PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Nou Hematopoye (ranked 1732 p4p, 2062 weight class) and Long Schlong (ranked 194 p4p, 222 weight class). There are an array of beautiful celebrities at ringside tonight! I wonder if any of them paid for their tickets.

Hematopoye
vs
Schlong

171 cm
29
149
14 - 10 - 0

178 cm
34
148
16 - 17 - 1

Powerful takedowns
Solid boxing
Insanely flexible

Olympic wrestler
World class boxer
Good gas tank

Urban Fighter
Paddy's Enhancing Drugs (160Q)

Bondi MMA 🏝️

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 14 - 10 - 0, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Nou Hematopoye!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 16 - 17 - 1, fighting out of Las Vegas, Long Schlong!
The judges for this bout are Hirohito Nitta, Yasuomi Hirokawa and Kenichi Hosakawa.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Hematopoye misses with a jab, cross combination.
It seemed like Schlong was going to counter with the hook but didn't fully commit to it.
Schlong tries to close the distance and clinch up against the cage but Hematopoye paws at him with a jab and circles away.
Hematopoye avoids the body shot from Schlong.
Schlong takes a swing at Hematopoye's ribcage but misses.
Hematopoye moves his head to the side to avoid a jab but walks straight into a cross.
Schlong moves out of range of the strikes.
Schlong displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as Hematopoye throws out the jab.
Schlong throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Hematopoye stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
We can't be sure of the tactics at this early stage but we have heard that Schlong has been working on his takedowns a lot in the buildup to the fight and we can only assume he's going to look to take this to the mat.
Hematopoye loads up on a big right hand but Schlong slips the punch.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Schlong connects nicely with a jab. Noted by the judges no doubt.
Long Schlong seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Schlong swings for the body but Hematopoye moves out of range.
Hematopoye misses with a looping left.
Hematopoye throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Schlong appeared to try and counter that last move with a leg kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Hematopoye misses with a looping right.
Schlong misses with a body shot.
No luck for Schlong with that takedown attempt.
Hematopoye throws a lazy right hand but Schlong sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Schlong lands a jab to Hematopoye's midsection.
Schlong is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.
Schlong tries to clinch up.
Schlong lands a pitter patter jab to the forehead of his opponent.
Hematopoye takes a shot right to the liver - Bas would have been proud of that punch.
Hematopoye misses with a looping left.
Hematopoye looks to score with a jab to the body but Schlong is just out of range.
Schlong is trying to avoid his opponent's strikes and get into the clinch.
Boom, another hit is landed. "You're gunna get knocked out" taunts Schlong, as that shot connected.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Schlong misses with a wild body shot.
Hematopoye just misses with a punch to the body.
Hematopoye fails to land with the punch combination there - jab, cross, hook, miss, miss, miss.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Schlong's corner calls for a 1-2. Schlong obliges with the 1 part as he scores the single shot and moves back out of range.
Hematopoye fakes a head punch and goes low to the body. Nicely done.
Schlong has used his reach advantage pretty well so far tonight.
Hematopoye scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Schlong doesn't seem bothered though.
Schlong throws a body shot but no joy.
Hematopoye misses with a hook
and Schlong counters with a good low kick that Hematopoye was not able to check.
A big right from Hematopoye misses.
Schlong punishes Hematopoye's body with a nice straight punch.
Hematopoye on the wrong end of a vicious looking body shot.
Hematopoye takes a punch right to his stomach. That took the wind out of him momentarily.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Schlong uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Hematopoye.
Schlong fails with a rather predictable takedown attempt.
Schlong tries for a takedown but Hematopoye circles away easily
and Hematopoye counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
Nou Hematopoye has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Long Schlong.
Schlong takes a swing at Hematopoye's ribcage but misses.
Schlong catches Hematopoye with a nice straight right. He seems pissed - ooooh, it's on now! On like donkey kong!
Hematopoye thuds a left hand into Schlong's body.
Hematopoye misses with a looping left.
Schlong takes a step towards his opponent and connects with a left hand, before circling away.
Nice defenses there by Schlong.
Schlong misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Hematopoye.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A looping hook to the body misses from Hematopoye. Schlong does a little dance to reset his feet.
Hematopoye keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Hematopoye slips a jab from Schlong.
Schlong throws a jab when Hematopoye was well out of range.
Hematopoye ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Schlong moves away.
Hematopoye misses with a hook
letting Schlong counter with a right hand.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Schlong lands with a good body shot.
Schlong throws a predictable looking body shot
and Hematopoye counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
Hematopoye ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Schlong moves away.
Hematopoye misses with a hook. Schlong ducked under it nicely.
Schlong ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Hematopoye moves away.
Hematopoye uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Schlong.
It looked like Hematopoye was trying to counter with a body shot coming off that last attack from Schlong.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Long Schlong dominated that round.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

