PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a middleweight MMA rules bout between Herp Derp (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Haha Loose (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Derp comes to the cage accompanied by Sick of You. I'm sure you'll be fascinated to know that I was talking to some pointless Z list celebrity before the fight and he thought that Haha Loose was going to win. Let's see if he was right.

Derp
vs
Loose

196 cm
24
185 lbs
1 - 1 - 0

181 cm
20
185 lbs
1 - 0 - 0

BJJ Blue Belt
Basic striking
Granite chin

BJJ Blue Belt
Brawler
Tends to cut

Nemesis Laboratories: Q150 - $30

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the middleweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 1 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Amsterdam, Herp Derp!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 1 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Amsterdam, Haha Loose!
The judges for this bout are Nard Betker, Albert Achterberg and Patrick Alders.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Loose shoots and misses
and Derp counters with a straight right hand.

It looks like Haha Loose has been cut.
Derp digs a good body shot into Loose's ribs.
Loose steps to his left, right into the path of a big body kick from Derp. That one must have hurt.
Derp lands with a kick to the temple. Loose shrugs as if to say "is that all you've got?"
Derp feints a straight left to the body, then turns around with a flashy move and hits Looses jaw with a dramatic spinning back fist!

Derp closes the distance and clinches.
Loose is looking for a takedown up against the cage. Derp gets underhooks though and prevents the takedown attempt.
Derp stops a takedown attempt from Loose.
Herp Derp has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Haha Loose.
Loose looks gassed!
Loose has a body lock and is looking for a takedown. Derp is bouncing around trying to prevent the takedown and somehow he has indeed managed to stay on his feet.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Loose is working for a takedown up against the cage. He can't get it on this occasion though.
Derp connects with a knee to the head.

Derp has clasped his hands together around Loose's back... aaand, he's got a takedown into side control. Nicely done.
Derp throwing strikes but missing, from side control.
Derp really does look like a pencil wearing a pair of gloves. Let's hope he has a gameplan to suit that ridiculous body shape.
Derp tries to land with some ground and pound but misses.
Derp working the head with strikes.
Loose avoids any damage from the ground and pound of Derp.

Derp looking for an arm triangle but it's way too loose to do anything.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Derp throwing strikes but missing, from side control.
Derp trying to control the position but Loose is working away.
Derp is trying to ground and pound but Loose uses the momentary lack of control by Derp to regain half guard.
Derp tries to pass to full mount but Loose defends it.
Derp is working hard here to advance position.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
My god... these two guys really need to pick up the pace or everyone will leave to go get a beer.
Derp keeping composed on the top, looking to control the action.
Derp wants to control but Loose is keeping him busy.
We may be looking at a referee standup if the pace doesn't pick up soon.
Derp throwing punches and elbows but they're not doing any damage.
Derp will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
Derp missing with some ground and pound from the half guard.
Loose is refusing to be controlled, as Derp sits in half guard.

We're going to have a standup here because Herp Derp wasn't active enough for the referee's liking.
A head kick from Derp lands but Loose takes it in his stride.

That has opened up Haha Loose's cut even more.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Derp closes the distance and scores a nice trip takedown into half guard. Loose did well to prevent Derp getting side control.
We get told so often about how wrestlers don't like to be on their backs. Let's see if Loose can do anything to dispel that myth.

Derp is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Loose sees it coming and defends easily.
Derp has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.

Derp maintaining the dominant position here and is working for a kimura. He's locked it up! Loose could be in real trouble here! He's trying to wriggle out but Derp has cracked it and Loose is screaming in pain - he's tapped out! Great finish by Derp!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:33 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (Kimura). Herp Derp!