PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Spongebob Squarepants (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Adolf Hitler (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Squarepants's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, The Best Day Ever. Hitler is bobbing his head along to his entrance song: The Imperial March. Over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

Squarepants
vs
Hitler

175 cm
23
152 lbs
0 - 3 - 1

173 cm
23
150 lbs
1 - 0 - 0

BJJ White Belt
Basic striking
Big heart

BJJ Blue Belt
Brawler
Determined

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 0 - 3 - 1, fighting out of Tokyo, Spongebob Squarepants!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 1 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Tokyo, Adolf Hitler!
The judges for this bout are Shigeki Fujiwara, Shigeki Sano and Sosuke Kotani.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Hitler throws a hook but Squarepants blocks it.

Hitler gets in close and instigates a clinch.
Squarepants is trying to break free.
Both guys are working to get underhooks.
Hitler blocks a couple of punches on the inside.

Hitler breaks from the clinch.
Squarepants scores with a nice looking left hook and follows it up with an uppercut!
Squarepants steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Hitler.

Hitler moves into the clinch.
Squarepants lands a nice elbow from the clinch.

It looks like Adolf Hitler has been cut.
Squarepants's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
Squarepants lands with a short shot to the head.
Hitler looks like he'd prefer to be striking at range right now.
Squarepants keeps the fight in the clinch, despite Hitler's efforts to push away.

Hitler pulls guard successfully.

Hitler uses the cage to get back to his feet.
Squarepants tries to land a front kick but Hitler steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.
Hitler takes a swing at Squarepants's ribcage but misses.
Hitler misses the jab.
A left and a right from Squarepants both land. Nice combination.
Jab by Hitler.
Squarepants scores with a one two! Hitler had his feet all tangled up there and couldn't avoid the strikes.
Squarepants tries to bum rush Hitler with a series of wild strikes but Hitler uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Squarepants swinging wildly here.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Hitler tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Squarepants was well out of range. Poor timing from Hitler.
Squarepants tries a head kick but it misses.
Squarepants throws a leg kick but Hitler moved away.
Hitler looks to land a combination but Squarepants avoids it well.
Hitler throws a big shot that misses.
No joy there for Squarepants, who threw a few shots but didn't land.
Squarepants pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Spongebob Squarepants is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Hitler is looking to chop away at Squarepants's legs.

Hitler has closed the distance and engaged Squarepants in a clinch.
Hitler takes an elbow to the forehead.
Squarepants working on landing some head shots here - that one got through nicely.
Squarepants lands a hook to the side of the head.
A left hand lands to the body for Squarepants.
Hitler lands a right hand that snaps the head of Squarepants backwards.
Squarepants is looking for a takedown up against the cage. Hitler gets underhooks though and prevents the takedown attempt.
Hitler is trying to work out of this bad position, with his back against the cage.
Hitler misses with the head strike.
Squarepants lands with a short punch from the clinch.
An uppercut on the inside fails to land for Hitler.
Squarepants looking to throw knees to the head but Hitler is blocking nicely.

Hitler has managed to pull guard. Let's see whether he can work an aggressive guard. It will also be interesting to see what tactics Squarepants uses from the top position.

Hitler looking for a guillotine here but Squarepants defends easily.
Hitler looks gassed!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Squarepants wants to stand and escape but instead Hitler has hit a sweep and he's now on top in guard.
Squarepants is trying to control the position but Hitler postures up.
Hitler throwing elbows and punches but not connecting, as Squarepants works some decent striking defense from the bottom.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Hitler loading up with the ground and pound but he's missing more than he's landing in this flurry.

Hitler gets to his feet - Squarepants follows without any prompting.

Hitler shoots in for a takedown! He's got it and he's managed to land in full mount! That's better than Hitler was expecting from the takedown attempt, I'm sure!
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Squarepants is looking to get to half guard.

Hitler swings around for an armbar and he's got it! Wow, that came out of nowhere! What a finish!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:02 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (Armbar). Adolf Hitler!