PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Lucien Smalls (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Farty McFart Pants (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Smalls comes to the cage accompanied by Kelis - Milkshake. McFart Pants is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by Kickstart My Heart- Motley Crue. Farty McFart Pants is staring across the cage at his opponent, tweaking his nipples.

Smalls
vs
McFart Pants

184 cm
25
221 lbs
5 - 3 - 0

195 cm
23
205 lbs
8 - 6 - 0

BJJ Blue Belt
Good knees
Experienced

BJJ Purple Belt
Decent boxing
Knockout power

Behold The Beast
Murder Inc.

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the light heavyweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 5 - 3 - 0, fighting out of New York, Lucien Smalls!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 8 - 6 - 0, fighting out of New York, Farty McFart Pants!
The judges for this bout are Columbo Gatti, Chad Campbell and Bruno Lombardi.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Smalls tries to clinch up but McFart Pants circles away and keeps his distance.
Smalls misses with the combination.
Smalls pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
Smalls tries to check the leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
McFart Pants throws a half hearted mid kick.
McFart Pants walks straight into a jab right on the nose. That one stung - he's blinking and trying to clear his head.

It looks like Farty McFart Pants has been cut.
McFart Pants darts in and out, connecting with a jab.
A looping hook to the body misses from Smalls. McFart Pants does a little dance to reset his feet.
McFart Pants lunges in with swinging rights and lefts but Smalls circles away quickly and effectively.
Smalls wants to clinch up but McFart Pants keeps it at a distance.
McFart Pants fails to land with the punch combination there - jab, cross, hook, miss, miss, miss.
Smalls fails to land with a series of punches.
Smalls tries to bum rush McFart Pants with a series of wild strikes but McFart Pants uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Smalls throws a lazy body kick
and McFart Pants counters with a left and a right that stings Smalls.
Smalls tries to grapple but his opponent circles
and McFart Pants counters with a straight right hand.
Smalls misses with an uppercut.
McFart Pants throws a body kick that misses.
Smalls has his hands up protecting his head but a hook from McFart Pants finds it's way round the side to connect with Smalls's head.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Smalls throws the left hand but McFart Pants avoids the punch easily.
Smalls jabs at McFart Pants's body.
Smalls on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by McFart Pants. McFart Pants obviously looking to wear him down.
McFart Pants lands a head kick. Smalls smiles back at him and beckons him forward.
Smalls tries to clinch up
and McFart Pants counters with a nice leg kick.
Lucien Smalls is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.

McFart Pants looking to shoot here. He's gone for it and he's landed a takedown into mount! Oh, that's bad for Smalls!
Smalls tries to improve his position but instead McFart Pants has taken his back!
Smalls rolls and manages to get back to half guard. Nicely done.
McFart Pants trying to pass the guard but Smalls defending well.
McFart Pants is trying to control the action in half guard but Smalls is working away on the bottom, looking perhaps to get back to full guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Smalls works his way to full guard. Good work.
Smalls working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from McFart Pants.
McFart Pants works a leg free and moves into half guard.
Smalls wants to get back to full guard.
Smalls throws a strike from the bottom that misses.
Smalls trying to control here.
McFart Pants trying to control the action but Smalls is working from the bottom.
Smalls trying to hold on to McFart Pants's head to control him but McFart Pants postures up.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Smalls is going to have to think about doing something other than just controlling because McFart Pants is managing to avoid having the position dictated to him.

Neither fighter is doing enough for the referee's liking and he's decided to stand them back up.
McFart Pants shoots in looking for a takedown. Smalls tries to sprawl out of it but McFart Pants keeps driving through. The fighters are pinned against the cage. Smalls manages to get underhooks and after a bit of a struggle, circles away and we're back to standing.

McFart Pants scores with a takedown into Smalls's guard.
McFart Pants trying to control the position from guard on top but Smalls is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
McFart Pants stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Smalls swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Smalls controls McFart Pants momentarily but McFart Pants frees himself.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
McFart Pants wants to control from the top but Smalls keeps moving.

McFart Pants avoids a guillotine attempt easily.
McFart Pants advances to half guard.

McFart Pants maintaining the dominant position here and is working for a kimura. He's locked it up! Smalls could be in real trouble here! He's trying to wriggle out but McFart Pants has cracked it and Smalls is screaming in pain - he's tapped out! Great finish by McFart Pants!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:59 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (Kimura). Farty McFart Pants!
Farty McFart Pants is the new light heavyweight champion!