PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a lightweight MMA rules bout between Augustus Belvedere IV (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Napoleon Dynamite (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Belvedere IV's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, Alphaville - Forever Young. Both fighters look fresh as a daisy as they make their way towards the cage.

Belvedere IV
vs
Dynamite

179 cm
37
167 lbs
27 - 15 - 0

178 cm
32
168 lbs
23 - 15 - 2

Good wrestling
Lethal high kicks
Cardio machine

Good wrestler
World class boxer
Good gas tank

Spartan Nutrition
GREEN!160

Spartan Nutrition
Mohito Fightwear

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the lightweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 27 - 15 - 0, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Augustus Belvedere IV!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 23 - 15 - 2, fighting out of London, Napoleon Dynamite!
The judges for this bout are , Jack Bonds and Timothy Bukovac.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Dynamite scores with a shot to the body.
Belvedere IV ducks under a wild hook from Dynamite.
Belvedere IV was looking to counter that move with a punch but didn't quite pull the trigger.
Dynamite fakes with a right hand and throws a good leg kick, right into the thigh. That had to hurt Belvedere IV.
Dynamite has done a lot of speed work in the buildup to this fight.
Dynamite lands a nice hook to Belvedere IV's body. Belvedere IV takes it in his stride and looks to land his own strikes.
Belvedere IV keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Dynamite.
Dynamite misses with a hook to the body
and Belvedere IV counters with a leg kick that reverborates around the arena.
Dynamite bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
Dynamite missing with a left hand there. Belvedere IV was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Belvedere IV thows a left - swing and a miss!
Nice defenses there by Dynamite.
Belvedere IV tries to score with a leg kick but it misses it's target.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Dynamite lands with a slapping head kick.
A big right from Belvedere IV misses.
Dynamite rushes in with a sloppy looking punch
and Belvedere IV counters with a stiff right hand.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Dynamite throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
It looked like Belvedere IV wanted to counter with a hook but didn't fully commit.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Belvedere IV throws the left hand but Dynamite avoids the punch easily.
Belvedere IV with a nice looking leg kick. You could hear that one land in a back row.
Ouch! a nice leg kick from Dynamite, right into the meat.
Dynamite is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Belvedere IV.
Belvedere IV appears to be looking for a big counter.

Dynamite closes the distance and gets a trip takedown into side control. Belvedere IV quickly recovers to half guard.
Belvedere IV is trying to stand up here but Dynamite is controlling him well.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.

Belvedere IV manages to create a bit of space in order to work his way back to his feet. Dynamite keeps hold of his opponent and drives him back against the cage.
Dynamite stalling against the cage.
Dynamite is working on a leg, looking for a takedown but Belvedere IV is defending well.
Belvedere IV tries to break the clinch but Dynamite is controlling the position.

Belvedere IV pushes off and circles away, back to the middle of the mat.
Dynamite pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Nice cross by Dynamite.

Dynamite gets a takedown into half guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Belvedere IV is trying to stand.

Belvedere IV kicks off Dynamite and gets to his feet.
Dynamite misses with a hook
and Belvedere IV connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Dynamite avoids the body shot from Belvedere IV.
Dynamite fakes a jab and throws a low kick but Belvedere IV checks it well.
Good exchange - Belvedere IV coming out on top.
Dynamite cracks Belvedere IV with a right hand to the side of the head.
Dynamite moves out of range of the strikes.
Dynamite connects with a nice looking jab.
Dynamite misses with a looping right.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
A swing and a miss from Dynamite.
Belvedere IV was looking to counter that last move with a shot to the body but he didn't commit.
We've been told by Belvedere IV's head coaches at Elite Dojo that he's been working on his takedown defense in preparation for this fight.
Dynamite misses with a straight right.
A solid leg kick lands there for Belvedere IV.
Belvedere IV fakes a couple of low kicks, before throwing one on the third attempt. It connects and Dynamite has to reset his feet before getting ready to engage.
Belvedere IV missing with a left hand there. Dynamite was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Belvedere IV throws a head kick that misses.
Dynamite shoots in for a takedown. "I don't think so" says Belvedere IV as he avoids it easily.
Belvedere IV seem to be loading up, looking for a big counter.
Dynamite with a lazy takedown attempt
and Belvedere IV counters with a series of strikes. Dynamite will be more careful next time no doubt.
Augustus Belvedere IV has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Napoleon Dynamite.
Dynamite looks for the body kick but Belvedere IV saw that one coming.
Belvedere IV tries to land a leg kick but Dynamite saw it coming and moves away.
Dynamite lets it all go there with a big combo counter but none of the punches connected.
Dynamite lands a nice hook to Belvedere IV's body. Belvedere IV takes it in his stride and looks to land his own strikes.
Belvedere IV on the wrong end of a decent looking cross there.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Belvedere IV misses with an uppercut. Dynamite saw that one coming.
Dynamite misses the jab.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Dynamite throws a leg kick which misses Belvedere IV's front leg but catches the back leg as Belvedere IV tries to avoid it.
Dynamite throws a chopping leg kick but Belvedere IV manages to avoid taking any serious damage.
Belvedere IV throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Belvedere IV thows a left - swing and a miss!
An inside leg kick from Dynamite misses.
Dynamite just misses with a punch to the body.
As Dynamite looks to move away, Belvedere IV throws a big counter combo bu Dynamite just gets out of the way.

