PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Lars Voller (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and BitchFace PoopyPants (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). PoopyPants is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by Deathly Quiet. Over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

Voller
vs
PoopyPants

191 cm
27
218 lbs
16 - 8 - 0

197 cm
29
222 lbs
20 - 8 - 0

Good wrestling
World class MT
Granite chin

Good wrestler
Great elbows
Good gas tank

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the light heavyweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 16 - 8 - 0, fighting out of London, Lars Voller!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 20 - 8 - 0, fighting out of London, BitchFace PoopyPants!
The judges for this bout are Steven Brown, Phil Schofield and Donald Grub.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Voller lands a jab.
PoopyPants takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
PoopyPants showing good head movement there, avoiding the strikes from Voller.
Voller throws a wild body kick that PoopyPants sees coming a mile off.
Voller jabs at PoopyPants's body.
Voller misses with a shot to the body
and Voller takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
Voller swings for the body but PoopyPants moves out of range.
Nice body punch from Voller.
Voller swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Voller throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Voller pushes PoopyPants away with a front kick.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Voller with poor footwork there. He got himself in a bit of a tangle, enabling PoopyPants to score with a decent uppercut.
PoopyPants avoids the body shot from Voller.
A telegraphed right hand from PoopyPants misses the target.

That's one minute gone in the round.
PoopyPants sees a low kick coming and goes to check it, but it's actually a body kick and it thuds into his unprotected ribs.
Voller misses the body punch
and PoopyPants counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
PoopyPants darts in looking for a takedown but Voller gets double underhooks and turns PoopyPants into the cage.

Voller breaks from the clinch.
PoopyPants throws a jab but it's blocked by Voller.
Crunch! Voller slams his shin into PoopyPants's torso.
Voller throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
Voller connects with a leg kick. He turned his hip over nicely there.
We can't be sure of the tactics at this early stage but we have heard that PoopyPants has been working on his takedowns a lot in the buildup to the fight and we can only assume he's going to look to take this to the mat.
Voller tries to move into range but PoopyPants moves to the side and lands with a nice right hand.
Voller looks for the body kick but PoopyPants saw that one coming.
A nice inside leg kick there by Voller. That's going to slow PoopyPants down.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Voller throws a head kick that misses.
Voller buckles his opponent's knee momentarily with a nice leg kick.
PoopyPants uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Voller.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Voller wants to clinch up but PoopyPants keeps it at a distance.
Voller lands with a straight right. PoopyPants didn't see that one coming.
Voller misses with a jab to the body
and PoopyPants counters with a right hand to the body.
Voller throws a body punch but PoopyPants moves out of range.
PoopyPants shoots for a double leg takedown but Voller sprawls well. He's pushed PoopyPants's face into the mat and manages to get back to his feet relatively easily.
Voller misses the shot to the body.
PoopyPants looks to score with a jab to the body but Voller is just out of range.
PoopyPants lands an overhand left. A wild punch that just about connected.
PoopyPants fakes a head shot and lands one to the body.
PoopyPants tries to clinch up.
A shot to the liver by Voller. Beautiful body shot.
PoopyPants slips under a jab.
PoopyPants blocks a leg kick.
Voller scores with a nice head shot.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
PoopyPants on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by Voller. Voller obviously looking to wear him down.
Voller goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
PoopyPants misses with a hook. Voller ducked under it nicely.
PoopyPants lunges in with swinging rights and lefts but Voller circles away quickly and effectively.
PoopyPants throws a right and a left that both miss.
Voller will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.
Nice defenses there by Voller.
Voller just misses with a punch to the body.
Voller ducks down and throws a hook to the body but PoopyPants moves away.
Voller throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
PoopyPants scores with a crisp jab that stopped Voller in his tracks.
Voller throws a body punch but PoopyPants moves out of range.
A big left from Voller misses.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Voller throws a half hearted mid kick.
PoopyPants tries to close the distance and clinch but Voller swats him to one side with an open hand palm strike and circles away.
PoopyPants misses with a hook.
PoopyPants avoids the head kick by Voller.
Voller looks for the body kick but PoopyPants saw that one coming.
Voller is looking to chop away at PoopyPants's legs.
Voller lands with a head kick! That's gotta hurt.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Voller throws a leg kick but PoopyPants moved away.
PoopyPants blocks a head kick by Voller.
PoopyPants's jab looks to have found its range, popping Voller under the eye.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
PoopyPants misses with a body shot.
Voller lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
PoopyPants looks frustrated there after his takedown attempt is stuffed easily.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Lars Voller dominated that round.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

