PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a bantamweight MMA rules bout between Vadim Varlaam (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Motherflippin Hiphopopotamus (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Varlaam comes to the cage accompanied by Russian Vear!. Motherflippin Hiphopopotamus is staring across the cage at his opponent, tweaking his nipples.

Varlaam
vs
Hiphopopotamus

165 cm
19
148 lbs
0 - 1 - 1

173 cm
21
145 lbs
2 - 0 - 0

BJJ White Belt
World class MT
KO power

BJJ White Belt
Excellent MT
Powerful

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the bantamweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 0 - 1 - 1, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Vadim Varlaam!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 2 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Motherflippin Hiphopopotamus!
The judges for this bout are Edson Gomes, Thiago Cunha and Mauricio Rocha.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Hiphopopotamus tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Hiphopopotamus on the wrong end of a nice low kick. He's acting like it's no big deal but he doesn't want to take many more of those.
Motherflippin Hiphopopotamus seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Hiphopopotamus checks the leg kick nicely there.
Hiphopopotamus pivots as if he's going to throw a leg kick but stops half way.
Varlaam throws a chopping leg kick but Hiphopopotamus manages to avoid taking any serious damage.
Varlaam motions for Hiphopopotamus to come forward. Varlaam throws a leg kick but it misses it's target.
Varlaam misses with a low kick.
Hiphopopotamus tries to check the leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
Varlaam misses with a kick to the body.
Hiphopopotamus connects with a leg kick. He turned his hip over nicely there.
Varlaam walks forward and throws out a flicking leg kick. Hiphopopotamus checks it nicely though, as he moves to the side.
That kick from Hiphopopotamus tenderised Varlaam's leg. Varlaam is trying to keep his angry face on.
Hiphopopotamus tried to score with a low kick but Varlaam checks it.
Hiphopopotamus moves out of range of the body kick from Varlaam.
Varlaam does a little shimmy and throws a leg kick. The leg kick missed by a considerable margin though, making him look a little bit silly for doing the shimmy.
Varlaam pushes Hiphopopotamus away with a front kick.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from Varlaam lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Hiphopopotamus has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Hiphopopotamus and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.
Hiphopopotamus is looking to land body kicks.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Hiphopopotamus throws a leg kick but Varlaam sees it coming and moves out of range.
The sound of bone on bone echoes around the arena as Hiphopopotamus checks a leg kick.
Varlaam throws a body kick that misses.

