PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a bantamweight MMA rules bout between Long Schlong (ranked 2318 p4p, 24898 weight class) and Alicia Blitzkrieg (ranked 242 p4p, 0 weight class). Fingers crossed for an exciting fight - I'm sure both fighters are looking for a nice under the table bonus!

Schlong
vs
Blitzkrieg

178 cm
29
148
10 - 10 - 1

165 cm
19
143
5 - 10 - 2

Great wrestler
Excellent boxer
Insanely flexible

BJJ Blue Belt
Good kicks
Solid chin

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the bantamweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 10 - 10 - 1, fighting out of Las Vegas, Long Schlong!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 5 - 10 - 2, fighting out of Las Vegas, Alicia Blitzkrieg!
The judges for this bout are Alan Glass, Gwen Towbar and Robert Twigg.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!

Schlong closes the distance and clinches up, looking for a takedown. He shifts his weight and gets a nice trip into half guard.
Blitzkrieg tries to get to full guard but Schlong has control of the leg.

Schlong wants to work for an arm triangle but Blitzkrieg is really keeping half guard well and defending the submission attempt.
Blitzkrieg is trying to stand back up but Schlong is controlling him

Schlong is trying a forearm choke… I don't think that's going to do much at this level of the game.
Schlong passes to full mount!
Schlong tucks in and makes sure he doesn't lose the dominant position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Schlong seems to have a rather negative gameplan on the ground. He seems keen to just score the takedown and hold down Blitzkrieg for as long as he can get away with.
Schlong continues to stall.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
My god... these two guys really need to pick up the pace or everyone will leave to go get a beer.
Blitzkrieg really doesn't want to stay on the ground with Schlong. If he can't get it back to his feet, it's only a matter of time before he'll be tapping out.

Schlong is in full mount, looking to secure a guillotine but Blitzkrieg is surviving well by controlling Schlong's body position as best he can.
Schlong controlling from the full mount.

Schlong jumps to side control looking for an arm triangle but Blitzkrieg manages to avoid the submission attempt.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Schlong working hard here to secure a kimura but he's not really in the right position for it.
Blitzkrieg tries to get back to half guard but can't.
Schlong is pausing for a moment. What's he doing? It looks like he's clearing his nose. Oh dude! He's shot a load of snot all down Blitzkrieg's shoulder. That is not cool.

Schlong has hold of Blitzkrieg's arm. He's looking for a kimura. Blitzkrieg seems comfortable defending it but Schlong has shifted his position slighty and is cranking on the arm! Blitzkrieg is real pain and he's forced to tap out! Blitzkrieg is disgusted with himself for not defending it better but Schlong couldn't care less - he's delighted!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:56 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (Kimura). Long Schlong!
Long Schlong spent the whole post fight interview bigging himself up. It didn't go down that well with the fans after a while as they thought it was a bit arrogant.