Dynamite feints and as Belvedere IV raises his hands in defense, Dynamite changes levels and drives through with a takedown into guard.
Dynamite stops Belvedere IV from standing up.
Dynamite keeps in close for a moment and lands a decent shot to the side of Belvedere IV's head.
Dynamite wants to control from the top but Belvedere IV keeps moving.
Dynamite prevents Belvedere IV from getting back to his feet.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close round but I would say that Augustus Belvedere IV will probably get the nod.
That's time! Back to the action!

Belvedere IV ducks under a wild hook from Dynamite.
A solid leg kick lands there for Belvedere IV.
Napoleon Dynamite seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
A low kick from Belvedere IV is predictable there
and Dynamite counters nicely by changing levels and landing a hook to the body.
Dynamite swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Dynamite works the jab nicely.
Dynamite scoring well with a low kick there.
Dynamite falls off balance throwing a combination
and Belvedere IV counters with a nice body shot.
Dynamite lands a nice looking body kick.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Belvedere IV tries to score with a leg kick but it misses it's target.
Dynamite lands with a thumping leg kick.
Dynamite dodges the punch combination from Belvedere IV.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Belvedere IV steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Dynamite.
Dynamite lands a jab-cross combination.
Dynamite lands with a thumping leg kick.
Belvedere IV moves out of range of the strikes.
Dynamite scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.
Belvedere IV throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Belvedere IV wants to land a leg kick but Dynamite is out of range.
The crowd cheers as Dynamite lands an impressive looking overhand right. Belvedere IV doesn't seem phased though.
Dynamite misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Belvedere IV.
Belvedere IV swings for the body but Dynamite moves out of range.
Dynamite throws a head kick but Belvedere IV moves out of range.
Dynamite lands a jab to Belvedere IV's midsection.
Belvedere IV stalks Dynamite and leaps in with a furious combination of punches. Uppercuts and crosses smash into Dynamite's face. Dynamite staggers backwards, shaken.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Belvedere IV keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Dynamite.
Dynamite cracks Belvedere IV with a good jab.
Napoleon Dynamite seems to be getting the better of the standup.
Belvedere IV throws a low kick but Dynamite moves out of range easily.
Dynamite throws a head kick that half lands.
Dynamite walks into a straight right hand from Belvedere IV.
Belvedere IV takes one on the chin but seems OK.
Belvedere IV throws a series of punches but Dynamite avoids them all with ease.
Dynamite throws a hook but Belvedere IV avoids it easily.
Dynamite bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Belvedere IV's head.
Dynamite connects with a leg kick. Belvedere IV looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
Belvedere IV moves away from the strike by Dynamite.
Dynamite throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Belvedere IV.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite throws a big shot that misses.
Dynamite takes a swing at Belvedere IV's ribcage but misses.
Belvedere IV avoids the body shot from Dynamite.
Belvedere IV throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Belvedere IV takes one to the chin there.
Dynamite misses the shot to the body.
Belvedere IV tests Dynamite's chin there with a solid looking shot.
Dynamite takes a step towards his opponent and connects with a left hand, before circling away.
A slow jab from Dynamite misses its intended target.
Dynamite throws a head kick but Belvedere IV moves out of range.
Dynamite lands with a slapping head kick.
Belvedere IV throws a head kick but Dynamite moves out of range.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite thumps Belvedere IV with a low kick.
Dynamite lunges in with an uppercut that skims his opponent's chin.
Dynamite misses with a straight right.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Belvedere IV misses with a head kick.
Belvedere IV staying out of range there.
Dynamite looks to score with a jab to the body but Belvedere IV is just out of range.
Belvedere IV connects with a looping left hand that seems like it dazed Dynamite momentarily.
Dynamite throws out a leg kick but Belvedere IV moves out of range and Dynamite only half commits.
A nice leg kick lands there from Dynamite.
A looping hook to the body misses from Dynamite. Belvedere IV does a little dance to reset his feet.
Belvedere IV throwing a counter right hand but Dynamite manages to avoid it.
Dynamite misses with a looping right.
It looked like Belvedere IV was looking amped, ready to throw a big counter but didn't commit.
Belvedere IV lands with a two punch combination before moving back out of range.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Napoleon Dynamite showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
The fighters get back to their feet, the hooter sounds and we're back to the action! This is the final round!

