PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Eric Cartman (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Frekkas Poop (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Cartman kept the crowd waiting but all that was forgotten when his ring entrance music started. The incomparable musical genius that is Unclefucker. These two fighters really are very evenly matched on the feet - it will be fascinating to see who can assert themselves in that aspect of the fight.

Cartman
vs
Poop

184 cm
22
179 lbs
9 - 2 - 0

165 cm
26
168 lbs
13 - 2 - 0

Good wrestling
Lethal high kicks
KO power

Good wrestler
Excellent boxer
Heavy handed

Katukauppa.com

.: AFFAKETION :.
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Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the welterweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 9 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Eric Cartman!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 13 - 2 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Frekkas Poop!
The judges for this bout are Valeri Chadov, Viktor Lagutenko and Sergei Dronov.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Nice straight punches there by Cartman. You know Roy Jones Jr respects the hands of Cartman.
Poop moves away from the strike by Cartman.
Nice defenses there by Cartman.
No joy there for Poop, who threw a few shots but didn't land.
Ooooh, nice body kick lands from Cartman. Poop shrugs it off though.
Poop cracks Cartman with a good shot that sees him stumbling back into the cage.
Poop avoids the clinch attempt nicely.
Poop throws a shot to the body.
Cartman swings for the body but Poop moves out of range.
Cartman uses decent footwork to sidestep a right hand from Poop.
A punch lands to the side of Cartman 's head but he takes it in his stride.
Some wild striking there from Poop.
Cartman fails with an attempt to clinch.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman walks into a stiff left hand from Poop.
Cartman takes a shot right to the bread basket.
Poop looks to throw the jab but Cartman is out of range.
Cartman scores with a nice right hand.
Poop misses with a wild combination.
Poop misses with a few strikes there.
Cartman finds nothing but air with that leg kick attempt.
Cartman throws a leg kick but Poop checks it.
Cartman misses with a body kick.
Cartman misses the body punch
and Poop counters with a left to the body.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Cartman misses with a body shot
letting Poop counter with a right hand.
Cartman avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Poop will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.
Cartman swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Poop counters with a nice leg kick.
Poop misses with a straight left.
Cartman throws a leg kick that is checked
and Poop counters with a nice jab to the body that keeps Cartman thinking.
An inside leg kick from Cartman misses.
A good leg kick by Cartman.
Poop throws a hook to the side of Cartman's head but Cartman sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Cartman avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Cartman swings for the body but Poop moves out of range.
Cartman uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Poop.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman looks to score with a jab to the body but Poop is just out of range.
The fighters circling - Poop throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Poop on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by Cartman. Cartman obviously looking to wear him down.
Cartman lands with a nice body kick.
Poop takes a kick to the side of the head.
The crowd cheers as Poop lands an impressive looking overhand right. Cartman doesn't seem phased though.
Cartman throws a leg kick
and Poop connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Poop connects with a single shot there.
Cartman thows a leg kick but Poop checks it
and Poop cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
A solid leg kick lands there for Cartman.
Cartman finds nothing but air with that leg kick attempt.
Poop is landing a lot of head punches in this opening round! Cartman had better start moving his head a bit unless he wants his face to turn into pâté.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Poop lands with a nice combination. Cartman backs away looking to recover.
Poop misses with a straight left.
Eric Cartman seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
The fighters circling - Poop throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Cartman fakes with the hands and throws a leg kick but Poop is out of range.
Poop tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Cartman was well out of range. Poor timing from Poop.
Cartman misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Poop shoots in with a takedown attempt and he has Cartman pinned against the cage. Cartman gets the underhooks and manages to circle away.
Poop changes levels and looks for a double leg takedown. Cartman tries to avoid it but Poop manages to keep hold of a leg and drag Cartman to the ground. Cartman escapes though and pops straight back up to his feet.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Cartman motions for Poop to come forward. Cartman throws a leg kick but it misses it's target.
Poop blocks a head kick by Cartman.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Frekkas Poop dominated that round.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action!

