PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between War Turtle (ranked 4715 p4p, 4393 weight class) and Dirk Werner (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Turtle's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, Pumping And Humping. We have two fighters making their debuts here, so let's see who comes out of this one with their first professional victory.

Turtle
vs
Werner

196 cm
18
278
0 - 0 - 0

213 cm
25
240
0 - 0 - 0

BJJ White Belt
Excellent MT
Cuts easily

BJJ White Belt
Excellent MT
Prefers standup

Barry Bonds Performance Enhancers -160Q

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Tokyo, War Turtle!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Dirk Werner!
The judges for this bout are Yukihiro Yamamoto, Yuuki Gou and Yukihiro Shimada.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Turtle checks the leg kick.
Werner throws the kick towards the body but Turtle avoids it.
Turtle moves out of range of the strikes.
Werner pivots, looking for a leg kick but Turtle is out of range and Werner settles back down.
Turtle throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Werner uses decent footwork to sidestep a right hand from Turtle.
A head kick misses from Werner.
Turtle tries to work over Werner's front leg with a kick but Werner checks it.
Werner ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Turtle moves away.
Turtle throws a leg kick which misses Werner's front leg but catches the back leg as Werner tries to avoid it.
Werner looking to throw a kick but he's pulled out of it.
Werner motions for Turtle to come forward. Werner throws a leg kick but it misses it's target.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Turtle lands a leg kick that knocks Werner off balance momentarily.
Turtle throws a nice inside leg kick.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from Werner lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Turtle has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Turtle and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.
Werner throws a jab when Turtle was well out of range.
Turtle misses with a low kick.
Turtle tries to land a body kick
and Werner makes him pay by landing a thudding low kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Werner misses with a body kick.
Werner is looking to land body kicks.
Werner takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
Turtle misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Werner.
Turtle throws a body kick that misses.
Werner throws a predictable looking body shot
and he gets countered with a snapping leg kick.
Werner takes a thudding leg kick, right into the meat of the thigh.
Turtle moves out of range as Werner strikes.
Turtle throws a quick inside leg kick.
Turtle wants to slow Werner down by chopping away at his legs.
A solid body kick from Turtle.
Werner looks winded!
Turtle feints and then cracks Werner's leading leg with a nice low kick. He's obviously looking to slow Werner down.
Werner's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.
Turtle wants to land a leg kick but Werner is out of range.
Turtle pushes Werner away with a front kick.
Turtle scoring well with a low kick there.
Werner is a painfully thin specimen of a man. You do wonder whether a good body kick would snap him clean in two.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Turtle bobs and weaves and unloads with a good uppercut.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Turtle lands with a right and another and another! Werner is in big trouble! Turtle lands again and this time it's lights out for Werner! A quality knockout there for Turtle.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:08 of round 1, we have a winner by way of KO (Strikes). War Turtle!
War Turtle managed to slip a mention for his sponsors, Barry Bonds Performance Enhancers -160Q, into his post fight interview.