Cartman!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 14 - 5 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Bart Simpson!
The judges for this bout are Patrick Alders, Daniel Blasius and Paulsen Ambrosius.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Cartman dodges the punch combination from Simpson.
Cartman is looking to clinch but Simpson is avoiding it.
Simpson closes the distance and takes a jab right on the nose as he does so.
The fight stays on the outside here - Cartman looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
Cartman waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract Simpson.
Simpson throws a sloppy head kick and Cartman moves out of range easily.
Simpson is looking to land body kicks.
Simpson throws a right hand that Cartman ducks under and follows up with a left that Cartman also avoids with ease.
Simpson pivots as if he's going to throw a leg kick but stops half way.
Cartman tries to clinch up against the cage, rushing in to close the distance. Simpson manages to break the clinch and circles back to the middle of the mat.

Cartman gets in close and instigates a clinch.
Cartman lands an elbow just above Simpson 's eye.

It looks like Bart Simpson has been cut.
Simpson avoids a wild elbow strike from Cartman.
Simpson lands a nice shot to the body.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Simpson lands with a right to the head.
Simpson misses with a knee strike.
Simpson pressing his opponent against the cage.
Good body shot from Cartman.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman misses with a body punch.
Cartman working on landing some head shots here - that one got through nicely.
Simpson tries to land knees in the clinch but Cartman avoids the damage to the body.
Cartman is trying to slow down the pace of the fight but Simpson is keeping busy.
A short right from Cartman on the inside.
Simpson's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
Cartman is trying to push Simpson away but Simpson has him pressed against the cage, so he's going nowhere.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Cartman misses with an elbow strike.
Cartman lands an elbow inside.
Simpson blocks an elbow strike from Cartman.
Simpson throws a hook to the body. More of an arm punch but it's all scoring with the judges.
Simpson with the Thai clinch, lands a knee to the head.

It looks like Eric Cartman has been cut.
Cartman doesn't land with the attempted body shot.

Cartman breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Simpson is looking to chop away at Cartman's legs.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Simpson misses with a hook. Cartman ducked under it nicely.
Simpson throws a big shot that misses.
Simpson lands a nice leg kick that just misses Cartman's sensitive parts.
Simpson misses the shot to the body.
Simpson lands a jab-cross combination.

Cartman has closed the distance and engaged Simpson in a clinch.
Simpson has been looking to improve his clinch game in recent weeks. Cartman seems to have the measure of him in the clinch so far, so let's see if Simpson can turn it around.

Cartman manages to break the clinch.
Cartman wants to clinch.
Eric Cartman seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Simpson tries to clinch but Cartman is having none of it.

Cartman closes the distance and presses his opponent up against the cage.
Cartman scores with a shoulder strike.
Cartman lands with a good tight uppercut to the head.
Cartman tries a knee to the head but Simpson blocks it.
Simpson presses Cartman against the cage and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
Simpson throws a knee to the head but misses.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman lands a shoulder strike.
Simpson works on Cartman's body with a couple of short punches.
Simpson can't find room to land a body shot as Cartman controls the action.
Simpson tries a body shot but Cartman blocks it.

Cartman breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.
Cartman moves out of range of the strikes.
Cartman cracks Simpson with an open hand slap.

Simpson drives through and clinches with Cartman against the cage.
Simpson swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Cartman swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Simpson throws a punch but it's blocked by Cartman.
Simpson lands a left hand that snaps the head of Cartman backwards.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Simpson looking to slow down the pace here.
Cartman misses with some punches.
Cartman misses with an elbow over the top.
Simpson tries a knee to the head but he's missed.
Nice body punch from Simpson - that landed with a thud.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Cartman misses with the head strike.
Cartman slowing the pace effectively.
Cartman misses with a hook from the clinch.
Simpson blocks a punch to the side of the head.
Cartman misses with a punch to the body.
Simpson keeps control of Cartman as he tries to wriggle out of the double underhooks.
Simpson with an attempt at a knee that misses.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Simpson.
Cartman tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.
Cartman takes a shot to the head.
Cartman throws an elbow that misses.
Simpson is working Cartman over against the cage.
Cartman fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
I was talking to Cartman's coach per-fight and he was telling me that they'd been working on the clinch in the runup to this fight.
Cartman blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!

Simpson breaks the clinch.
Cartman throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Simpson sees it coming and avoids it easily.
Simpson throws an overhand right that lands on Cartman's shoulder, as Cartman tries to avoid the shot.
Cartman wants to clinch up but Simpson keeps it at a distance.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close round but I would say that Eric Cartman will probably get the nod.
Both fighters have cut men working on them during the interval.
The referee calls time. The cornermen exit stage left and we're back to business.