Schlong misses with a looping right.
Hematopoye swung with a counter right hand that didn't connect.
Schlong has been the more effective fighter overall so far.
Hematopoye misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Schlong.
Hematopoye uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Schlong.
A swing and a miss from Hematopoye.
Schlong throws an overhand right that lands on Hematopoye's shoulder, as Hematopoye tries to avoid the shot.
An attempted straight right counter from Hematopoye misses the target.
Schlong lands the left hand.
Schlong misses with a low kick.
Hematopoye just misses with a punch to the body.
Schlong lets it all go there with a big combo counter but none of the punches connected.
Nice straight punches there by Schlong. You know Roy Jones Jr respects the hands of Schlong.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Hematopoye moves out of range of the strikes.
Donk. Schlong catches Hematopoye right on the button with a cross.
Schlong fails with a takedown attempt.
Hematopoye throwing a counter right hand but Schlong manages to avoid it.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Hematopoye misses the jab.
Hematopoye slips in close and lands a nice hook before moving back out of range.
Schlong lunges in with swinging rights and lefts but Hematopoye circles away quickly and effectively.
Hematopoye throws a body punch but Schlong moves out of range.
Hematopoye showing good head movement there, avoiding the strikes from Schlong.
Hematopoye blocks a low kick nicely.
Schlong scores with a jab to the head.
Long Schlong seems to be getting the better of the standup.

Schlong closes the distance and scores a nice trip takedown into half guard. Hematopoye did well to prevent Schlong getting side control.
Schlong seems very keen to just sit and control from half guard but Hematopoye does not like that idea so much and is remaining active off his back.
Hematopoye has no desire to be mounted, so is trying to control. Schlong is working away from the top position though.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Hematopoye tries to get to full guard but Schlong has control of the leg.

Schlong seems to be looking for submissions.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.

Schlong is looking for a kimura but he's never going to get it from there.
Schlong seems very keen to just sit and control from half guard but Hematopoye does not like that idea so much and is remaining active off his back.

Hematopoye actively working from the bottom here.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Schlong trying to pass the guard but Hematopoye defending well.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Hematopoye works his way to full guard. Good work.
Hematopoye can't do much from the bottom at the moment, as Schlong controls the pace.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.

Hematopoye throwing his legs up looking for a triangle.
Schlong engaging in some classic timewasting tactics.
Schlong wants to control from the top but Hematopoye keeps moving.
Schlong might have to switch it up a bit here because his efforts to control Hematopoye haven't been going to plan, at least at the current moment in time.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are hurling abuse towards the fighters... You can hardly blame them though because there isn't a lot going on in the fight.
Schlong stays in close to Hematopoye's body and controls the position.

The referee has stepped in and called for a break in the action. We'll restart on the feet.
Schlong on the wrong end of a nice jab.
Hematopoye throws a right hand that misses
and Schlong cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
Schlong ducks under a wild hook from Hematopoye.
Schlong now looks to counter with a shot at the body.
Schlong bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
Hematopoye sets himself, and Schlong steps forward looking for the clinch! Hematopoye avoids it this time.
Schlong lands with a right hand.
Schlong is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Hematopoye.
A little feinted left hand from Hematopoye on the counter but he doesn't commit to it.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Hematopoye misses with a straight left.
Hematopoye takes a body punch but keeps moving.
Hematopoye swings for the body but Schlong moves out of range.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Long Schlong showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
That's time! Hematopoye's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight. Let's get this one finished - here comes the final round!