Voller throws a body kick that digs right into the meat.
Voller looks to score with a jab to the body but PoopyPants is just out of range.
Voller lands with a shot to the body.

Voller rushes PoopyPants and presses him up against the cage.
PoopyPants throws a punch but it's blocked by Voller.
Voller prevents a body shot from PoopyPants.
PoopyPants is trying to pull guard but Voller has him pressed against the cage.
PoopyPants misses with a punch to the body.
Voller lands an elbow inside.
PoopyPants is looking for a takedown.
PoopyPants dodges an elbow strike from Voller.
PoopyPants avoids a wild elbow strike from Voller.
PoopyPants wants a takedown.
Lars Voller has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of BitchFace PoopyPants.
PoopyPants tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.
PoopyPants misses with an elbow over the top.

That's one minute gone in the round.
PoopyPants blocks an elbow strike from Voller.
PoopyPants tries to pull guard but can't drag his opponent to the mat. Voller just stands there and leans against the cage.
Voller working some nice short punches in the clinch.
Voller throws an elbow but it misses.
A nice glancing elbow lands by Voller.
PoopyPants avoids a wild elbow strike from Voller.
A nice left hand lands by PoopyPants.
PoopyPants misses with a hook to the ribs.
Voller throws a nice elbow but it doesn't land.
PoopyPants is trying to slow down the pace of the fight but Voller is keeping busy.
Voller looks to throw an elbow but misses.
Voller misses with an elbow over the top.
Voller prevents the takedown attempt.
An uppercut on the inside fails to land for PoopyPants.
Voller tries to break free but PoopyPants pushes him back against the cage.
Voller creates a bit of distance and throws an elbow that only just misses.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
With the fighters up against the cage, PoopyPants throws an elbow but misses.
Voller wants to break the clinch but can't.

Voller escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.
Voller throws a nice outside leg kick.
Voller misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from PoopyPants.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Voller lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
A cross from Voller lands.
PoopyPants takes a body punch that cleary hurt but he's trying not to show any weakness.
PoopyPants throws an overhand right that lands on Voller's shoulder, as Voller tries to avoid the shot.
A big left from PoopyPants misses.
Voller getting the better of the striking in that exchange.
Voller uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by PoopyPants.
PoopyPants looks to land a left hand but Voller moved out of range nicely.
PoopyPants takes a jab right on the kisser.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
PoopyPants pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
A looping hook to the body misses from Voller. PoopyPants does a little dance to reset his feet.
Voller keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
PoopyPants chopped to the floor by a nice leg kick but he springs right back up before Voller can pounce on him.
A telegraphed takedown attempt from PoopyPants is defended easily by Voller.
PoopyPants avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Voller uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by PoopyPants.

Voller clinches up with PoopyPants and pushes him back against the cage.
PoopyPants tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.
Voller cracks PoopyPants with a nice body shot.
PoopyPants tries to pull guard but Voller won't allow it.
Voller working hard to break the clinch.
PoopyPants tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Voller's elbow.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Voller lands an elbow inside that PoopyPants shrugs off.
PoopyPants fails to pull the fight into his guard.
Voller misses with an elbow strike.
Voller throws an elbow but it misses.
PoopyPants takes an elbow to the forehead.

It looks like BitchFace PoopyPants has been cut.

