PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Long Schlong (ranked 1356 p4p, 142 weight class) and Buakaw Banchamek (ranked 6420 p4p, 421 weight class). Banchamek has chosen Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger as his entrance music. Both fighters look fresh as a daisy as they make their way towards the ring.

Schlong
vs
Banchamek

178 cm
22
150 lbs
8 - 6 - 0

174 cm
31
150 lbs
9 - 11 - 0

Good wrestling
Excellent MT
Insanely flexible

BJJ Purple Belt
Excellent MT
Good gas tank

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 8 - 6 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Long Schlong!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 9 - 11 - 0, fighting out of Sydney, Buakaw Banchamek!
The judges for this bout are Gwen Towbar, Cecil Peabody and Frank Dennis.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Banchamek moves out of range of the leg kick from Schlong.
Banchamek avoids the body shot from Schlong.
Schlong lands a leg kick that knocks Banchamek off balance momentarily.
Banchamek tries to close the distance and clinch up against the ropes but Schlong paws at him with a jab and circles away.
A bone on bone clash there as Banchamek blocks the leg kick.

Banchamek takes the fight into the clinch.

Schlong breaks from the clinch.

Banchamek darts in and clinches Schlong up against the ropes.
We can't be sure of the tactics at this early stage but we have heard that Banchamek has been working on his takedowns a lot in the buildup to the fight and we can only assume he's going to look to take this to the mat.
Banchamek pushes off and fires off an elbow that misses, before clinching up again, against the ropes.
A right hook to the body lands for Schlong.
Schlong misses with a punch on the inside.
A short uppercut from Banchamek.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Schlong managing to block the knees to the body from Banchamek.
Banchamek tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.
Banchamek lands a hook to the body. It's hard to tell if that hurt Schlong or not.
Banchamek lands an elbow just above Schlong 's eye.

It looks like Long Schlong has been cut.
Schlong lands an uppercut.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
A quick uppercut on the inside from Banchamek.
Banchamek looks to throw an elbow but misses.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Banchamek throws an elbow but it misses.
Schlong pressing his opponent against the ropes.
A nice glancing elbow lands by Banchamek.
Schlong drops down for a takedown but doesn't get it.
Banchamek avoiding damage as Schlong throws knees to the body.
Banchamek looks to throw an elbow but misses.
Banchamek throws an elbow but it misses.
Schlong has a couple of punches blocked by Banchamek.
Banchamek blocks a couple of punches on the inside.

Schlong jumps guard.

Schlong has his foot on Banchamek's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. Banchamek works his way back into a safe position though.

Banchamek is holding a leg here, probably looking for an ankle lock - he drops back and goes for it! Schlong is in trouble! Is it all over??? No! Schlong has escaped and now he's on top!

Banchamek working for a triangle but Schlong defends it easily.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Schlong trying to control the position from guard on top but Banchamek is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.

Banchamek is throwing his legs up, looking for submissions. Schlong is aware though and is defending well.
Schlong passes Banchamek's left leg - he's now in half guard.

Banchamek is defending against the submission attempts here by Schlong.
Schlong is keen to just control but Banchamek is a slippery customer.

Schlong is working for a submission of some sort.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.

Schlong seems to be working for a kimura but Banchamek defends the submission attempt.
Banchamek wants to get back to full guard.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Banchamek is defending against the submission attempts here by Schlong.
Banchamek is trying to get back to full guard.
Schlong wants to lay and pray for a moment but Banchamek keeps working.
Banchamek is looking to get back to full guard here but Schlong has managed to pass to side control instead.

Schlong working hard here to secure a kimura but he's not really in the right position for it.
Schlong controls the position.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Schlong is looking to finish here, going for an Americana. Banchamek knows the correct defense though, so he's OK.
Banchamek is trying to get back to half guard.
Banchamek keeps trying to improve his position.

Schlong looking for an arm triangle but it's way too loose to do anything.