Dynamite misses with a looping right.
Belvedere IV tried to counter with a leg kick but Dynamite avoided it.
A decent looking cross lands there for Dynamite.

Oooooh!!! Belvedere IV has knocked Dynamite down with a huge combo! Belvedere IV steps away and waves a wobbly Dynamite back to his feet! This one might not go much longer!

Dynamite is rocked!
Dynamite swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Belvedere IV counters with a right hand to the body.
Dynamite is still on wobbly legs! Can Belvedere IV finish him?
Dynamite throws a right and a left that Belvedere IV avoids nicely.

Belvedere IV lands a big head kick that sends Dynamite tumbling to the mat! Belvedere IV takes a step backwards and waves Dynamite back to his feet - he wants the finish!
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Dynamite throws a front kick that sends Belvedere IV stumbling back into the cage.
A swing and a miss from Belvedere IV.
Dynamite checks a low kick from Belvedere IV.
Dynamite connects with an inside leg kick.
Dynamite catches Belvedere IV with a nice straight right. He seems pissed - ooooh, it's on now! On like donkey kong!
Dynamite misses with a wild body shot.
Dynamite seems to have recovered his senses.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Dynamite avoids a punch combination nicely.
Dynamite let fly with a counter punch to the body but it didn't land.
The crowd cheers as Dynamite lands an impressive looking overhand right. Belvedere IV doesn't seem phased though.
Dynamite staying out of range there.
Dynamite lands a nice leg kick that just misses Belvedere IV's sensitive parts.
Belvedere IV moves out of range of the body kick from Dynamite.
Belvedere IV half committed to a counter leg kick.
Dynamite keeping at a good range here, avoiding a leg kick.
Dynamite walks straight into a jab right on the nose. That one stung - he's blinking and trying to clear his head.
Belvedere IV moves forwards but Dynamite connects with a nice, crisp jab.
Belvedere IV will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
Dynamite scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.
Belvedere IV misses with a low kick as Dynamite jumps back.
Belvedere IV connects with a leg kick. Dynamite looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
This has been an exciting period of action!

Dynamite manages to get an easy takedown there - catching Belvedere IV on his heels. He'll look to pass Belvedere IV's guard now, I'm sure.
Belvedere IV is looking to get back to his feet but can't, whilst Dynamite is controlling him.
Dynamite is standing up over Belvedere IV. Belvedere IV looks to escape but Dynamite dives into side control.
Dynamite lands a decent elbow from side control.
Dynamite passes to full mount! That's big trouble for Belvedere IV!
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Dynamite in mount throwing good strikes here, bouncing his opponent's head off the canvas.
Dynamite looking to control but Belvedere IV is working nicely, looking to advance position himself.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite with a couple of short strikes.
Belvedere IV is not a happy chappy… he wants out of there.
Dynamite tries to control but Belvedere IV wriggling away.

Belvedere IV bucks Dynamite off and manages to get back to his feet!
Belvedere IV cracks Dynamite with a right hand to the side of the head.
Belvedere IV takes a body punch that cleary hurt but he's trying not to show any weakness.
Belvedere IV scores with a hook.
Belvedere IV takes one on the chin but keeps coming.
Belvedere IV is hobbling a little on that front leg after taking quite a few leg kicks so far in this fight.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Dynamite jabs Belvedere IV right on the nose. Belvedere IV blinks but takes it well.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Dynamite throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Dynamite tests Belvedere IV's chin there with a solid looking shot.
Dynamite misses with a body kick.
Dynamite lands with a nice body punch.
Dynamite swings for the body but Belvedere IV moves out of range.
The crowd cheers as Dynamite lands an impressive looking overhand right. Belvedere IV doesn't seem phased though.
Sloppy strikes from Belvedere IV. Those never looked like landing.
Sloppy strikes from Dynamite. Those never looked like landing.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Belvedere IV thows a body kick. Dynamite tries to catch it but that hurt him.
Dynamite takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.
Dynamite does a little shimmy and throws a leg kick. The leg kick missed by a considerable margin though, making him look a little bit silly for doing the shimmy.
Belvedere IV avoids the head kick by Dynamite.

And that's the end of the fight!
That was a close round. You could make an argument for either fighter but I would give it to Augustus Belvedere IV.
I think Belvedere IV has won this one but let's see what the judges have to say. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Percy O'Donnell scores the fight 29:28
Judge Jack Bonds scores the fight 29:28
Judge Timothy Bukovac scores the fight 29:30

In favor of your winner, by split decision... Augustus Belvedere IV!
As Augustus Belvedere IV got his breath back, he grabbed the microphone and managed to blurt out the following: Islam seeks to destroy each and every culture, this is what is does by design. 90% of pedophile convictions in the UK this year are muslim men against white girls.... NS'.