PoopyPants manages to pull guard. Let's see whether he can land a sub off his back.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Voller trying to control but PoopyPants is working from the bottom.
Voller passes PoopyPants's right leg, so he's now in half guard.
Voller controlling the pace.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
Voller wants to control but PoopyPants is keeping him busy.
PoopyPants gets full guard.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Lars Voller dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on BitchFace PoopyPants's cut.
That's the end of the interval. I'm sure that seemed a lot quicker than a minute for our two fighters! Back to the action.

PoopyPants looks to score with a jab to the body but Voller is just out of range.
Voller ducks under a wild hook from PoopyPants.
PoopyPants throws a lazy uppercut
and Voller counters with a good, hard body kick but PoopyPants shrugs it off.
Voller scores with a slapping inside leg kick.
Crunch! Voller slams his shin into PoopyPants's torso.
Voller misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
PoopyPants connects with a crisp jab.
Voller throws a feint and then finishes with a kick to the body.
PoopyPants shakes his hands off, looking to compose himself, but takes a jab to the jaw whilst he does it.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Voller swings for the body but PoopyPants moves out of range.
Voller tries a head kick but it misses.
PoopyPants's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.
PoopyPants misses with an uppercut.
Voller's Muay Thai looks sharper than normal. He has obviously been working on it in the gym.
PoopyPants takes a head kick and shrugs it off.
PoopyPants tries to close the distance and clinch up but Voller swats him away and circles back towards the center.

That's one minute gone in the round.
PoopyPants lands with a good body shot.
Voller is looking to wear down PoopyPants with body shots, infact he's throwing more body shots than head shots at the moment.
PoopyPants tries to clinch but fails miserably
and Voller counters with an inside leg kick.
PoopyPants uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Voller.
Voller tries to land a front kick but PoopyPants steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.
PoopyPants misses with a body shot.
Voller is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by PoopyPants.
Voller is looking to slow PoopyPants down with leg kicks.
Voller misses with a body kick.
PoopyPants fails with a rather predictable takedown attempt.
PoopyPants jabs away that one connects to the head of his opponent.
Voller throws a body kick that digs right into the meat.
PoopyPants takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.
A head kick from Voller lands but PoopyPants takes it in his stride.
PoopyPants has developed a nice purple lump on his ribcage, as a result of some heavy body kicks from Voller.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
PoopyPants moves out of range as Voller throws a body kick.
Voller misses with a body kick.
Voller throws a decent looking leg kick but it doesn't land clean.
Voller listening to his corner there, landing a nice uppercut.
PoopyPants misses with a straight left.
Voller misses with an attempted mid kick.
Voller looks to land a body kick but PoopyPants moved away.
PoopyPants takes a body kick right on the floating rib. Ouchie.
PoopyPants moves in looking to clinch but Voller pushes him off.
PoopyPants throws a hook to the side of Voller's head but Voller sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
PoopyPants throws a jab, cross combination which is slipped
and Voller makes him pay by landing a thudding low kick.
PoopyPants takes a swing at Voller's ribcage but misses.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Voller lets the fists fly and connects with a left straight followed by a right hook.
Voller ducks down and throws a hook to the body but PoopyPants moves away.
Voller lands with a shot to the body.
A telegraphed takedown attempt from PoopyPants is defended easily by Voller.
PoopyPants takes a thudding leg kick, right into the meat of the thigh.
PoopyPants fails to land with the punch combination there - jab, cross, hook, miss, miss, miss.
Voller tries to close the distance and clinch up but PoopyPants swats him away and circles back towards the center.
Voller takes a jab on the nose. He smiles like he loves it and keeps coming.
PoopyPants misses with an uppercut. Voller saw that one coming.
Voller tries a head kick but it misses.
Voller explodes with a nice body kick and back out of range. Nice work.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Voller clinches up against the cage.
PoopyPants doesn't land with the attempted body shot.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Voller blocks a punch to the side of the head.
PoopyPants blocks an elbow strike from Voller.