Simpson connects with a leg kick. He turned his hip over nicely there.
Good work by Cartman as he checks the leg kick.

Cartman rushes Simpson and presses him up against the cage.
Simpson tries a knee to the head but he's missed.
Cartman prevents a body shot from Simpson.
Cartman scores with a nice hook to the head.
Simpson blocking some punches.
Simpson throws a vicious knee straight up the middle but Cartman blocks it with crossed arms.
Cartman swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Eric Cartman has scored more points in the clinch so far.
Cartman trying to land knees to the body.
Simpson tries to land a knee to the head but misses.
Cartman misses with a punch on the inside.
Simpson trying to land knees to the body.
Cartman is trying to stall.
Cartman wants to strike at distance but he can't break free of the clinch.
Cartman lands a body punch.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Simpson throws a head punch that misses.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Simpson is trying to slow down the pace of the fight but Cartman is keeping busy.
Simpson trying to land knees to the body.
Cartman scores with a nice hook to the head.
Cartman lands an elbow inside that Simpson shrugs off.
Simpson is leaning against Cartman and scores with a nice uppercut to the body.
Cartman blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Cartman fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
Cartman misses with a short punch on the inside.
Cartman is pushing Simpson up against the cage, for a bit of lean and pray action. Action being used the in the loosest possible sense of the word.

Cartman's corner calls for him to break the clinch, which he does.
Cartman misses with a double jab
and Simpson counters with a lovely shot to the body.
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Cartman lands with a straight right. Simpson didn't see that one coming.
Cartman tries to clinch there but Simpson circles away.
Cartman tries to grapple but his opponent circles
and Simpson counters with a left to the body.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Simpson turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Simpson throws a lazy right hand but Cartman sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Cartman is looking to clinch.
Simpson checks a low kick from Cartman.
Simpson misses with an attempted mid kick.
Simpson pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Boom, another hit is landed. "You're gunna get knocked out" taunts Cartman, as that shot connected.
Simpson lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.

Simpson lands a big head kick that sends Cartman tumbling to the mat! Simpson takes a step backwards and waves Cartman back to his feet - he wants the finish!
The fighters circling - Cartman throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Cartman tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Simpson misses with an attempted mid kick.
Simpson fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Cartman manages to avoid it.
The fight stays on the outside here - Cartman looks like he's thinking about clinching though.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
A big right from Simpson misses.
Simpson tries to clinch but Cartman moves out of range.
Simpson tries to close the distance and clinch up but Cartman swats him away and circles back towards the center.
Cartman tries to close the distance and clinch up against the cage but Simpson paws at him with a jab and circles away.
Jab from Simpson.
Simpson loads up on a big right hand but Cartman slips the punch.
Cartman is looking to clinch but Simpson is avoiding it.
The fighters circling - Simpson throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Cartman tries to close the distance and clinch up against the cage but Simpson paws at him with a jab and circles away.
Jab, cross, leg kick. Nice combination by Cartman!

The cut above Bart Simpson's eye is starting to cause him problems now.
Bart Simpson seems to be getting the better of the standup.
Cartman is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Simpson.
Cartman wants to clinch up but Simpson keeps it at a distance.
Cartman drops his hands momentarily and Simpson takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
The fight stays on the outside here - Cartman looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
Simpson throws a nice outside leg kick.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Simpson looking to land some kicks to the body here.
The fight stays on the outside here - Cartman looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
Cartman fails in his attempt to clinch.
Simpson looks to throw the jab but Cartman is out of range.
Cartman avoids the body shot from Simpson.
Cartman moves in looking to clinch but Simpson pushes him off.

Cartman moves into range and clinches up with Simpson.
Cartman doesn't land with the attempted body shot.
Cartman landing knees to the body.
Simpson throws a punch but it's blocked by Cartman.
Simpson is trying to maintain a safe position but Cartman gets an underhook and turns Simpson into the cage.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
Cartman lands a knee to the head.
A nice glancing elbow lands by Cartman.

The referee calls the doctor in to look at Bart Simpson's cut. Oh no, the doctor has called an end to the bout!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:57 of round 2, we have a winner by way of TKO (Cut). Eric Cartman!
After winning the bout, Eric Cartman thanked all his fans and promised he'd do even better in his next fight. The crowd seemed to love his humility.