PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a super heavyweight MMA rules bout between Whatacunt Bones (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Holly Stackhouse (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Stackhouse is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by Tool - Jambi. This should be a great matchup!

Bones
vs
Stackhouse

195 cm
26
217 lbs
10 - 0 - 0

225 cm
27
300 lbs
7 - 2 - 0

BJJ White Belt
Excellent MT
Very strong

BJJ Blue Belt
Great elbows
Granite chin

Lion Fightwear
MayheM sportswear

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the super heavyweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 10 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Whatacunt Bones!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 7 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Tokyo, Holly Stackhouse!
The judges for this bout are Paul Gruel, Jeff Smith and Colin Fray.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Bones misses the shot to the body.
Bones wants to clinch.
Bones looks to throw the jab but Stackhouse is out of range.

Bones has taken the fight to the clinch.
Stackhouse can't break the clinch.
Bones dodges an elbow strike from Stackhouse.
Bones swings wildly with an uppercut but Stackhouse uses good head movement to avoid it.
Bones tries to work over Stackhouse's body with a swooping hook but it only glances the target.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Bones lands a hook that snaps the head of Stackhouse backwards.
Bones throws a head punch that misses.
Bones misses with a body punch.
Stackhouse lands punches inside but they're not really causing much damage.
Bones misses with a punch on the inside.

Stackhouse escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.
Some wild striking there from Stackhouse.
Stackhouse has been spending a lot of time sparring his boxing in the run up to the fight, trying to sharpen up those hands and look for a knockout.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Bones slips under a jab.
Stackhouse moves his head to the side to avoid a jab but walks straight into a cross.
Bones throws a body shot but no joy.
Bones takes a step towards his opponent and connects with a left hand, before circling away.
Bones fakes a head punch and goes low to the body. Nicely done.
Stackhouse throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Bones misses with a body punch
and Stackhouse cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.

Stackhouse tries to keep at a distance but Bones has taken the fight into the clinch.
Bones tries a body shot but Stackhouse blocks it.
Bones misses with the head strike.
Bones misses with the head strike.
Stackhouse misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Stackhouse blocks an uppercut.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Nice body punch from Bones.
Bones softening up his opponent with strikes, against the cage.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Bones tries a body shot but Stackhouse blocks it.
Bones makes some space for himself and lands an uppercut.
Bones keeps control of Stackhouse as he tries to wriggle out of the double underhooks.
Stackhouse blocks an uppercut.
I was talking to Bones's coach per-fight and he was telling me that they'd been working on the clinch in the runup to this fight.
Bones throws a blind hook that connects with the side of Stackhouses head.
Bones keeps the fight in the clinch, despite Stackhouse's efforts to push away.
Bones lands a body shot.
Bones gets through Stackhouse's defenses to land a nice punch to the side of the head.
Stackhouse is trying to break free.
Stackhouse wants to get back to striking at distance but Bones won't allow it.
Bones tries to work over Stackhouse's body with a swooping hook but it only glances the target.
Bones swings wildly with an uppercut but Stackhouse uses good head movement to avoid it.
Bones working aggressively here.
An uppercut to the body lands inside from Bones.
Bones keeps control of Stackhouse as he tries to wriggle out of the double underhooks.
Bones scores with a shot to the side of Stackhouse's head.
Stackhouse looks winded!
Bones presses Stackhouse against the cage and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
Bones has a couple of punches blocked by Stackhouse.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Bones keeps the fight in the clinch, despite Stackhouse's efforts to push away.
Stackhouse stays in close to his opponent and throws a right hand to the body.
Bones lands a body shot in the clinch.
Bones throws a head punch that misses.
Stackhouse is trying to break the clinch but Bones has him pressed against the cage.
Bones works on Stackhouse's body with a couple of short punches.
Bones lands a short shot on the inside that snaps the head of Stackhouse backwards.
A nice right hand lands inside from Bones.
A short body shot lands from Bones as the two fighters clinch.
Bones digs a right hand underneath Stackhouse's ribcage. Stackhouse let out a lung full of air as it connected.
A head punch on the inside from Bones fails to land.
A frustrated look appears on Stackhouse's face as he tries to break the clinch.
Bones misses with a short punch on the inside.
With the fighters clinched against the cage, Bones creates a bit of distance for himself and scores with a nice uppercut.
Bones working on landing some head shots here - that one got through nicely.
Bones slowing the pace effectively.
Bones presses Stackhouse against the cage and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
Bones lands a right hand.
Bones lands a nice uppercut.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
A short left from Bones.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Bones misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Bones lands a left hand that snaps the head of Stackhouse backwards.
Bones working on landing some head shots here - that one got through nicely.
Bones lands punches inside but they're not really causing much damage.
Stackhouse's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
Bones lands a right hand that snaps the head of Stackhouse backwards.
Bones cracks Stackhouse with a nice body shot.
Bones tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Stackhouse's elbow.
Bones throws a head punch that misses.
Bones swings wildly with an uppercut but Stackhouse uses good head movement to avoid it.
Bones throws a blind hook that connects with the side of Stackhouses head.
Bones lands an uppercut.
A right hand to the body from Bones.
Bones tries to throw a body punch but Stackhouse avoids it by throwing Bones back against the cage.
Bones throws a punch but it's blocked by Stackhouse.
Bones lands a right uppercut that snaps the head of Stackhouse backwards.
Nice body punch from Bones.
Bones stays in close to his opponent and throws a right hand to the body.
Stackhouse's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Bones lands with a right to the head.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Whatacunt Bones dominated that round.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the cage so we can get back down to business.