Cartman connects with a solid leg kick.
Poop takes a kick to the body and keeps moving.
Nice uppercut there from Cartman.
Cartman tries to clinch but fails miserably
and Poop counters with a good low kick that Cartman was not able to check.
Cartman looks to land a body kick but Poop moved away.
A swing and a miss from Poop.
Cartman throws a leg kick
and Poop counters nicely by changing levels and landing a hook to the body.
Cartman bobs and weaves and unloads with a good uppercut.
Poop shoots in for a double leg but Cartman sprawls well. That's going to sap some energy.
Cartman slips a jab and a cross from Poop.
Poop walks into a straight right hand from Cartman.
Cartman steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Poop.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman is looking to slow Poop down with leg kicks.
Poop scores with a sloppy punch to the body. Not much technique there but it did the business.
Frekkas Poop seems to be getting the better of the standup.
A slow jab from Poop misses its intended target.
Cartman scores with a slapping inside leg kick.
Poop with a nice looking leg kick. You could hear that one land in a back row.
Cartman misses with a body shot.
Cartman scores with a nice right hand.
Cartman scores with a punch to the head.
Cartman jabs Poop right on the nose. Poop blinks but takes it well.
Cartman throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Poop stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Poop throws a looping left and ducks down for a takedown. He's got his arms around Cartman's waist but Cartman gets an underhook and avoids the takedown by throwing Poop off to one side.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Poop shoots in looking for a single leg takedown. Cartman is trying to defend but Poop finishes it well and ends up in half guard. Let's see if he can advance position further.
Poop is looking to stall here but Cartman recovers full guard.
Poop thows a big elbow that misses.
Cartman looking for a sweep. Not yet Cartman, not yet.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Poop is looking to work some ground and pound but Cartman has wrist control.
Poop passes easily into side control. Nice work.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman is looking for a sweep.
The referee asks Poop politely if he wouldn't mind getting on with it and actually doing something. Poop prefers to stall for the moment though.
Cartman tries to improve position but can't.
Poop in side control, trying to ground and pound but not landing this time.
Poop working the ground and pound but Cartman is defending the strikes.
Sloppy strikes there by Poop.
Cartman regains half guard, as Poop was trying to land strikes.
Poop trying to pass the guard but Cartman defending well.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Neither fighter has done anything of merit for a good minute or two here and the crowd are not happy about it.

The referee has ruled that neither fighter is active enough on the ground and has stood them back up.
Cartman walks into a straight right hand from Poop.
Poop misses with a leg kick
and Poop takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
Cartman slips a jab from Poop.
Cartman misses the body punch
and Poop counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
Cartman's corner calls for a 1-2. Cartman obliges with the 1 part as he scores the single shot and moves back out of range.
Poop moves away from the strike by Cartman.
Poop thows a leg kick but Cartman checks it
and Cartman makes him pay by landing a nice hook to the body before moving out of range.
Poop throws a sloppy head kick
and Cartman counters with a slapping leg kick.
Poop scores with a nice looking left hook and follows it up with an uppercut!
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close second round but Frekkas Poop will probably get the nod - 10:9.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action!

Nice jab there from Cartman.
A leg kick checked by Poop.
Poop misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Cartman.
Cartman steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Poop.

Cartman looks for a takedown. He's got it. We're now in half guard.
Cartman slows the pace down in half guard.
Cartman passes the half guard and he's now in mount! Big trouble for Poop!

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman takes a little breather and maintains the position. The referee will be looking for him to stay active from such a dominant position though.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Neither fighter has done anything of merit for a good minute or two here and the crowd are not happy about it.
Cartman will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
Cartman trying to control but he's not successful this time.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman tucks in and makes sure he doesn't lose the dominant position.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are starting to boo a lack of action.
Poop bucks up and manages to get a nice reversal! He's in guard on the top - nicely done!
Cartman keeping moving, preventing Poop from controlling successfully.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Cartman is trying to keep Poop in close.
Poop pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Cartman is keeping the position for now.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Eric Cartman clearly takes that round.
That's time! Back to the action!

Cartman slips under a jab.
Poop misses with a jab to the body
and Cartman counters with a leg kick.
Cartman lands a nice shot to the body.
Cartman throws a leg kick
and Poop counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
Cartman throws a head kick that half lands.
Poop throws a right hand that Cartman ducks under and follows up with a left that Cartman also avoids with ease.
Cartman is pinned up against the cage taking some big shots here. The referee is looking closely deciding whether he should stop the fight.
Poop fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Cartman manages to avoid it.
Poop dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Cartman. That did some damage!
Cartman pulls out of a head kick attempt.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman looks to score with a jab to the body but Poop is just out of range.
Cartman scores with a head kick.
Poop throws a head kick that misses
and Cartman makes the exchange count by landing a cracking kick to the body. Poop really felt that one!
Poop takes a head kick and shrugs it off.
Cartman is using his height advantage well here, landing a good percentage of his punches.
Cartman keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Cartman throws a head kick that misses
and Poop counters with a nice leg kick.
Poop swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Poop lands a head shot.
Cartman moves out of range of the leg kick from Poop.
Poop takes a nasty kick to the mid section... That should keep him thinking. Does he try and block and risk a head kick landing?
Cartman moves into range and lands a nice leg kick.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Cartman goes for a high kick. It partially lands.
Cartman throws a lazy right hand but Poop sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Cartman is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Poop.
Poop tries to check the leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
Good exchange - Cartman coming out on top.
Cartman throws a nice outside leg kick.
Poop checks a low kick from Cartman.
Poop jabs away that one connects to the head of his opponent.
Poop cracks Cartman with a right hand to the side of the head.
Poop misses with a looping right.
Poop's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.
Nice uppercut lands for Poop. That snapped Cartman's head back.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
A swing and a miss from Cartman.
Jab, cross, leg kick. Nice combination by Poop!
Cartman bobs and weaves and throws out a fast jab that snaps Poop's head backwards.
A solid leg kick lands there for Cartman.
Poop gets his head snapped back by a nice shot there.
Cartman thows a body shot but no joy.
Cartman lands a lovely overhand right.
Poop shoots in but doesn't get the takedown
and Cartman counters with a thumping low kick.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Cartman lands a straight punch to the body, keeping Poop at a distance.

