PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Eric Cartman (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Ninja Kid (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Cartman's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, Unclefucker. Kid is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by Stratovarius - Hunting High and Low. This should be fireworks!

Cartman
vs
Kid

184 cm
20
179 lbs
4 - 1 - 0

158 cm
25
183 lbs
6 - 2 - 0

BJJ Purple Belt
Good knees
KO power

Powerful takedowns
Decent boxing
Powerful

Katukauppa.com

Divine - Drugs (158 products)

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 4 - 1 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Eric Cartman!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 6 - 2 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Ninja Kid!
The judges for this bout are Dmitry Maklakov, Valeri Chadov and Aleksei Zolotukhin.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Kid throws a looping left and ducks down for a takedown. He's got his arms around Cartman's waist but Cartman gets an underhook and avoids the takedown by throwing Kid off to one side.
Cartman throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
No luck with that takedown attempt from Kid.

Kid rushes Cartman and presses him up against the cage.
Nice body punch from Cartman.
Kid tries to score a body lock takedown but Cartman shows good agility there to stay on his feet.
Eric Cartman has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Ninja Kid.
Kid takes a knee right on the jaw!

It looks like Ninja Kid has been cut.

Kid has managed to pull guard. Let's see whether he can work an aggressive guard. It will also be interesting to see what tactics Cartman uses from the top position.
Cartman showing good wrestling skills to control the position.
Cartman will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
Cartman trying to control the position from guard on top but Kid is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Cartman sitting in guard here, content to control.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Kid trying to keep a closed guard but Cartman is proving a slippery customer.
Cartman tries to stand but Kid is controlling from the bottom.
Kid is trying to control the position from the bottom.
Cartman controlling from the guard. I say controlling but really, he's stalling.

Kid escapes his hips to the side and looks to be working for an armbar. Cartman gives him a little smile and shakes his head. No chance.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
There's not a lot going on here and the crowd are letting the fighters know they're not willing to tolerate a lack of action.
Cartman tries to free his leg and advance position but Kid is retaining full guard.
Kid is working from a closed guard but he's struggling to control his opponent.
Cartman pushing down on Kid's thigh, trying to pass to half guard. He's managed it... Nice work.
Kid is looking to improve his position.
Kid is refusing to be controlled, as Cartman sits in half guard.
Kid is looking to improve his position.
Neither fighter is being very active at the moment, with Cartman in particular looking to stall.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman wants to control but Kid is keeping him busy.
Kid wants to control but Cartman is keeping busy and won't allow it.
Cartman wants to lay and pray for a moment but Kid keeps working.

It looks like we're going to have a standup here. Neither fighter is doing enough on the ground.
Cartman tries to clinch but Kid is having none of it.
Cartman misses with a head kick.
Kid fails with an attempt to clinch.
Cartman swings wildly with a hook that is half blocked by Kid.
Nice defenses there by Kid.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A lull in the action here being met with boos from the crowd.
Cartman thows a left - swing and a miss!
Kid clinches but Cartman breaks the clinch
and Cartman counters with a nice uppercut.
Kid chopped to the floor by a nice leg kick but he springs right back up before Cartman can pounce on him.
Kid tries to clinch but Cartman is having none of it.
Ninja Kid seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Kid looks to clinch
and Cartman counters with a straight punch to the midsection.
Eric Cartman is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from Cartman lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Kid has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Kid and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.

Kid closes the distance and pushes Cartman back into the cage.

Kid lands a nice trip takedown into half guard.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Kid not landing any meaningful shots this time.
Cartman on his back here. We all know that wrestlers don't like being on their back so let's see if Cartman tries to get out of the position.
Cartman gets full guard.
Cartman is working from a closed guard but he's struggling to control his opponent.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Eric Cartman dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Ninja Kid's cut.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

Cartman's corner calls for a 1-2. Cartman obliges with the 1 part as he scores the single shot and moves back out of range.
Nice body punch from Cartman.
Kid has his takedown stuffed
and Cartman cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
Cartman throws a head kick that misses.
Kid keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Cartman circles away from the clinch attempt
and Cartman counters with a left to the body.