Schlong tries for an arm triangle. That looks pretty tight to me. Is this one over!?! Possibly, maybe, no Schlong has let go of the choke. Obviously it wasn't as tight as we thought!
Banchamek sneaks a leg under to get back to half guard.

Banchamek is defending against the submission attempts here by Schlong.

Banchamek looking for a kimura from the bottom but Schlong passes into side control!
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Long Schlong dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Long Schlong's cut.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

Banchamek closes the distance but Schlong moves to the side
and Schlong counters with a nice uppercut.
Banchamek tries to clinch but Schlong moves away
and Schlong connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Buakaw Banchamek seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Banchamek keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Banchamek tries to clinch up against the ropes, rushing in to close the distance. Schlong manages to break the clinch and circles back to the middle of the mat.
Schlong attempts a counter takedown but Banchamek avoids it well and moves away.
A looping hook to the body misses from Schlong. Banchamek does a little dance to reset his feet.
Schlong lands a nice shot that snaps Banchamek's head back.
Banchamek tries to clinch but Schlong is having none of it.
Banchamek looks to clinch

and Schlong counters with a shoot takedown into half guard.
Banchamek is not content to let Schlong control the position.

Schlong is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Banchamek sees it coming and defends easily.
Schlong tries to pass to full mount but Banchamek defends it.
Banchamek gets full guard.

Banchamek looking for submissions off his back, moving his hips, looking for an opening.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Banchamek tries to land a sweep but no joy.
The fighters are trapped in the ropes so we're going to have a reposition here. The ref calls for a break and repositions the fighters in the center of the ring.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Schlong slips effortlessly into side control - very nice.

Schlong working hard here to secure a kimura but he's not really in the right position for it.

Schlong thinks about going for a far side armbar but bails out and retains the dominant position instead.
Banchamek gets back to half guard.
Schlong is looking to take a break and control but Banchamek is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
Banchamek is trying to get back to full guard.

Schlong is working for a submission of some sort.
Banchamek is trying to get back to full guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Schlong is looking for a kimura but Banchamek is holding onto that half guard position, so it's hard for Schlong to get the leverage.
Schlong is figuring out what he wants to do next.
The fighters are battling for position here. Banchamek manages to regain full guard. Nice work.

Banchamek working from the bottom, still in full guard. He's managed to get a loose triangle. Schlong doesn't seem to be doing much to defend here, obviously he feels comfortable in the position. Schlong manages to throw the legs off his shoulder and he's back into guard - no problem.
The fighters are tangled up in the ropes here. We might need a restart if the fighters can't break free themselves.
Banchamek is looking to sweep but instead, Schlong has passed into half guard.
Banchamek is not content to let Schlong control the position.
Banchamek is looking to regain full guard. Not this time though.
Schlong is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Banchamek can do to turn this around?
Banchamek is working for an escape here. He's hooked one of Schlong's legs and he's managed to sneak out and take Schlong's back!

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Schlong's corner are yelling at him, telling him to just focus on controlling Banchamek's hands.

Schlong defends a rear naked choke attempt by controlling one of Banchamek's arms.

Schlong is having to fend off submission attempts from Banchamek, who is looking to sink in the choke. Banchamek doesn't have the hooks in though and Schlong manages to reverse position! He's now on top, in his opponent's guard.
Schlong stands and throws Banchamek's legs to the side, diving into side control.

Schlong is trying to get an arm triangle but Banchamek is defending well.
Banchamek is trying to get back to half guard.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Banchamek is persisting with the attempt to improve his position.
Banchamek is not content to let Schlong control the position.
Banchamek tries to improve position but can't.
Schlong is looking to take a break and control but Banchamek is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
Schlong tries to move into full mount but can't pass Banchamek's legs.
Schlong advances to full mount.
Long Schlong overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.