Poop looking for a takedown here - he's got it.
Poop working some ground and pound from guard but it's not doing any damage.
Poop missing there with some ground and pound from the guard.
Poop stays in close to Cartman's body and controls the position.
Cartman wants to sweep but no luck.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Poop content to strike from guard, landing some decent shots.
There's a bit of a scramble here and now Cartman is on top in guard.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close fourth round but Frekkas Poop will probably get the nod - 10:9.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the cage so we can get back down to business. This is the final round!

Cartman misses with a body shot.
Cartman misses with a low kick as Poop jumps back.
Cartman buckles his opponent's knee momentarily with a nice leg kick.
Poop with a lazy takedown attempt
and Cartman counters with a nice uppercut.
A slapping leg kick lands for Poop.
The fighters circling - Poop throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Poop is looking to score with low kicks.
A jab from Poop misses.
A left and a right from Poop both land. Nice combination.
Cartman throws a feint and then finishes with a kick to the body.
Poop has developed a nice purple lump on his ribcage, as a result of some heavy body kicks from Cartman.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman tries a low kick but Poop avoids it.
Cartman throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Poop lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Cartman throws a leg kick but Poop moved away.
Cartman thumps Poop with a low kick.
Poop throws a leg kick that is checked
and Cartman counters with a lovely straight right hand!
Poop swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Poop swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Cartman counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.
A low kick from Cartman is predictable there
enabling Poop to counter with a crisp jab.
Cartman looks like he's developed a pretty tasty lump over his left eye. He'll need to avoid taking much more damage to that.
Cartman throws a low kick but Poop avoids it.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Cartman just misses with a punch to the body.
Poop misses with a straight left.
Cartman explodes with a nice body kick and back out of range. Nice work.
Poop looks to land a left hand but Cartman moved out of range nicely.
Cartman tries for a takedown but Poop sees it coming a mile off and avoids it easily.
Cartman lands a high kick!
Poop wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
Poop checks a low kick from Cartman.
Poop with a poor takedown
and Cartman counters with a lovely straight right hand!
Cartman connects with a solid leg kick.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
A bone on bone clash there as Poop blocks the leg kick.
Cartman defends well against a solid takedown attempt from Poop.
Eric Cartman has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Frekkas Poop.
Poop misses with a double jab
and Cartman counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
Cartman throws a leg kick which misses Poop's front leg but catches the back leg as Poop tries to avoid it.
Poop throws a looping overhand right but Cartman ducks down to avoid it.
Thud! ouch! good body kick from Cartman - that will leave a mark!
Poop misses with a hook.
Poop checks a leg kick.
Poop shoots in but Cartman avoids the takedown attempt easily.
Eric Cartman has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Poop throws a left and a right that both miss
and Cartman counters with a nice low kick that buckles Poop's knee momentarily.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Cartman throws a leg kick but Poop sees it coming and moves out of range.
Cartman throws a nice looking combination but Poop bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Nice defenses there by Cartman.
Cartman lands a leg kick. The shin dug right into the meat of the thigh.
Cartman slips a straight right by Poop.
Nice cross by Cartman.
Poop walks into a jab.
Poop falls off balance throwing a combination
and Cartman cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
Poop throws out a token jab with nothing on it.

And that's the end of the fight!
Eric Cartman showed his dominance in that final round.
Well Poop has outworked and out performed his opponent in all aspects of the game today. He was simply too good and the decision should be no more than a formality. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 5 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Valeri Chadov scores the fight 47:48
Judge Viktor Lagutenko scores the fight 47:48
Judge Sergei Dronov scores the fight 47:48

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Frekkas Poop!
Frekkas Poop is the new welterweight champion!