PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a lightweight kickboxing rules bout between Abe Lincoln (ranked 4634 p4p, 5880 weight class) and Island Turd Two (ranked 520 p4p, 598 weight class). Abe Lincoln has the better chin. Will he look to stand and bang today?

Lincoln
vs
Turd Two

189 cm
25
165
0 - 0 - 0

182 cm
25
145
0 - 1 - 0

Excellent boxer
Good chin

Excellent MT
Very confident

Battle Hecs

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the lightweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Abe Lincoln!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 0 - 1 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Island Turd Two!
The judges for this bout are Dirk Anderson, Daniel Franklin and Winston Alpacca.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Good standup being displayed there by Lincoln as he connects with a hook.
Turd Two looks more muscular than last time we saw him. He must have been on the weights.
Turd Two throws a right and a left that both miss.
Turd Two throws the left hand but Lincoln avoids the punch easily.
Lincoln tries to score with an inside leg kick but telegraphs it and Turd Two is able to avoid easily.
Turd Two fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Lincoln manages to avoid it.
Turd Two scores with a body shot.
Lincoln catches Turd Two with a nice straight right. He seems pissed - ooooh, it's on now! On like donkey kong!
Lincoln misses with a head kick.
Lincoln uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Turd Two.
Turd Two scores with the left hand. Lincoln knows he should have avoided that one.
Lincoln ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
Turd Two with a body punch. A glancing blow.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Turd Two throws a hook but Lincoln blocks it.
Lincoln scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Turd Two doesn't seem bothered though.
Turd Two throws a shot to the body.
A slow jab from Turd Two misses its intended target.
Lincoln throws a head kick that misses.
Turd Two with a hook.
Turd Two lands with a nice body punch.
Lincoln throws a head kick that misses.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Lincoln keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Lincoln throws a nice looking combination but Turd Two bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Lincoln lands a jab, followed by a cross and another cross, as Turd Two backs up against the ropes.
Lincoln misses the shot to the body.
Turd Two misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Lincoln.
Lincoln really does look like a pencil wearing a pair of gloves. Let's hope he has a gameplan to suit that ridiculous body shape.
Turd Two throws a jab when Lincoln was well out of range.
Turd Two misses with a body shot.
Lincoln scores with a crisp jab that stopped Turd Two in his tracks.
Turd Two showing good head movement there, avoiding the strikes from Lincoln.
Turd Two connects with a lovely jab that went straight through the gap between Lincoln's hands.
Lincoln throws a series of punches but Turd Two moves out of range.
Lincoln tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Turd Two misses with the combination.
Lincoln swung with a counter right hand that didn't connect.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Lincoln tries to land a leg kick but Turd Two saw it coming and moves away.
Lincoln lands a jab. Then a cross. Then finally a nice hook to the body. Good work there by Lincoln.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Lincoln tries to score with an inside leg kick but telegraphs it and Turd Two is able to avoid easily.
Lincoln avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Turd Two just misses with a punch to the body.
A head kick misses from Lincoln.
Turd Two swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Lincoln stalks Turd Two and leaps in with a furious combination of punches. Uppercuts and crosses smash into Turd Two's face. Turd Two staggers backwards, shaken.
Turd Two swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Lincoln slips under a jab.
A looping hook to the body misses from Turd Two. Lincoln does a little dance to reset his feet.
Lincoln swings away but doesn't land with a series of punches.
Turd Two scores with a jab to the body.
Turd Two throws a jab but it's blocked by Lincoln.
Lincoln lets loose with a powerful body kick. Turd Two will feel that in the morning.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.

Turd Two instigates a clinch.
Lincoln can't break the clinch.
Turd Two stalling in the clinch but Lincoln improves position.
Lincoln landing some nice looking knees to the body.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close round but I would say that Abe Lincoln will probably get the nod.
That's the end of the interval. I'm sure that seemed a lot quicker than a minute for our two fighters! Back to the action.

Lincoln gets tackled into the ropes by Turd Two. Turd Two maintains the clinch.
Lincoln is trying to slow down the pace of the fight but Turd Two is keeping busy.