Voller breaks from the clinch.
PoopyPants shoots in for a takedown. "Ole!" shouts Voller as he jumps to the side.
Lars Voller has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of BitchFace PoopyPants.
Voller cracks a nice hook into PoopyPants's ribs.
Voller takes a swing at PoopyPants's ribcage but misses.
PoopyPants throws a lazy uppercut
and Voller counters with a big head kick but PoopyPants shrugs it off.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
Voller tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Voller connects with a looping right hand.
Voller scores with a nice one two combo and darts back out of range to avoid anything coming in the opposite direction.
Voller avoids the body shot from PoopyPants.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Lars Voller clearly takes that round.
The cut man is working on BitchFace PoopyPants's cut.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

PoopyPants throws an ugly left hook that misses
and Voller counters with a leg kick.
Voller is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that PoopyPants can do to turn this around?
Voller circles away from the clinch attempt.
Voller throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Voller takes one on the button.

Voller forces PoopyPants back against the cage and clinches.
Voller lands a nice elbow from the clinch.
Voller misses with an elbow strike.
PoopyPants tries for a takedown but Voller manages to get underhooks.
PoopyPants is working hard here but doesn't seem to be able to control effectively, up against the cage.
The referee is keeping an eye on PoopyPants - much more stalling and he will separate the fighters.
PoopyPants blocks the elbow strike.
Voller lands a nice elbow from the clinch.
Voller lands an elbow inside that PoopyPants shrugs off.

That's one minute gone in the round.

Voller manages to break the clinch.
Voller scores with a jab.
Voller uses good head movement to avoid the hook from PoopyPants.
Voller walks into a left hand.
PoopyPants misses with a hook.
Voller displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as PoopyPants throws out the jab.
Voller stuffs the takedown attempt from PoopyPants. PoopyPants gets slowly back to his feet.

PoopyPants fakes an overhand right and shoots for a takedown. Voller sprawls well initially but PoopyPants persists and gets the takedown into half guard.
PoopyPants is absolutely dripping with sweat - he looks exhausted.
Voller is trying to get back to full guard.
PoopyPants is looking to stall here but Voller recovers full guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
PoopyPants trying to control the position from guard on top but Voller is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
PoopyPants is in a good position here but he's just trying to control... And he's not even managing to do that successfully.
PoopyPants trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Voller keeping moving, preventing PoopyPants from controlling successfully.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

OK we're going to have a standup here. BitchFace PoopyPants hasn't been effective enough on the ground and the referee wants a restart.
Voller tries to score with a low kick but PoopyPants moves his leg out of the way.
PoopyPants tries to close the distance and clinch up against the cage but Voller paws at him with a jab and circles away.
A slapping leg kick lands for Voller.
Voller throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Lars Voller is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
PoopyPants cracks Voller with a good shot that sees him stumbling back into the cage.
Voller looks to land a left hand but PoopyPants moved out of range nicely.

PoopyPants closes the distance and pushes Voller back into the cage.
Still in the clinch, PoopyPants scores with a nice short uppercut.
PoopyPants looking for a takedown.
Lars Voller has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of BitchFace PoopyPants.
PoopyPants blocks the elbow strike.
PoopyPants avoids the elbow strike from Voller, against the cage.
Lars Voller has scored more points in the clinch so far.
PoopyPants has Voller pressed up against the cage and is working for takedown. Voller manages to improve position though and keeps the fight standing.
Voller blocks a body shot from PoopyPants.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
PoopyPants has Voller pressed against the cage, preventing Voller from circling away and getting back to striking at range.
Voller creates a bit of distance and throws an elbow that only just misses.
PoopyPants holding his opponent close, against the cage.
PoopyPants has Voller pressed up against the cage and is working for takedown. Voller manages to improve position though and keeps the fight standing.
Voller pushes off and fires off an elbow that misses, before clinching up again, against the cage.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
PoopyPants holding his opponent close, against the cage.
PoopyPants has a couple of punches blocked by Voller.
PoopyPants throws a nice elbow but it doesn't land.