Schlong looks like he's working for a submission but he's not found anything just yet.
Schlong trying to control but he's not successful this time.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Long Schlong dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on Long Schlong's cut.
The referee calls time. The cornermen exit stage left and we're back to business. This is the final round!

Banchamek clinches up with Schlong and pushes him back against the ropes.
Schlong lands with a short head shot on the inside.
Banchamek misses with a knee strike.
Banchamek tries to land a knee to the head but Schlong blocks with his arms.
Banchamek working aggressively here.
Schlong makes some space for himself and lands an uppercut.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Schlong.
Banchamek misses the knee to the body. Nice hip positioning from Schlong.
Schlong gets through Banchamek's defenses to land a nice punch to the side of the head.
Schlong blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Banchamek with the Thai clinch. He's looking to land a big knee but he's not managed it this time.
Banchamek tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Schlong's elbow.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Schlong blocks an elbow strike from Banchamek.
Schlong lands with a light punch inside.
Buakaw Banchamek seems to be working more effectively in the clinch in the fight so far.

Schlong jumps guard.

Schlong escapes his hips to the side and looks to be working for an armbar. Banchamek gives him a little smile and shakes his head. No chance.
This has been an exciting period of action!

Banchamek drops back, looking for a kneebar! Schlong looks panicked! The fighters roll across the mat, one looking to finish, one looking to escape. Schlong looks to have wriggled free... Yes, he's got his leg free and he's dived into side control! Good work there from Schlong!

That's one minute gone in the round.
Banchamek is not content to let Schlong control the position.

Schlong is trying to get an arm triangle but Banchamek is defending well.
Banchamek sneaks back into half guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Schlong prevents Banchamek from improving his position.
Schlong trying to control the action but Banchamek is working from the bottom.

Schlong is trying to work for a kimura but Banchamek is defending well.
Banchamek tries to get to full guard but Schlong has control of the leg.

Banchamek is looking to sinch up a guillotine here but Schlong pulls his head out easily.
Banchamek is the more experienced fighter here and he's going to need to draw on some of that experience if he's going to pull this one out the bag.

Schlong wants to work for an arm triangle but Banchamek is really keeping half guard well and defending the submission attempt.
Banchamek is looking for a sweep. Schlong is wise to his cunning plan and keeps the top position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Banchamek is staying active underneath Schlong, who seems content to just control the action from this position.

Schlong is looking for an arm triangle, whilst trying to pass to side control. Banchamek doesn't seem that keen to cooperate though. No luck this time Schlong.

Schlong is working for submissions here but there's nothing on.
Buakaw Banchamek has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

Schlong is looking for a kimura. It's going to be difficult to finish that from half guard though and Banchamek defends it well.
Schlong perhaps working for something from half guard, or maybe not. It looks like he's just sitting there.
Banchamek missing with punches from the bottom.
Banchamek tries to strike from the bottom but it doesn't land.
Banchamek missing with punches from the bottom.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are starting to boo a lack of action.

Banchamek looking to work for a kimura from the bottom.
Schlong passes the half guard and he's now in mount! Big trouble for Banchamek!
Banchamek working to try and regain half guard.
Schlong raining down shots from the mount!

Schlong is thinking about an arm triangle here, looking to tighten it up before moving to side control. Banchamek can see it coming though and defends well with a couple of strikes to the head and some good arm positioning.
Banchamek tries to reverse the position but Schlong maintains control.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Schlong controlling from the full mount.
Schlong blocks Banchamek's feeble attempts to strike from the bottom.

And that's the end of the fight!
Long Schlong showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Schlong, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Gwen Towbar scores the fight for Long Schlong!
Judge Cecil Peabody scores the fight for Long Schlong!
Judge Frank Dennis scores the fight for Long Schlong!

Long Schlong wins by unanimous decision!
Long Schlong decided to go for the less than humble approach in his post fight interview, telling everyone how he is going to conquer the world. The crowd seemed to like it when really that sort of approach could have gone either way.