Varlaam clinches up with Hiphopopotamus and pushes him back against the cage.
Varlaam tries to land a knee to the body but he is off balance and Hiphopopotamus avoids it.
Varlaam tries to land knees in the clinch but Hiphopopotamus avoids the damage to the body.
Hiphopopotamus can't break the clinch.
Varlaam missing with knees to the body.
Varlaam missing with knees to the body.
Varlaam misses with an elbow over the top.
Varlaam lands a nice elbow from the clinch.
Varlaam keeps the fight in the clinch, despite Hiphopopotamus's efforts to push away.
Varlaam creates a bit of distance and throws an elbow that only just misses.
A nice glancing elbow lands by Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus dodges an elbow strike from Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus managing to block the knees to the body from Varlaam.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.
Varlaam tries to land knees in the clinch but Hiphopopotamus avoids the damage to the body.
Hiphopopotamus wants to strike at distance but he can't break free of the clinch.
Hiphopopotamus blocks an elbow strike from Varlaam.
Varlaam missing with knees to the body.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to break the clinch but Varlaam is controlling him.
A frustrated look appears on Hiphopopotamus's face as he tries to break the clinch.
Varlaam keeps control of Hiphopopotamus as he tries to wriggle out of the double underhooks.
Varlaam tries to land knees in the clinch but Hiphopopotamus avoids the damage to the body.
With the two fighters working up against the cage, Varlaam just misses with a elbow thrown towards Hiphopopotamus's brow.
Varlaam trying to land knees to the body.
Hiphopopotamus blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Hiphopopotamus has had enough of the clinch and is looking to separate.
With the fighters up against the cage, Varlaam throws an elbow but misses.
Varlaam tries to land knees in the clinch but Hiphopopotamus avoids the damage to the body.
Varlaam creates a bit of space for himself and sneaks an elbow through Hiphopopotamus's defenses.
Hiphopopotamus dodges an elbow strike from Varlaam.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Varlaam prevents Hiphopopotamus from breaking the clinch.
Hiphopopotamus blocks an elbow strike.
Varlaam throws an elbow but it's blocked.
Varlaam landing knees to the body.
Hiphopopotamus blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Nice elbow from Varlaam.
Varlaam is looking to score with knees to the body. Maybe he'll change it up and go body then head. Hiphopopotamus is defending well for now.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to break free.
Varlaam misses the knee to the body. Nice hip positioning from Hiphopopotamus.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to force a seperation but Varlaam has the dominant position.
Hiphopopotamus blocks an elbow strike from Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus avoids the elbow strike from Varlaam, against the cage.
Hiphopopotamus avoiding damage as Varlaam throws knees to the body.
Varlaam pushes off an throws an elbow but Hiphopopotamus leans to the side and avoids it. We're back to clinching against the cage.
Varlaam pushes off and fires off an elbow that misses, before clinching up again, against the cage.
A frustrated look appears on Hiphopopotamus's face as he tries to break the clinch.
Hiphopopotamus dodges an elbow strike from Varlaam.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
There's not a lot going on here and the crowd are letting the fighters know they're not willing to tolerate a lack of action.
Hiphopopotamus managing to block the knees to the body from Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus dodges an elbow strike from Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus wants to strike at distance but he can't break free of the clinch.
Varlaam tries to land a knee to the body but he is off balance and Hiphopopotamus avoids it.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to break free.
Varlaam tries to land knees in the clinch but Hiphopopotamus avoids the damage to the body.
Varlaam keeps control of Hiphopopotamus as he tries to wriggle out of the double underhooks.
Hiphopopotamus managing to block the knees to the body from Varlaam.
Varlaam misses the knee to the body. Nice hip positioning from Hiphopopotamus.
Varlaam missing with knees to the body.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to force a seperation but Varlaam has the dominant position.
Hiphopopotamus on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Hiphopopotamus avoids a wild elbow strike from Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus is looking to break free of the clinch but Varlaam has double underhooks.
Hiphopopotamus blocks an elbow strike from Varlaam.
With the fighters up against the cage, Varlaam throws an elbow but misses.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Vadim Varlaam dominated that round.
The corners get their ten second warning. Both fighters stand from their stools and stare eachother down, ready to get back to the action.

Hiphopopotamus will need to close the distance a bit before he attacks - that leg kick was thrown from too far away.
Hiphopopotamus tries a head kick but it misses.
Hiphopopotamus misses with a head kick.
Varlaam blocks a head kick by Hiphopopotamus.
Nice body kick from Hiphopopotamus.
Hiphopopotamus thuds a mid kick into his opponent's body. That will wear on Varlaam if he has to take too many more of those.
Hiphopopotamus wants to land a leg kick but Varlaam is out of range.
Hiphopopotamus misses with a low kick.
A slapping leg kick lands for Hiphopopotamus.
Varlaam doesn't manage to clinch there - Hiphopopotamus circles away.
Varlaam tries to clinch up but Hiphopopotamus circles away and keeps his distance.
Hiphopopotamus throws a head kick that misses.
Varlaam tries to score with a low kick but Hiphopopotamus moves his leg out of the way.
Varlaam takes a step back and watches a body kick go sailing past his mid section.