PoopyPants lands a takedown into guard.
PoopyPants is looking to advance position but Voller has hit a scissor sweep - now he's on top in mount!
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Voller with some aggressive grappling here, looking for the finish.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

BitchFace PoopyPants dominated that fourth round.
The cut man is working on BitchFace PoopyPants's cut.
The referee calls time. The cornermen exit stage left and we're back to business. This is the final round!

Voller throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Voller thows a body shot but no joy.
Lars Voller is winning the standup battle so far.
Voller dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on PoopyPants. That did some damage!
Voller throws a half hearted mid kick.
A clash of legs there as PoopyPants blocks the low kick.
Voller avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Nice defenses there by Voller.
Voller misses with an attempted mid kick.
Voller throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent PoopyPants stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Voller has his head snapped back a nice jab. A little nod from Voller there as he acknowledges the shot.
PoopyPants works the jab nicely.
PoopyPants jabbing away but nothing is landing.

That's one minute gone in the round.
A telegraphed right hand from PoopyPants misses the target.
Voller tries a head kick but it misses.
Voller pivots as if he's going to throw a leg kick but stops half way.
The fighters circling - PoopyPants throws out the jab but it was never going to land.

PoopyPants closes the distance and clinches.
A short right from Voller.
Voller lands an elbow inside.
PoopyPants lands a right hand that snaps the head of Voller backwards.
PoopyPants tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Voller's elbow.
Voller lands an elbow inside.
PoopyPants is trying to drag Voller to the mat but Voller just about manages to keep his footing. He used the cage to his advantage there.

Voller escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.
BitchFace PoopyPants has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Voller fakes high and swings low for a body shot but PoopyPants manages to avoid it.
Voller lands with a slapping head kick.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Voller pushes PoopyPants away with a front kick.
A jab from Voller misses.
Voller looking to land some kicks to the body here.
Voller throws a head kick that looked like it stung.
PoopyPants tries to shoot in for a takedown. He's got hold of a leg but Voller swivels and escapes.
Voller feints a straight left to the body, then turns around with a flashy move and hits PoopyPantss jaw with a dramatic spinning back fist!

PoopyPants is rocked!
PoopyPants just misses with a punch to the body.
Voller misses with a head kick.
Lars Voller seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Voller throws a jab but it's blocked by PoopyPants.
PoopyPants tries to grapple but his opponent circles
and Voller counters with a body kick that stops PoopyPants in his tracks momentarily.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
PoopyPants doesn't manage to clinch there - Voller circles away.
PoopyPants has his head snapped back a nice jab. A little nod from PoopyPants there as he acknowledges the shot.
PoopyPants misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Voller.
PoopyPants fails with an attempt to clinch.
Voller throws a head kick but PoopyPants moves out of range.
Voller throws a wild combination but nothing lands.
PoopyPants cracks Voller with a right hand to the side of the head.
PoopyPants moves in looking to clinch but Voller pushes him off.
PoopyPants walks into a jab.
PoopyPants throws a combination that misses
and Voller counters with a nice kick to the body.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Voller lands a leg kick that knocks PoopyPants off balance momentarily.
PoopyPants misses with a hook. Voller ducked under it nicely.
Voller digs a good hook to PoopyPants's body.
Lars Voller is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.

Voller gets caught on his heels momentarily as he allows PoopyPants to score an easy takedown into full guard.
PoopyPants is wobbling all over the place through exhaustion. Will he make it to the final bell?
PoopyPants postures up in Voller's guard and throws a big left but Voller blocks it.
PoopyPants looking to sit in guard and control but Voller gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
Voller controlling from the guard. I say controlling but really, he's stalling.

And that's the end of the fight!
Lars Voller showed his dominance in that final round.
I think Voller has won this one but let's see what the judges have to say. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 5 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Steven Brown scores the fight 49:46
Judge Phil Schofield scores the fight 49:46
Judge Donald Grub scores the fight 49:46

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Lars Voller!
Lars Voller retains his light heavyweight title!
A relieved looking Lars Voller thanked the fans for their support and gave the usual line about them being amazing. They seemed to believe that he actually meant it.