PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Andre Barnes (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Turd Anderson (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Barnes comes into the arena with Black Eyed Peas - Imma Be blaring out of the sound system. Andre Barnes is staring across the cage at his opponent, tweaking his nipples... Tweaking his own nipples that is.

Barnes
vs
Anderson

178 cm
37
171 lbs
29 - 18 - 0

180 cm
28
184 lbs
16 - 9 - 2

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Insanely flexible

Excellent grappler
Excellent boxer
Granite chin

Meet the Future

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 29 - 18 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Andre Barnes!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 16 - 9 - 2, fighting out of Helsinki, Turd Anderson!
The judges for this bout are Ben Zyskovitsi, Anni Minnemäki and Johanna Lukiainen.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Anderson fakes a head shot and lands one to the body.
A jab lands there for Barnes.
Anderson throws a shot to the body.
Barnes defends well against a solid takedown attempt from Anderson.
Barnes stalks Anderson and leaps in with a furious combination of punches. Uppercuts and crosses smash into Anderson's face. Anderson staggers backwards, shaken.
Anderson throws a one two combo.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Barnes throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Anderson stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Anderson displaying good standup as he scores with a three punch combination.
Anderson is trying hard to land a takedown here. Barnes sprawls well and keeps this one on the feet.
Anderson misses with a double jab.
Anderson misses with a takedown

and Barnes counters into the clinch. Nicely done.
Andre Barnes has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Turd Anderson.

Barnes's corner calls for him to break the clinch, which he does.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Anderson takes a swing at Barnes's ribcage but misses.
Anderson with a lazy takedown attempt
and Barnes counters with a body kick.
Barnes misses with an uppercut. Anderson saw that one coming.

Anderson scores a trip takedown into side control. Nice.
Anderson trying to control the action but Barnes is working from the bottom.
Barnes is trying to improve his position.
Anderson scores with punches from side control.
Anderson is looking to take a break and control but Barnes is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Barnes is trying to get back to half guard. He's pushing on Anderson's leg. He's managed it. Nice work.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Anderson trying to control from half guard but Barnes is working away.
Barnes has no desire to be mounted, so is trying to control. Anderson is working away from the top position though.
Anderson uses his free foot to push down on Barnes's thigh. Eventually he works his other foot free and he's advanced to mount - this is trouble for Barnes.
Barnes is squirming around, avoiding Anderson's attempts to control the action.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Anderson landing strikes, looking to finish!
Barnes is squirming around, avoiding Anderson's attempts to control the action.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Anderson is looking to secure an arm. He's managed it! He's pivoting for an armbar - that looks tight! But Barnes has managed to get out of it and now he's in a dominant position. Nice work from Barnes!
Barnes distracts Anderson with his right hand and drops a big elbow with his other arm.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.

Anderson is working an open guard so Barnes takes the opportunity to get back to his feet.
Anderson uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Barnes.
Barnes slips a jab and a cross from Anderson.
No luck with that takedown attempt from Anderson.
No luck for Anderson with that takedown attempt.
Anderson darts in looking for a takedown but Barnes gets double underhooks and turns Anderson into the cage.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Barnes creates a bit of space for himself and sneaks an elbow through Anderson's defenses.

It looks like Turd Anderson has been cut.
Barnes lands a left hand.
Barnes tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.

Barnes breaks from the clinch.
Anderson dives in and grabs Barnes's left leg, looking for a takedown. Barnes pushes down on Anderson's head and hops out.
Anderson throws a series of punches but Barnes moves out of range.
Anderson scores with a jab to the body.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
Barnes keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Anderson.
Anderson shoots in looking for a takedown but Barnes manages to keep the fight standing, pushing Anderson's face into the canvas for good measure before circling away.
Anderson dives in for a single leg takedown but Barnes sprawls and the fighters end up clinched against the cage.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close round but I would say that Andre Barnes will probably get the nod.
The cut man is working on Turd Anderson's cut.
That's time! Barnes's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight.

Anderson throws a series of punches but Barnes avoids them all with ease.
Barnes displays good takedown defense there as he swats away a double leg from Anderson.
Barnes misses with a double jab.
Anderson lands a straight punch to the body, keeping Barnes at a distance.

Anderson shoots in for a takedown and gets it.
The fighters are starting to get a bit slippery now, which will make submissions a bit more difficult.
Barnes blocking the ground and pound attempt from Anderson.
Anderson stalling.
Anderson trying to pass the guard but Barnes defending well.
Anderson is still trying to improve position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Barnes is looking to regain full guard. Not this time though.

