PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Billy Turd (ranked 3279 p4p, 4167 weight class) and Jonny Gomes (ranked 365 p4p, 0 weight class). Turd comes to the cage accompanied by Laugh Now Cry Later. Jonny Gomes has the eye of the tiger tonight.

Turd
vs
Gomes

190 cm
25
205
2 - 0 - 0

180 cm
18
205
0 - 0 - 0

Good takedowns
Counter fighter
Cuts easily

Good takedowns
Brawler
Granite chin

FREECH! (free speech clothing inc with REFUNDS!

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 2 - 0 - 0, fighting out of London, Billy Turd!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Jonny Gomes!
The judges for this bout are Daniel Bishop, Colin Fotheringham and Chris Edwards.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Gomes ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Turd moves away.
As Gomes backs away, Turd returns fire with a leg kick that just misses.

Turd scores with a nice takedown into half guard. Let's see what he's got on the ground.
Turd working some ground and pound from close in. He's looking to maintain this position and strike for a while by the looks of things... although he'll probably advance to full mount in a minute now I've said that.

It looks like Jonny Gomes has been cut.
Turd is figuring out what he wants to do next.

Turd is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Gomes sees it coming and defends easily.
Well, if Turd is going to just lie there, perhaps we should talk about what we're having for dinner tonight… I'm having a ham and pineapple pizza… Yum. Can't wait.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Turd's ground tactics aren't going to win him many fans. Let's hope he's got fireworks for us if he gets back to his feet because he's not doing much on the ground.
Nice strikes from Turd there.
Gomes should think about turning a few of those tyres round his middle into muscle if he wants people to take him seriously as an athlete.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Turd wants to pass the guard but Gomes is defending well.
Turd with a momentary lay and pray from half guard.
Gomes wants to improve his position but Turd is controlling well.
Turd wants to free his trapped foot but Gomes is holding on for dear life with his legs.
Turd passes to side control.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Well. There's a bit of a lull in the action here and the crowd are starting to get restless.
Turd wants to stand but Gomes is controlling his arm.
Turd advances to full mount.
Turd content just to control the position here.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Turd fakes a shot to the body and cracks his opponent in the head. Nice ground and pound there!
Turd is trying to stand up but he's being controlled by his opponent.
Turd takes a little breather and maintains the position. The referee will be looking for him to stay active from such a dominant position though.
A nice elbow there by Turd.

The cut above Jonny Gomes's eye is starting to cause him problems now.
Turd controlling the pace for now.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Turd get's back to his feet.

Turd looking to shoot here. He's gone for it and he's landed a takedown into side control! Oh, that's bad for Gomes!
Turd working the ground and pound.
The referee tells the fighters to keep busy.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Gomes is looking for a sweep.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Billy Turd dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Jonny Gomes's cut.
That's time! Back to the action!

Gomes throws a lazy uppercut

and Turd counters with a takedown into side control.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Turd is pausing for a moment. What's he doing? It looks like he's clearing his nose. Oh dude! He's shot a load of snot all down Gomes's shoulder. That is not cool.
Turd has controlled the position for a good 20 seconds, which will no doubt be starting to frustrate his opponent.
Gomes is looking for a sweep.
Turd tries to advance to mount but can't.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Turd is maintaining the dominant position - no doubt Gomes will start to get frustrated soon if he's not already.
Turd wants to stand but Gomes is controlling his arm.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Gomes is not in a great position here, taking some shots.
Turd in side control lands a nice looking series of punches and elbows.

Turd is trying to get an arm triangle but Gomes is defending well.
A lull in the action here as Turd stalls from top position.
Turd moves into full mount!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Gomes tries to reverse the position but Turd maintains control.
Turd tucks in and makes sure he doesn't lose the dominant position.
Turd avoids the attempt from Gomes to control.
Gomes really trying hard to get back to half guard here.
Gomes tries to lock up and control but Turd gives him a forearm to the face and pushes him away.

Turd goes for an armbar but he's fallen flat on his backside there and now Gomes is on top in guard.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Gomes trying to control the position from guard on top but Turd is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
There's a bit of a scramble here and now Turd is on top in guard.

Turd sitting in guard here, content to control.
Turd has decided he wants to stand but the closed guard of Gomes is proving hard to escape from.
Turd controlling from the guard. I say controlling but really, he's stalling.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.
Turd throwing strikes from guard but Gomes blocks nicely.

Gomes escapes his hips to the side and looks to be working for an armbar. Turd gives him a little smile and shakes his head. No chance.
Turd controls the pace of the fight for a moment.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Turd slips effortlessly into side control - very nice.

Turd looking for an arm triangle but it's way too loose to do anything.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Billy Turd dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on Jonny Gomes's cut.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action! This is the final round!

Gomes misses with a left hand

and Turd counters with a takedown into side control! That could mean trouble for Gomes!

Turd stands up.

Turd shoots in and bounces Gomes off the cage to secure the takedown into guard.
Turd wants to stand but Gomes has a closed guard, so he can't escape.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Turd's corner is telling him to maintain position.
Turd wanted to stand there but Gomes had control of the position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Turd controlling from the guard. I say controlling but really, he's stalling.
Gomes is working an open guard here, looking to improve his position. No doubt that will leave him open to counters but at least he's being more offensive.
Turd trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Turd passes into half guard.
Gomes tries to get to full guard but Turd has control of the leg.
Jonny Gomes has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Well. There's a bit of a lull in the action here and the crowd are starting to get restless.
Turd passes to full mount!
Gomes can't escape the position.
Turd is trying to stand up but he's being controlled by his opponent.
Gomes tries to hold on but Turd postures up.

Gomes defends a decent attempt at a guillotine from Turd.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Turd lands a nice shot to the head.

The referee calls the doctor in to look at Jonny Gomes's cut. Oh no, the doctor has called an end to the bout!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:32 of round 3, we have a winner by way of TKO (Cut). Billy Turd!
Billy Turd took his opportunity to call for a title shot in his post fight interview.