Kid gets a clinch.
Kid goes for a takedown attempt but Cartman pushes him away and we're back to fighting at a distance.
Cartman is using his height advantage well here, landing a good percentage of his punches.
The sound of bone on bone echoes around the arena as Kid checks a leg kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman misses the shot to the body.
Kid takes a head kick and keeps coming.
Kid moves in looking to clinch but Cartman pushes him off.
Kid tries to clinch up
and Cartman counters with a straight right hand.
Kid darts in trying to clinch
and Cartman counters with a nice uppercut.
The fighters circling - Cartman throws out the jab but it was never going to land.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Kid shoots in for a takedown from distance. He catches Cartman napping and manages to drive through into side control!
Kid working away.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Cartman manages to work his way to half guard, despite Kid's best efforts.
Kid prevents Cartman from improving his position.
Kid missing with the ground and pound from half guard.
Kid is looking to take a break and control but Cartman is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
Cartman is holding on to half guard well.
Kid throwing shots but Cartman is blocking nicely.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman is holding on to half guard well.

Kid seems to be looking for submissions.
Kid is breathing heavily.

The referee has ruled that neither fighter is active enough on the ground and has stood them back up.
Cartman lands with a two punch combination before moving back out of range.

Kid drives through with a takedown into guard.
Kid preventing the sweep.
Cartman is adopting a defensive guard.
Kid postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Kid looking to sit in guard and control but Cartman gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.
Kid is working the butterfly guard. He manages to land a nice scissor sweep and is now in half guard on the top. Nice move.
Kid working some ground and pound from close in. He's looking to maintain this position and strike for a while by the looks of things... although he'll probably advance to full mount in a minute now I've said that.
Cartman won't allow Kid to pass to mount.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Kid not landing any meaningful shots this time.
Cartman trying to control from the bottom.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Eric Cartman dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on Ninja Kid's cut.
The referee calls time. The cornermen exit stage left and we're back to business. This is the final round!

Cartman slips under a jab.
Cartman tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Kid takes an uppercut right on the button but keeps his composure.
Kid shoots in but doesn't get the takedown
letting Cartman counter with a right hand.
Cartman wants to clinch.
Kid scores with a jab to the body.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Kid with a poor takedown
and Cartman counters with a nice uppercut.

Kid shoots in for a takedown and gets it. Let's see what he's got on the mat.
Kid missing there with some ground and pound from the guard.
Kid takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman is controlling Kid's posture.
Cartman's ground tactics aren't going to win him many fans. Let's hope he's got fireworks for us if he gets back to his feet because he's not doing much on the ground.
Kid stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Cartman swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Kid wants to control from the top but Cartman keeps moving.
Cartman is pulling down on Kid's head to control his posture.
Kid tries to free his leg and advance position but Cartman is retaining full guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are hurling abuse towards the fighters... You can hardly blame them though because there isn't a lot going on in the fight.
There's a bit of a scramble here and now Cartman is on top in guard.
Cartman wants to control from the top but Kid keeps moving.
Cartman trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Kid looking to sweep here. No luck so far.
Cartman prevents Kid from getting back to his feet.
Kid keeping moving, preventing Cartman from controlling successfully.

Kid working from the bottom, still in full guard. He's managed to get a loose triangle. Cartman doesn't seem to be doing much to defend here, obviously he feels comfortable in the position. Cartman manages to throw the legs off his shoulder and he's back into guard - no problem.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Kid throws his legs up looking to secure a triangle. Oh, that looks pretty tight, I gotta say! Cartman escapes and throws Kid's legs to the side, diving into side control!
Cartman working the head with strikes.
Cartman controls the position from side control.
Ninja Kid has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Cartman trying to control the position but Kid is working away.
Kid is looking to slip a leg under and get half guard but Cartman is one step ahead and moves to full mount!

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are showing their displeasure at the lack of action as loud boos ring out around the arena.
Cartman prevents Kid from getting the reversal.
Eric Cartman is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Kid throwing hammer fists to the chest of Cartman. What's that going to do exactly?
Kid really trying hard to get back to half guard here.
Cartman punishing his opponent with strikes.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Kid is looking to get to half guard.
Cartman controlling the pace for now.

And that's the end of the fight!
Eric Cartman showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Cartman, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Dmitry Maklakov scores the fight 30:27
Judge Valeri Chadov scores the fight 30:27
Judge Aleksei Zolotukhin scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Eric Cartman!