PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a lightweight MMA rules bout between Guy River (ranked 385 p4p, 1377 weight class) and Kurt Cobain (ranked 52 p4p, 195 weight class). Chooooooooon! I think River might be my favorite fighter, now he's come out to Gabon National Anthem. Cobain is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by Smells Like Teen Spirit. Rumors backstage are that the fighters have been paid to keep it standing but we know that would never happen in MMA!

River
vs
Cobain

182 cm
26
156
9 - 4 - 0

178 cm
25
158
12 - 6 - 0

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Insanely flexible

Good wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank

Brooklyn Threads
Brooklyn Apothecary

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the lightweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 9 - 4 - 0, fighting out of New York, Guy River!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 12 - 6 - 0, fighting out of New York, Kurt Cobain!
The judges for this bout are Darius Henderson, Francis DeMontford and Donatello Bradman.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!

Cobain instigates a clinch.

River breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.
Cobain blocks a head kick by River.
Cobain has been spending a lot of time sparring his boxing in the run up to the fight, trying to sharpen up those hands and look for a knockout.
Crunch! River slams his shin into Cobain's torso.
Cobain throws a jab but it's blocked by River.
River has been working on his boxing with his coaches at Rivers Edge Gym in the buildup to the fight.
River loads up on a big right hand but Cobain slips the punch.
Cobain takes an uppercut right on the button but keeps his composure.
River connects with a leg kick. He turned his hip over nicely there.
River thows a left - swing and a miss!
Cobain throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
A nice leg kick lands there from River.
Cobain takes a swing at River's ribcage but misses.
River moves out of range of the strikes.
Cobain takes a shot to the nose. Hopefully that hasn't broken it.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Cobain throws out a loose jab but River uses good head movement to avoid it.
A telegraphed right hand from River misses the target.
River scoring well with a low kick there.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cobain throws a hook but River blocks it.
Cobain swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Cobain takes a jab right on the nose. That must have hurt but he shrugs his shoulders and looks to return the favor.
Cobain checks a low kick from River.
River ducks low and lands a nice hook to the body of his opponent.
River wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
River throws a head kick that misses
and Cobain makes him pay by landing a nice hook to the body before moving out of range.
Cobain throws a hook but River blocks it.
Guy River seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
River lands a nice hook to Cobain's body. Cobain takes it in his stride and looks to land his own strikes.
A bone on bone clash there as Cobain blocks the leg kick.
Cobain tries to check a leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
River throws a head kick that misses
and Cobain counters with a nice jab to the body that keeps River thinking.
River looking to land some kicks to the body here.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Cobain takes one to the side of the head.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
That kick from River tenderised Cobain's leg. Cobain is trying to keep his angry face on.
River walks forward and throws out a flicking leg kick. Cobain checks it nicely though, as he moves to the side.
An inside leg kick lands from River.
River cracks Cobain with a hook to the jaw. Both fighters smile at eachother and high-five before getting back down to business.
A low kick from River is predictable there
and Cobain counters with a left to the body.
River avoids the head kick by Cobain.
River throws a leg kick but Cobain sees it coming and checks it nicely.
River fakes a couple of low kicks, before throwing one on the third attempt. It connects and Cobain has to reset his feet before getting ready to engage.
River misses with a low kick.
Cobain fakes high and swings low for a body shot but River manages to avoid it.
Cobain checks a low kick. Bone on bone - not my idea of a good time.
Cobain throws a body punch but River moves out of range.
Cobain misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from River.
River throws a leg kick but Cobain moved away.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
River bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Cobain's head.
Cobain is throwing a lot of body shots here, looking to wear down River rather than just go for the knockout.
A lazy body kick from River
and Cobain cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
River loads up on a big right hand but Cobain slips the punch.
River chopping away at his opponent's legs.
River misses with a hook to the body
and Cobain connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Cobain throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Cobain connects nicely with a jab. Noted by the judges no doubt.
River connects with a hook to the side of his opponent's head.

