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PBP Commentary |
Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Dardan Douchebag (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Clubber Lang (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Douchebag comes to the cage accompanied by Donkey. Lang is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger. Dardan Douchebag is staring across the cage at his opponent, tweaking his nipples... Tweaking his own nipples that is.
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| 176 cm
21
155 lbs
2 - 1 - 0 |
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175 cm
28
155 lbs
6 - 5 - 0 |
Good wrestling
Counter fighter
Cardio machine |
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BJJ Purple Belt
Lethal high kicks
Solid chin |
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Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of
2 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Dardan Douchebag!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of
6 - 5 - 0, fighting out of London, Clubber Lang!
The judges for this bout are Alyssa Summers, Russell Pearce and Dean Styles.
The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Lang lands a nice looking body shot.
Lang lunges in with an uppercut that skims his opponent's chin.
Lang lands a lovely overhand right.
Lang dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Douchebag. That did some damage!
Lang throws a low kick, looking for Douchebag's leg but Douchebag calmly moves out of range.
Lang connects with an inside leg kick.
Lang fails in his attempt to clinch.
Lang pivots as if he's going to throw a leg kick but stops half way.
Lang has Douchebag up against the cage in a clinch.
Douchebag is trying to pull guard but Lang turns him against the cage and we stay in the clinch.
Lang is looking to score with knees to the body. Maybe he'll change it up and go body then head. Douchebag is defending well for now.
Lang utilising his Muay Thai to score with a knee to the body.
Lang trying to land knees to the body.
The pace really dropping off here, momentarily.
That's one minute gone in the round.
Lang putting his Muay Thai to good use. He has Douchebag in a tight clinch and is doing some damage with knees to the body.
Lang prevents a takedown attempt there.
Lang keeps the fight in the clinch, despite Douchebag's efforts to push away.
Some stalling of biblical proportions here from Lang.
Douchebag has moved round to his opponent's back and is looking for a suplex! Oh snap! He's tossed Lang clear over his head and slammed him to the mat!
Lang is trying to break free.
Lang is trying to get back to his feet. He's worked up on to his knees and now he's on his feet with his head on the canvas, trying to shake Douchebag off. It looks like it's working - Douchebag slides off, much to his dismay, and we're back to standing! Lang displaying calm under pressure there.
Clubber Lang seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Lang waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract Douchebag.
Douchebag slips under a jab.
That's two minutes gone in the round.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Lang throws a big shot that misses.
Douchebag drops down looking for a counter takedown but Lang sprawls and moves away.
Douchebag fails with a takedown attempt from distance.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Dardan Douchebag. That's going to take a lot out of him.
The fighters circling - Lang throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Lang cracks Douchebag with a nice right hand that draws applause from the crowd.
Douchebag shoots in for a takedown. He's persisting with it as Lang sprawls well. Lang wins this battle and keeps the fight standing. Douchebag gets slowly back to his feet.
Lang scores with a shot to the body.
The crowd cheers as Lang lands an impressive looking overhand right. Douchebag doesn't seem phased though.
Douchebag takes a jab on the nose. He smiles like he loves it and keeps coming.
Lang misses with a head kick.
Lang swings for the body but Douchebag moves out of range.
That's three minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag shoots in for a takedown - he's clinched up with Lang but Lang pushes him off and we're back to square one.
Lang throws a jab when Douchebag was well out of range.
Douchebag looking to score a takedown here. Lang is defending well but Douchebag drives through and ends up in Lang's guard.
Lang wants to sweep but no luck.
Lang can't keep his opponent in guard - Douchebag advances to half guard, no doubt looking to mount.
Douchebag scores with a couple of good hammerfists.
Lang is trying to stand up here but Douchebag is controlling him well.
Douchebag trying to control from half guard but Lang is working away.
Lang manages to get to full guard.
Douchebag stands up over Lang, holding his feet. He dives back in and lands a decent shot to the head.
That's four minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag postures up in Lang's guard and throws a big left but Lang blocks it.
Lang had isolated an arm as going for a kimura. Douchebag defends it easily.
Douchebag sitting in guard here, content to control.
Douchebag working in close now, lands a nice elbow to the side of Lang's head.
Hammerfist, elbow! yells Douchebag's corner. There ya go! There ya go!
Lang keeping moving, preventing Douchebag from controlling successfully.
Douchebag trying to land body shots but he keeps hitting the mat.
Douchebag advances to half guard.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.
Clubber Lang dominated that round.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.
Lang fakes and then throws a beautiful body shot. Douchebag looks a bit winded and takes a step backwards to take a breath.
Douchebag doesn't succeed with the takedown
and Lang counters with a straight right hand.
Lang connects with a lovely jab that went straight through the gap between Douchebag's hands.
Lang takes a swing at Douchebag's ribcage but misses.
Douchebag drops his hands momentarily and Lang takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
Lang misses with a low kick.
A slapping leg kick lands for Lang.