Lincoln breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Abe Lincoln is winning the standup battle so far.
A head kick misses from Lincoln.
Turd Two scores with a punch to the gut of his opponent.
A looping hook to the body misses from Turd Two. Lincoln does a little dance to reset his feet.
Lincoln seem to be loading up, looking for a big counter.
Turd Two tries to close the distance and clinch up but Lincoln swats him away and circles back towards the center.
Turd Two tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Lincoln was well out of range. Poor timing from Turd Two.
Turd Two misses with a wild body shot.
Lincoln on the wrong end of a nice jab.
Lincoln on the wrong end of a vicious looking body shot.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Lincoln works over Turd Two's head and body with a nice combination.
Lincoln tries to land a front kick but Turd Two steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.
Turd Two is throwing a lot of body shots here, looking to wear down Lincoln rather than just go for the knockout.
Turd Two swings for the body but Lincoln moves out of range.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Turd Two ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
Turd Two scores with a sloppy punch to the body. Not much technique there but it did the business.
Turd Two keeps his opponent at a distance with a nice jab.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Turd Two tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Lincoln misses with a looping left.
Lincoln misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Turd Two digs a good body shot into Lincoln's ribs.
Lincoln misses with a body kick.
Turd Two throws an off balance right hand
and Lincoln counters with a three punch combination, finished off with a leg kick. Nice work.
A combination from Turd Two does no damage.
Lincoln takes a big uppercut there. He seems a bit wobbly but no, he's OK.
Turd Two swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Turd Two misses with a wild body shot.
Turd Two slips a jab and a cross from Lincoln.
Turd Two with a jab.
Turd Two tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Lincoln takes a jab on the nose there. A little bit of blood seems to be coming out. Hopefully that won't affect his breathing.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Turd Two throws a left and a right that both miss
and Lincoln counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
Turd Two takes one to the chin there.
Turd Two ducks low and lands a nice hook to the body of his opponent.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Lincoln looks to throw the jab but Turd Two is out of range.
Island Turd Two seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Turd Two fakes and then throws a beautiful body shot. Lincoln looks a bit winded and takes a step backwards to take a breath.
Lincoln misses with a wild combination.
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.
Lincoln swings away but doesn't land with a series of punches.
Turd Two cracks Lincoln with a nice right hand that draws applause from the crowd.
Lincoln misses with the combination.
Turd Two throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Abe Lincoln is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
Lincoln looks for the body kick but Turd Two saw that one coming.
Lincoln keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Turd Two fails to land with a series of punches.
Lincoln throws a big counter combination but Turd Two scrambles out of danger and avoids any damage.
Lincoln takes a solid shot to the body. That one hurt him but he's trying not to show it.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Lincoln throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Turd Two misses with a body shot.
Lincoln on the wrong end of a nice jab.
Turd Two misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Lincoln.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Island Turd Two showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the ring so we can get back down to business. This is the final round!

Turd Two throws a hook but Lincoln avoids it easily.
Turd Two with a jab.
Turd Two connects with a body shot that sends Lincoln's belly button to the back.
Turd Two fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Lincoln manages to avoid it.
Lincoln slips a jab from Turd Two.
Turd Two misses the shot to the body.
Turd Two takes a swing at Lincoln's ribcage but misses.
Turd Two throws out a loose jab but Lincoln uses good head movement to avoid it.
Lincoln seem to be loading up, looking for a big counter.
Turd Two walks into a straight right hand from Lincoln.
Turd Two lands a slapping body shot.
Lincoln slips a jab from Turd Two.
Sloppy strikes from Lincoln. Those never looked like landing.
Turd Two looks to throw the jab but Lincoln is out of range.
Lincoln does a little shimmy and throws a leg kick. The leg kick missed by a considerable margin though, making him look a little bit silly for doing the shimmy.
A combination from Lincoln does no damage.
Turd Two throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Turd Two scores with a shot to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Turd Two tries to clinch but Lincoln moves out of range.
Turd Two takes a swing at Lincoln's ribcage but misses.
A swing and a miss from Turd Two.
Turd Two tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Turd Two dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Lincoln swings for the body but Turd Two moves out of range.
Lincoln is using his height advantage well here, landing a good percentage of his punches.
Lincoln comes forward and lands a shot to the body, then darts back out of range.
Turd Two has his head slapped from side to side by a 3 punch combination. That must have hurt him.
Turd Two misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Lincoln.
Turd Two throws a right and a left that Lincoln avoids nicely.
Lincoln is trying to close the distance and clinch up, after that failed offence from Turd Two.
Lincoln looks to land a combination but Turd Two avoids it well.
Turd Two lands with a good body shot.
Lincoln lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Lincoln lands a jab to Turd Two's midsection.
Both fighters are breathing heavily.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Turd Two throws a looping overhand right but Lincoln ducks down to avoid it.
Lincoln takes one to the side of the head.
Lincoln throws a push kick but Turd Two slaps the foot to one side.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Turd Two misses with a hook.
Lincoln scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.
Turd Two misses the shot to the body.
Lincoln tries a head kick but it misses.
Lincoln takes a body punch but keeps moving.
Turd Two paws at his opponent with the jab and then lunges in with a straight, right on the button.
A jab from Turd Two misses.
Lincoln is looking to counter with a shot to the body.
Lincoln rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Turd Two moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Lincoln rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Turd Two moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Turd Two misses with a hook. Lincoln ducked under it nicely.
Lincoln blocks a jab.
Turd Two swings for the body but Lincoln moves out of range.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Turd Two throws a nice hook to the body that draws an oooh from the crowd.
Lincoln pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Nice body punch from Turd Two.
Turd Two lands with a nice body punch.

And that's the end of the fight!
Island Turd Two comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
Well Turd Two has outworked and out performed his opponent in all aspects of the game today. He was simply too good and the decision should be no more than a formality. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Dirk Anderson scores the fight 28:29
Judge Daniel Franklin scores the fight 28:29
Judge Winston Alpacca scores the fight 28:29

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Island Turd Two!
Abe Lincoln spoke after the fight, saying 'Look, you know that bastard cheated, no way clean and without the refs help. Did you see him hanging on the ropes and hugging me? '.