Cobain tries to keep at a distance but River has taken the fight into the clinch.
Good body shot from River.
River prevents a body shot from Cobain.
River doesn't land with the attempted body shot.
River struggles to land a body shot inside as Cobain controls his hands.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
River blocks a punch to the side of the head.
River tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A short right from River on the inside.
A frustrated look appears on River's face as he tries to break the clinch.
River misses with a punch to the body.
Cobain can't find room to land a body shot as River controls the action.
River swings wildly with an uppercut but Cobain uses good head movement to avoid it.
River is stalling here.
River presses Cobain against the cage and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
Cobain blocking some punches.
Cobain can't find room to land a body shot as River controls the action.
Cobain working on landing some head shots here - that one got through nicely.
Cobain misses with a short punch on the inside.
Cobain's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.
Cobain misses with a shot to the kidneys.
A head punch on the inside from Cobain fails to land.
Cobain lands a body punch - he's looking to wear down River.
Cobain lands a hook that snaps the head of River backwards.
River working hard to break the clinch.
Cobain misses with the head strike.
Cobain misses with a hook from the clinch.
Cobain working aggressively here.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Guy River dominated that round.
The referee calls time. The cornermen exit stage left and we're back to business.

Cobain misses with a looping left.
Cobain lands a straight punch to the body, keeping River at a distance.
River uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Cobain.
Cobain moves out of range of the body kick from River.
River throws a leg kick
and Cobain counters with a lovely straight right hand!
Cobain swings and misses with a hook to the body.
River jabbing away but nothing is landing.
Cobain jabs River to the body, keeping him at a distance.
River misses with a hook.
River keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
River jabs Cobain to the body, keeping him at a distance.
River tries to score with an inside leg kick but telegraphs it and Cobain is able to avoid easily.
Cobain will need to close the distance a bit before he attacks - that leg kick was thrown from too far away.
River throws a leg kick that misses.

That's one minute gone in the round.
River throws a front kick that sends Cobain stumbling back into the cage.
Guy River is winning the standup battle so far.
River tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Cobain now looks to counter with a shot at the body.
Cobain misses with a straight left.
River connects with an inside leg kick.
River missing with a left hand there. Cobain was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
A bone on bone clash there as Cobain blocks the leg kick.
River displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as Cobain throws out the jab.
River ducks under a wild hook from Cobain.
River looks to land a combination but Cobain avoids it well.
A slapping leg kick lands for River.
Some bone on bone action there as Cobain checks a low kick. Luckily it wasn't a particularly hard one.
Jab, jab by Cobain - just one landing.

River has Cobain up against the cage in a clinch.
Cobain lands a short shot on the inside that snaps the head of River backwards.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Cobain lands a left hand that snaps the head of River backwards.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Cobain fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
River misses with a punch to the body.
Still in the clinch, Cobain scores with a nice short uppercut.
Good body shot from Cobain.
River misses with a shot to the kidneys.
River doesn't land with the attempted body shot.
A right hand to the body from River.
River misses with a short punch on the inside.
Cobain misses with a hook to the ribs.
Both fighters working to control the clinch.
River lands a hook to the side of the head.
Cobain tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.
Cobain lands a left hand that snaps the head of River backwards.

River breaks the clinch.
Cobain lands with a shot to the body.
Cobain blocks a head kick by River.
River misses with a looping left.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
River scores with a head kick. Cobain tried to block it but didn't get his arm up in time.

Cobain cracks River with a big right hand that sends him crashing to the floor. Cobain has the opportunity to follow him to the ground but instead he's beckoning River to stand back up!

River is rocked!
River misses with an uppercut
and Cobain counters with a right hand from hell and River is out cold! A vicious knockout!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:17 of round 2, we have a winner by way of KO (Punch). Kurt Cobain!
Kurt Cobain decided to thank the fans in attendance for making a great atmosphere. It seemed to go down pretty well.