Hematopoye moves forwards but Schlong connects with a nice, crisp jab.
Hematopoye looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Schlong throws a sloppy body shot
and Hematopoye counters with a straight punch to the midsection.
Schlong moves out of range as Hematopoye strikes.
Hematopoye takes an uppercut right on the button but keeps his composure.
Schlong moves out of range as Hematopoye strikes.
Schlong connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
Schlong swings for the body but Hematopoye moves out of range.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Hematopoye tries to move into range but Schlong moves to the side and lands with a nice right hand.
Schlong on the wrong end of a decent looking cross there.
Schlong connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Schlong cracks Hematopoye with a good jab.

Hematopoye is rocked!

That's one minute gone in the round.
Schlong fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Hematopoye manages to avoid it.
Oh Hematopoye is still all over the place! His legs are completely gone! Will he be able to recover?!!
A punch combination from Schlong misses.
Schlong looks to land a left hand but Hematopoye moved out of range nicely.
Hematopoye went nuts there looking for a big combo counter but none of the flurry connected.
Hematopoye seems to have got his legs back now.
Hematopoye checks a leg kick.
A jab from Schlong misses.
The fight stays on the outside here - Schlong looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
Hematopoye comes forward and lands a shot to the body, then darts back out of range.
Schlong swings widly with a right hand
and Hematopoye counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
A jab from Schlong misses.
Schlong takes a solid shot to the body. That one hurt him but he's trying not to show it.
Nou Hematopoye has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Long Schlong is fighting for a decision - hopefully he's judged it right and he's actually winning the fight.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Schlong misses with a straight left.
Schlong fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Hematopoye manages to avoid it.
Schlong connects with a lovely jab that went straight through the gap between Hematopoye's hands.
Hematopoye looks like he's developed a pretty tasty lump over his left eye. He'll need to avoid taking much more damage to that.
Schlong throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Hematopoye is really struggling to find his range with his punches. Schlong's reach advantage is clearly causing him problems.
Schlong throws a hook but Hematopoye blocks it.
Hematopoye circles away from the clinch attempt.
Hematopoye misses with a straight left.
Schlong tries to grapple but his opponent circles
and Hematopoye counters with a straight right hand.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Hematopoye swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Schlong connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Hematopoye swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Schlong waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract Hematopoye.
Hematopoye was looking to counter that last move with a shot to the body but he didn't commit.
Hematopoye on the wrong end of a decent looking cross there.
Schlong stalks Hematopoye and leaps in with a furious combination of punches. Uppercuts and crosses smash into Hematopoye's face. Hematopoye staggers backwards, shaken.
Hematopoye throws a jab but it's blocked by Schlong.
Schlong takes a punch right to his stomach. That took the wind out of him momentarily.
Schlong is looking to chop away at Hematopoye's legs.
Schlong gets his head snapped back by a nice shot there.
Schlong lunges in with an uppercut that skims his opponent's chin.
Schlong scores with a punch to the gut of his opponent.
A solid leg kick lands there for Schlong.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Schlong moves away from the strike by Hematopoye.
Schlong throws out a counter right but Hematopoye avoids it with no problem.
Hematopoye takes a body punch but keeps moving.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Hematopoye misses with a looping left.
Schlong throws a lazy right hand but Hematopoye sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Hematopoye misses the jab.
Schlong scores with a crisp jab that stopped Hematopoye in his tracks.
A big left from Hematopoye misses.
A jab lands there for Schlong.
Schlong fakes and then throws a beautiful body shot. Hematopoye looks a bit winded and takes a step backwards to take a breath.
Hematopoye avoids the body shot from Schlong.
It looked like Hematopoye was trying to counter with a body shot coming off that last attack from Schlong.
Hematopoye throws a shot from downtown. Schlong moves away and avoids it.
Schlong connects with a lovely right hand, straight down the pipe.

And that's the end of the fight!
Long Schlong comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
Well Schlong has outworked and out performed his opponent in all aspects of the game today. He was simply too good and the decision should be no more than a formality. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Hirohito Nitta scores the fight 27:30
Judge Yasuomi Hirokawa scores the fight 27:30
Judge Kenichi Hosakawa scores the fight 27:30

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Long Schlong!
An out of breath Long Schlong thanked his loyal fans in his post fight interview, giving them credit for his success over the course of his career.