Varlaam moves into the clinch.
Varlaam tries to land knees in the clinch but Hiphopopotamus avoids the damage to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Varlaam tries to land knees in the clinch but Hiphopopotamus avoids the damage to the body.
Hiphopopotamus on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Hiphopopotamus avoiding damage as Varlaam throws knees to the body.
Varlaam looks to throw an elbow but misses.
Varlaam tries to land a knee to the body but he is off balance and Hiphopopotamus avoids it.
Varlaam looks to throw an elbow but misses.
Hiphopopotamus blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to break the clinch but Varlaam has him pressed against the cage.
Varlaam misses with an elbow strike.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to break free.
Hiphopopotamus has had enough of the clinch and is looking to separate.
Hiphopopotamus tries to circle away but Varlaam has him pinned against the cage.
Hiphopopotamus avoiding damage as Varlaam throws knees to the body.
Varlaam trying to land knees to the body.
Hiphopopotamus avoids a wild elbow strike from Varlaam.
Varlaam missing with knees to the body.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are hurling abuse towards the fighters... You can hardly blame them though because there isn't a lot going on in the fight.
Hiphopopotamus dodges an elbow strike from Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Varlaam pushes off an throws an elbow but Hiphopopotamus leans to the side and avoids it. We're back to clinching against the cage.
Knees in the clinch landing for Varlaam.
Varlaam misses with an elbow strike.
Hiphopopotamus managing to block the knees to the body from Varlaam.
Varlaam tries to land knees in the clinch but Hiphopopotamus avoids the damage to the body.
With the two fighters working up against the cage, Varlaam just misses with a elbow thrown towards Hiphopopotamus's brow.
Hiphopopotamus managing to block the knees to the body from Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus wants to break free. God knows he wants to breaaaak freeee.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to break free.
Hiphopopotamus avoiding damage as Varlaam throws knees to the body.
Varlaam misses with an elbow strike.
Varlaam prevents Hiphopopotamus from breaking the clinch.
Hiphopopotamus blocks the elbow strike.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to force a seperation but Varlaam has the dominant position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Hiphopopotamus blocks the elbow strike.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to work out of this bad position, with his back against the cage.
Varlaam is looking to score with knees to the body. Maybe he'll change it up and go body then head. Hiphopopotamus is defending well for now.
Hiphopopotamus wants to push off and get back to the center of the mat but Varlaam has him pressed against the cage.
The fighters are starting to get sweaty, which will make takedowns a bit more tricky.
Hiphopopotamus is trying to work out of this bad position, with his back against the cage.
Hiphopopotamus wants to push off and get back to the center of the mat but Varlaam has him pressed against the cage.
Varlaam missing with knees to the body.
Varlaam throws an elbow that misses.
Hiphopopotamus blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Varlaam tries to land knees in the clinch but Hiphopopotamus avoids the damage to the body.
With the fighters up against the cage, Varlaam throws an elbow but misses.
Hiphopopotamus blocks the elbow strike.
Hiphopopotamus wants to get back to striking at distance but Varlaam won't allow it.
Varlaam prevents Hiphopopotamus from breaking the clinch.
Varlaam trying to land knees to the body.
Hiphopopotamus tries to break the clinch but Varlaam is controlling the position.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
My god... these two guys really need to pick up the pace or everyone will leave to go get a beer.
Hiphopopotamus avoids a wild elbow strike from Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus wants to get back to striking at distance but Varlaam won't allow it.
Hiphopopotamus blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Hiphopopotamus blocks an elbow strike.
Hiphopopotamus working hard to break the clinch.
Varlaam unloads a knee to the mid-section. Hiphopopotamus lets out a prehistoric sounding urrrrgh.
Varlaam prevents Hiphopopotamus from breaking the clinch.
Varlaam looks to throw an elbow but misses.
Varlaam misses with an elbow strike.
A frustrated look appears on Hiphopopotamus's face as he tries to break the clinch.
Varlaam misses the knee to the body. Nice hip positioning from Hiphopopotamus.
Hiphopopotamus is looking to break free of the clinch but Varlaam has double underhooks.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Varlaam pushes off and fires off an elbow that misses, before clinching up again, against the cage.
Hiphopopotamus can't break the clinch.
Hiphopopotamus has had enough of the clinch but Varlaam keeps him there for the moment.
Hiphopopotamus can't break the clinch.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Motherflippin Hiphopopotamus showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
The corners get their ten second warning. Both fighters stand from their stools and stare eachother down, ready to get back to the action. This is the final round!