Horrible takedown attempt by Douchebag or perhaps it was just good defense by Lang, which made it look bad.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Douchebag takes a head kick and keeps coming.
Clubber Lang seems to be getting the better of the standup.
A decent looking cross lands there for Lang.
Nice takedown defense from Lang. No joy for Douchebag on that attempt.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Dardan Douchebag. That's going to take a lot out of him.
That's one minute gone in the round.
Lang gets a clinch.
Lang tries to land knees in the clinch but Douchebag avoids the damage to the body.
Douchebag wants a takedown.
Douchebag successfully pulls guard.
Lang trying to control but Douchebag is working from the bottom.
Douchebag has his hands on Lang's head, controlling the position.
Lang trying to stand up but can't free himself from Douchebag's guard.
Lang must be cautious of submissions here, given that his opponent has the superior Jiu Jitsu.
Lang preventing the sweep.
Douchebag seems to have improved his submission grappling technique since last time we saw him. Let's see if he can pull off a submission.
That's two minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag pulls Lang in close to his closed guard and prevents Lang from doing any damage or advancing position.
Lang seems content to control from guard here. He's going to have to remain active though if he doesn't want to get stood back up.
Lang has been the more effective fighter overall so far.
Douchebag has his hands on Lang's head, controlling the position.
We may be looking at a referee standup if the pace doesn't pick up soon.
Douchebag looking to sweep here. No luck so far.
The referee decides to stand the fighters back up.
That's three minutes gone in the round.
Lang is looking to land body kicks.
Lang looks to land a body kick but Douchebag moved away.
Lang stuffs the takedown attempt from Douchebag. Douchebag gets slowly back to his feet.
Lang swinging wildly here.
Lang throws a nice head kick!
Lang tries to clinch up.
Lang scores with a slapping inside leg kick.
Lang turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Douchebag is trying hard to land a takedown here. Lang sprawls well and keeps this one on the feet.
A little jabbing left from Lang on the counter but it doesn't find it's target.
Nice body punch from Lang.
Lang tries to score with a leg kick but it misses it's target.
That's four minutes gone in the round.
Lang scores with a jab.
Lang punishes Douchebag's body with a nice straight punch.
Lang misses with a kick to the body
and Douchebag counters with a takedown into side control.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Douchebag works a knee to the body and follows up with a nice elbow to the head.
Douchebag advances to full mount.
Lang is desperately trying to get back to half guard.
Douchebag with the ground and pound from mount.
Douchebag tucks in and makes sure he doesn't lose the dominant position.
Lang tries to lock up and control but Douchebag gives him a forearm to the face and pushes him away.
Douchebag in mount throwing good strikes here, bouncing his opponent's head off the canvas.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.
Clubber Lang showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
That's time! Douchebag's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight. This is the final round!
The fighters circling - Lang throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Douchebag on the wrong end of a nice low kick. He's acting like it's no big deal but he doesn't want to take many more of those.
Lang lands a right hook to the body.
Douchebag shakes his hands off, looking to compose himself, but takes a jab to the jaw whilst he does it.
Douchebag scores with a nice takedown into half guard. Let's see what he's got on the ground.
Douchebag drops an elbow to the side of Lang's head.
Douchebag performing his best blanket impression for a moment.
Douchebag throwing shots but they're hitting the canvas more than the man.
Douchebag lands a big shot. The thud that echoes around the arena is like music to the fans' ears.
Douchebag passes the guard and advances to mount!
Douchebag sitting in mount, just looking to control for the moment.
That's one minute gone in the round.
The referee warns Lang that he has to improve his position here as he takes two more clean shots to the head.
Douchebag is landing with some decent strikes but Lang is trying to advance his position so the referee is letting the fight continue.
Lang felt the need to train up his defensive grappling in the buildup to the fight. Presumably he was expecting to be in a difficult position like this, so let's see if he can get out of it.
Douchebag is working on an americana here. Ooh, that looks pretty nasty! Nope, Lang has managed to escape the submission attempt.
Douchebag takes a little breather and maintains the position. The referee will be looking for him to stay active from such a dominant position though.
Douchebag raining down shots from the mount!
Douchebag scores with a couple of good head shots there.
Lang is rocked!
That's two minutes gone in the round.
Douchebag loads up on a couple of big shots to the head that have Lang scrambling to escape. He can't get free though and several more unanswered shots from Douchebag land to the head. The referee has no choice but to stop the fight. Douchebag stands and salutes the crowd.
Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:26 of round 3, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Dardan Douchebag!
Dardan Douchebag took to the microphone after his victory and thanked his sponsors, My$tic Clothing ~ (`10%Laundry`) for their support in the buildup to the fight.
In defeat, Clubber Lang stepped up to the mic, saying 'Fight me again pussy, I'll fuck you up'.
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| S |
C
A |
G |
S |
C
B |
G |
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S |
C |
G |
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energy
A | B |
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hype
A | B |
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pop
A | B |
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mgr
A | B |
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FIGHT
RATING
61% |
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