Anderson is looking for a kimura but he's never going to get it from there.
Anderson is trying to control. Barnes wants to improve his position but can't escape this time.
Anderson works his foot free and advances to mount.
Barnes flailing away with punches but nothing is landing.
Anderson with good strikes from the mount here!
Anderson unloads with some shots from mount but Barnes bucks and avoids them well.
Barnes stops Anderson from taking his back. Still, being mounted isn't any better.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Anderson scoring with strikes but Barnes is staying in there.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Anderson trying to control but Barnes is having none of it.

Anderson working to secure an arm triangle but it's not happening for him just yet.
Barnes tries to lock up and control but Anderson gives him a forearm to the face and pushes him away.
Anderson landing shots from mount.
Barnes is looking to get to half guard.

Anderson working for a guillotine from mount but Barnes is in no mood to give up.
Anderson lands with some strikes.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Anderson landing punches.
Anderson prevents Barnes from getting the reversal.
Anderson looking to control but Barnes is working nicely, looking to advance position himself.
Barnes is controlling an arm, preventing Anderson from taking his back. Although keeping him in mount is no better to be honest.
Barnes is desperately trying to get back to half guard.
Barnes has improved his flexibility recently so we will have to see if he can use that to his advantage.
Anderson is trying to control here but Barnes has managed to regain half guard.

Anderson is looking for an arm triangle, whilst trying to pass to side control. Barnes doesn't seem that keen to cooperate though. No luck this time Anderson.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Barnes blocking the ground and pound attempt from Anderson.

Anderson is trying to work for a kimura. This could be trouble! No, Barnes has managed to free his arm - good work.
Anderson wants to pass the guard but Barnes is defending well.
Anderson keeps trying to improve his position.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Barnes pushes Anderson off looking to stand but Anderson dives back in and keeps control.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Turd Anderson showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
The cut man is working on Turd Anderson's cut.
The fighters get back to their feet, the hooter sounds and we're back to the action! This is the final round!

Anderson looks for a takedown. He's got it. We're now in half guard.
Barnes wants to control but Anderson is keeping busy.
Anderson wants to lay and pray for a moment but Barnes keeps working.
Anderson thows a huge punch but Barnes dodges it nicely.
Anderson seems very keen to just sit and control from half guard but Barnes does not like that idea so much and is remaining active off his back.
Barnes is trying to maintain the position but Anderson is very close to passing his half guard.
We must be close to a standup if these guys don't pick up the pace.

Anderson is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Barnes sees it coming and defends easily.
Anderson passes the guard and advances to mount!

That's one minute gone in the round.
Anderson wants to take his opponent's back but Barnes doesn't allow it.
Anderson misses with a series of strikes from mount. He'll no doubt be working on his ground and pound when he gets back to the gym.
Barnes really trying hard to get back to half guard here.

Anderson is looking to secure an arm. He's managed it! He's pivoting for an armbar - that looks tight! But Barnes has managed to get out of it and now he's in a dominant position. Nice work from Barnes!
Barnes pushing down on Anderson's thigh, trying to pass to half guard. He's managed it... Nice work.
Barnes stalling away here and it's allowed Anderson to slip out his trapped foot and regain full guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Barnes content to strike from guard, landing some decent shots.
Anderson controls Barnes momentarily but Barnes frees himself.
Barnes wants to control from the top but Anderson keeps moving.
Anderson is trying to control the position but Barnes postures up.
Barnes has decided he wants to stand but the closed guard of Anderson is proving hard to escape from.
Anderson looking to hit a scissor sweep but Barnes is one step ahead there.
Barnes is looking to stand up but Anderson won't let him.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Anderson wants to sweep here but Barnes controlling him for the moment.
Anderson keeping full guard, as Barnes tries to pass.

Anderson has his foot on Barnes's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. Barnes works his way back into a safe position though.
Anderson wants to sweep here but Barnes controlling him for the moment.
Barnes sneaks a leg through and gets to half guard. That was like a knife through butter how easily he passed Anderson's guard.
Barnes not throwing his punches with enough precision this time.
Anderson trying to hold on to Barnes's head to control him but Barnes postures up.
Barnes thows a wild elbow that connects with the canvas.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Anderson wants to get back to full guard.
Barnes not doing much here.
Anderson tries to roll over but Barnes keeps him under control.
Barnes wants to take a breather but Anderson is having none of it.
Anderson wants to get back to full guard.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.

Barnes decides to stand up and try his luck on the feet.

And that's the end of the fight!
That was a close round. You could make an argument for either fighter but I would give it to Andre Barnes.
I think Barnes has won this one but let's see what the judges have to say. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Ben Zyskovitsi scores the fight 29:30
Judge Anni Minnemäki scores the fight 27:30
Judge Johanna Lukiainen scores the fight 27:30

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Turd Anderson!
A very excited looking Turd Anderson made sure he remembered to thank all the fans both in the arena and on the internet. He said all the coolest people spend all day on MMA websites, which got a big reaction.