Bones closes the distance and clinches.
Whatacunt Bones has scored more points in the clinch so far.
Bones goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
Bones gets through Stackhouse's defenses to land a nice punch to the side of the head.
A quick uppercut on the inside from Bones.
Stackhouse blocks an uppercut.
Bones scores with a nice hook to the head.
Stackhouse blocks a punch to the side of the head.
Stackhouse wants to break free. God knows he wants to breaaaak freeee.
Stackhouse wants to push off and get back to the center of the mat but Bones has him pressed against the cage.
Stackhouse is trying to work out of this bad position, with his back against the cage.
Bones blocking some punches.
Stackhouse wants to break free but Bones has control.
Bones is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Stackhouse can do to turn this around?
Bones lands a hook that snaps the head of Stackhouse backwards.
Stackhouse blocks an uppercut.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Stackhouse blocks a punch to the side of the head.
Stackhouse wants to get back to striking at distance but Bones won't allow it.
Bones prevents Stackhouse from breaking the clinch.
Bones fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
Bones lands a left hand that snaps the head of Stackhouse backwards.
Stackhouse is breathing heavily.
Bones lands a left hand that snaps the head of Stackhouse backwards.
Bones misses with a punch to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Stackhouse blocks a punch to the side of the head.
Bones lands a right uppercut that snaps the head of Stackhouse backwards.

Stackhouse is rocked!
Stackhouse wants to push off and get back to the center of the mat but Bones has him pressed against the cage.
Stackhouse is still on wobbly legs! Can Bones finish him?
A head punch blocked on the inside by Stackhouse.
A shot in the inside from Bones.
Bones working some nice short punches in the clinch.
Bones misses with a hook from the clinch.
Stackhouse misses with an elbow over the top.
Nice body punch from Bones.
Bones working some nice short punches in the clinch.
Stackhouse blocking some punches.
Bones lands an uppercut.
Bones lands a body punch.
Bones dips a shoulder and cracks Stackhouse with a mighty uppercut! Stackhouse falls back against the cage and Bones unloads with a barrage of strikes! Stackhouse is completely out with his eyes open, only supported by the cage! Save him ref! Eventually the ref decides to do his job and jumps in - Bones screams abuse at the incompetent official before going over to celebrate with his corner. Brutal stuff!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 1:40 of round 2, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Whatacunt Bones!
Whatacunt Bones is the new super heavyweight champion!
A relieved looking Whatacunt Bones thanked the fans for their support and gave the usual line about them being amazing. They seemed to believe that he actually meant it.