PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Theodore Thundercunt (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Ohto Alanko (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Both these guys have solid standup skills and neither is particularly fantastic on the ground, so let's hope for a nice standup war!

Thundercunt
vs
Alanko

194 cm
26
245 lbs
9 - 3 - 0

195 cm
26
250 lbs
6 - 3 - 0

Decent wrestler
Solid boxing
Cardio machine

BJJ White Belt
Excellent MT
Good gas tank

Sully's Bar & Grill

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 9 - 3 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Theodore Thundercunt!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 6 - 3 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Ohto Alanko!
The judges for this bout are Michael Johnstone, Dirk Anderson and Sandra Marshall.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Thundercunt looks to land a right hand but Alanko moved out of range.
Nice defenses there by Alanko.
Thundercunt is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.

It looks like Ohto Alanko has been cut.
Ohto Alanko seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Thundercunt on the wrong end of a decent looking cross there.

It looks like Theodore Thundercunt has been cut.
A shot to the liver by Thundercunt. Beautiful body shot.
Alanko throws a leg kick but he was too far away and it doesn't land.
Thundercunt scores with a sloppy punch to the body. Not much technique there but it did the business.
Thundercunt uses decent footwork to sidestep a right hand from Alanko.
Thundercunt definitely looks more muscular than last time we saw him fight.
Alanko lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Thundercunt just misses with a punch to the body.
Alanko swings away with a counter right hand but no contact made.
Thundercunt misses with a straight left.
Alanko moves into range and connects with a jab.
Alanko feints with a shoulder and throws a nice leg kick to Thundercunt's calf.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Nice shot by Alanko.

Thundercunt is rocked!

Alanko has managed to clinch.
Thundercunt lands a hook that snaps the head of Alanko backwards.
Alanko struggles to land a body shot inside as Thundercunt controls his hands.
A real battle for position is taking place between these two warriors.
Alanko scores with an uppercut up the middle.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Alanko misses with a short punch on the inside.
Thundercunt lands a body punch in the clinch.
A quick uppercut on the inside from Alanko.
Alanko misses with some punches.
Alanko controlling the action here for a moment.

Alanko pushes off and circles away, back to the middle of the mat.
Thundercunt catches Alanko with a nice straight right. He seems pissed - ooooh, it's on now! On like donkey kong!
Thundercunt swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Alanko fakes with the hands and throws a leg kick but Thundercunt is out of range.
Thundercunt misses with a right hand
and Alanko counters with an inside leg kick.
Alanko slips under a jab from Thundercunt.
Thundercunt throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Alanko steps in looking to clinch after the strikes miss from Thundercunt.
Alanko misses with a body punch
and Thundercunt counters with a lovely shot to the body.
Thundercunt ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Alanko moves away.

Thundercunt tries to keep at a distance but Alanko has taken the fight into the clinch.
Thundercunt misses with a punch to the body.
Alanko looks more muscular than last time we saw him. He must have been on the weights.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Thundercunt tries to break free but Alanko pushes him back against the cage.
Thundercunt misses with a hook to the ribs.
Alanko blocking some punches.
Thundercunt tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Alanko's elbow.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Alanko tries to work over Thundercunt's body with a swooping hook but it only glances the target.
A short uppercut from Thundercunt.
Thundercunt misses with a shot to the kidneys.
A short body shot lands from Alanko as the two fighters clinch.
Alanko stays in close to his opponent and throws a right hand to the body.
Alanko is working hard here but doesn't seem to be able to control effectively, up against the cage.
Alanko is trying to slow down the pace in the clinch, to catch his breath.
Alanko seems frustrated at his inability to get double underhooks.
Alanko misses with a body punch.
Thundercunt looks like he'd prefer to be striking at range right now.
Alanko lands with a short head shot on the inside.
Alanko taking a break, stalling in the clinch.
Alanko is trying to slow down the pace in the clinch, to catch his breath.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Alanko slowing the pace effectively.
Thundercunt tries to work over Alanko's body with a swooping hook but it only glances the target.
A short right hand to the side of the head by Alanko.
Thundercunt tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Alanko's elbow.
A battle for position here, against the cage.
Alanko tries a shoulder strike but it doesn't do any damage.
Thundercunt blocks an uppercut.
A head punch on the inside from Alanko fails to land.
Thundercunt misses with a hook from the clinch.
Thundercunt throws a head punch that misses.
Thundercunt swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Alanko is clearly stalling here... Pick up the pace son.
Alanko looking to slow down the pace here.
Thundercunt wants to break free but Alanko has control.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Thundercunt lands with a right to the head.
Thundercunt misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Alanko is trying to maintain a safe position but Thundercunt gets an underhook and turns Alanko into the cage.
Alanko is looking to control Thundercunt's arms but Thundercunt gets an underhook and turns him. Now Alanko has his back to the cage.
Alanko is trying to slow the pace down but that's a couple of times in a row that he's tried to get underhooks and Thundercunt has denied him.
The ref breaks the fighters up, due to lack of action by Ohto Alanko.
Alanko avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Alanko moves away from the strike by Thundercunt.
Alanko darts in and out, connecting with a jab.
Nice defenses there by Alanko.
Alanko throws a quick inside leg kick.
Alanko takes a punch right to his stomach. That took the wind out of him momentarily.
Alanko misses with a hook. Thundercunt ducked under it nicely.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Thundercunt lands with a nice body punch.
Thundercunt fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Alanko manages to avoid it.
A lazy left from Thundercunt finds it's target.

Alanko rushes Thundercunt and presses him up against the cage.
Thundercunt goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close round but Ohto Alanko will probably get the nod.
Both fighters have cut men working on them during the interval.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action!

Alanko looks up at the clock. Bad move! Thundercunt lands a right hand from hell, dropping Alanko. Thundercunt pounces and finishes the fight with a flurry of punches and elbows.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 0:05 of round 2, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Theodore Thundercunt!