PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Spongebob Squarepants (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Adolf Hitler (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Squarepants kept the crowd waiting but all that was forgotten when his ring entrance music started. The incomparable musical genius that is The Best Day Ever. Hitler has chosen The Imperial March as his entrance music. Both fighters look fresh as a daisy as they make their way towards the cage.

Squarepants
vs
Hitler

175 cm
23
152 lbs
0 - 4 - 1

173 cm
23
150 lbs
3 - 0 - 0

BJJ White Belt
Basic striking
Big heart

BJJ Blue Belt
Brawler
Determined

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 0 - 4 - 1, fighting out of Tokyo, Spongebob Squarepants!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 3 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Tokyo, Adolf Hitler!
The judges for this bout are Yasuomi Hirokawa, Shirou Masuda and Shigeki Sano.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Squarepants throws a head kick that Hitler semi-blocks.
Squarepants throws a head kick that misses.
Squarepants tries a head kick but it misses.
Hitler throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Squarepants keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.

A big head kick from Hitler and Squarepants is sent sprawling to the canvas!

It looks like Spongebob Squarepants has been cut.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Hitler throwing strikes from guard but Squarepants blocks nicely.
Hitler stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Squarepants swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Hitler postures up in Squarepants's guard and throws a big left but Squarepants blocks it.
Squarepants trying to control the position here.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!

Hitler gets to his feet. Squarepants looking to butt scoot but the ref puts an end to that. On your feet son!
Squarepants lunges in with swinging rights and lefts but Hitler circles away quickly and effectively.

Nice combo by Hitler! Oh, that's hurt him - Squarepants falls to the canvas and Hitler follows him into side control.

Squarepants is rocked!
Hitler has the superior BJJ but he's also working some ground strikes into his gameplan.
Hitler tries to move into full mount but can't pass Squarepants's legs.
Oh Squarepants is still in real trouble! Will he be able to recover?!!
Squarepants is trying to control Hitler's posture but Hitler avoids it.
Squarepants seems to have got his legs back now.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Hitler has knee on belly and now moves to full mount! Trouble for Squarepants!
Hitler has his opponent pinned against the cage, landing some nasty ground and pound that is really making a bit of a mess out of Squarepants's face.
Squarepants tries to hold on but Hitler postures up.
Hitler has his opponent pinned against the cage, landing some nasty ground and pound that is really making a bit of a mess out of Squarepants's face.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Hitler working away from the top, dropping strikes.
Hitler thowing strikes but they're hitting the gloves, not doing any damage.
Both fighters really going for it on the ground here!
Hitler with shots to the head and body - Squarepants looks very uncomfortable down there.
Hitler with a couple of short strikes.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Hitler scores with a couple of good head shots there.
Squarepants can't escape the position.
Hitler fakes a shot to the body and cracks his opponent in the head. Nice ground and pound there!
Squarepants sneaks a leg under to get to half guard.
Hitler passes to full mount!
Hitler landing strikes, looking to finish!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Hitler dominating with strikes here.
Hitler lands a big elbow.
Squarepants really trying hard to get back to half guard here.
Hitler postures up and cracks his opponent a couple of times before moving back into close ground control. Squarepants looks a forlorn figure.
Hitler lands a couple of nice shots there from mount.
Squarepants on his back here. We all know that wrestlers don't like being on their back so let's see if Squarepants tries to get out of the position.
Squarepants tries to hold on but Hitler pushes him away.
Hitler scoring with strikes but Squarepants is staying in there.
The referee warns Squarepants that he has to improve his position here as he takes two more clean shots to the head.
Squarepants is looking to improve his position but Hitler isn't that keen on the idea.
Hitler breaks from Squarepants's wrist control and lands an elbow.
Squarepants is looking to get to half guard.
Hitler in mount throwing good strikes here, bouncing his opponent's head off the canvas.
Hitler wants to control the pace but Squarepants is squirming around nicely.
Hitler working away from the top, dropping strikes.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Hitler scoring with strikes but Squarepants is staying in there.
The referee warns Squarepants that he has to improve his position here as he takes two more clean shots to the head.

Hitler is thinking about an arm triangle here, looking to tighten it up before moving to side control. Squarepants can see it coming though and defends well with a couple of strikes to the head and some good arm positioning.
Hitler pausing momentarily but resumes with a couple of decent strikes that do a bit of damage.
Squarepants is working to get back to half guard.
Hitler cracks Squarepants with a nasty head shot there - the crowd let out an audible gasp there, as the noise reverberated around the arena.
Hitler raining down shots from the mount!
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Hitler can't quite control the action as he would like just now, as Squarepants is looking to escape.
Squarepants working to try and regain half guard.
Hitler wants to control the pace but Squarepants is squirming around nicely.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Squarepants wants to control but Hitler is having none of it.
Squarepants is looking to improve his position but Hitler isn't that keen on the idea.
Squarepants knows he needs to get back to his feet asap. He's simply no match for Hitler on the ground.
Hitler avoids the attempt from Squarepants to control.
Hitler with shots to the head and body - Squarepants looks very uncomfortable down there.
Squarepants is squirming around, avoiding Hitler's attempts to control the action.
Hitler looking to ground and pound his opponent to a finish here.
Hitler punishing his opponent with strikes.
Hitler lands a big shot to the head and Squarepants winces in pain. He's tapped out due to strikes!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:58 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (Strikes). Adolf Hitler!