Hiphopopotamus looking to land some kicks to the body here.
Hiphopopotamus throws a leg kick
and Varlaam counters with a good, hard body kick but Hiphopopotamus shrugs it off.
Varlaam throws a low kick, looking for Hiphopopotamus's leg but Hiphopopotamus calmly moves out of range.
A bone on bone clash there as Hiphopopotamus blocks the leg kick.
Varlaam misses with a leg kick.
Well, he's not going to score with shots like that. A lazy body kick attempt from Hiphopopotamus.
Hiphopopotamus checks a low kick from Varlaam.
An inside leg kick from Hiphopopotamus misses.
Hiphopopotamus goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
Hiphopopotamus blocks the body kick.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Hiphopopotamus throws a chopping leg kick but Varlaam manages to avoid taking any serious damage.
Varlaam throws a leg kick but Hiphopopotamus sees it coming and checks it nicely.
Varlaam wants to clinch up but Hiphopopotamus keeps it at a distance.
A bone on bone clash there as Hiphopopotamus blocks the leg kick.
Varlaam wants to land a leg kick but Hiphopopotamus is out of range.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Varlaam throws a chopping leg kick but Hiphopopotamus manages to avoid taking any serious damage.
Hiphopopotamus throws a leg kick but Varlaam sees it coming and checks it nicely.
Well, he's not going to score with shots like that. A lazy body kick attempt from Hiphopopotamus.
Varlaam scores with a leg kick.
Varlaam moves out of range as Hiphopopotamus throws a body kick.
Hiphopopotamus moves out of range of the body kick.
Hiphopopotamus throws a sloppy head kick
and Varlaam counters with a leg kick that reverborates around the arena.
Hiphopopotamus tries to land a leg kick but Varlaam saw it coming and moves away.
Hiphopopotamus pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Varlaam blocks the body kick.
Hiphopopotamus throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Varlaam throws a leg kick that is checked
and Hiphopopotamus counters with a flying knee. Nice.
Varlaam attempts a leg kick but it's missed by a good margin.
Varlaam misses with a low kick.
Varlaam throws a nice outside leg kick.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Hiphopopotamus throws a leg kick which misses Varlaam's front leg but catches the back leg as Varlaam tries to avoid it.
Varlaam pushes Hiphopopotamus away with a front kick.
Varlaam throws a body kick, spinning off balance
and Hiphopopotamus counters with a kick to the head that grazes his opponent. Varlaam is lucky that one didn't land flush.
Hiphopopotamus bobs and weaves and then throws a good body kick.
Varlaam tries to land a front kick but Hiphopopotamus steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.
Varlaam tries to score with a low kick but Hiphopopotamus moves his leg out of the way.
A head kick from Hiphopopotamus lands but Varlaam takes it in his stride.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Varlaam moves out of range of the body kick.
Varlaam lands with a nice body kick.
Varlaam throws a body kick the misses
and Hiphopopotamus counters with a nice body kick.
Both fighters are breathing heavily.
Hiphopopotamus looking to land some kicks to the body here.
Hiphopopotamus throws a decent looking leg kick but it doesn't land clean.
A low kick from Hiphopopotamus misses
and Varlaam counters with an inside leg kick.
Varlaam checks a low kick from Hiphopopotamus.
Hiphopopotamus misses with an attempted mid kick.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Varlaam misses with a low kick as Hiphopopotamus jumps back.
Varlaam with a nice looking leg kick. You could hear that one land in a back row.
Varlaam takes a head kick and shrugs it off.
Varlaam throws a leg kick that is checked
and Hiphopopotamus counters with a nice body kick.
Hiphopopotamus throws a head kick that misses.
Varlaam moves out of range of the body kick.
Varlaam is looking to clinch but Hiphopopotamus is avoiding it.
Hiphopopotamus swats away the attempt to clinch by Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus throws a leg kick but he was too far away and it doesn't land.
Hiphopopotamus throws a body kick that misses.
Varlaam throws a leg kick but Hiphopopotamus sees it coming and moves out of range.
A low kick from Varlaam misses
and Hiphopopotamus counters with a leg kick.
Hiphopopotamus throws a head kick but Varlaam moves out of range.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Varlaam throws a leg kick but Hiphopopotamus sees it coming and moves out of range.
Varlaam tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Hiphopopotamus throws a leg kick that is checked
and Varlaam counters with a good, hard body kick but Hiphopopotamus shrugs it off.
Varlaam connects with an inside leg kick.
Varlaam checks the leg kick nicely there.
Hiphopopotamus keeps Varlaam at a distance using the push kick.
Hiphopopotamus pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Hiphopopotamus takes a step back and watches a body kick go sailing past his mid section.
Hiphopopotamus fakes with a right hand and throws a good leg kick, right into the thigh. That had to hurt Varlaam.
Hiphopopotamus wants to slow Varlaam down by chopping away at his legs.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Hiphopopotamus tries to score with an inside leg kick but telegraphs it and Varlaam is able to avoid easily.
Hiphopopotamus throws a nice inside leg kick.
Varlaam throws a leg kick
and Hiphopopotamus finishes the little exchange by landing a big kick to the body.
Hiphopopotamus throws a head kick that misses.

And that's the end of the fight!
Motherflippin Hiphopopotamus comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
I think Hiphopopotamus has won this one but let's see whether the judges agree with me. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Edson Gomes scores the fight 28:29
Judge Thiago Cunha scores the fight 28:29
Judge Mauricio Rocha scores the fight 28:29

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Motherflippin Hiphopopotamus!