PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Joaquim Maria (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Anal Bead Party (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Chooooooooon! I think Maria might be my favorite fighter, now he's come out to Kronos - Bloodtower. Both fighters look fresh as a daisy as they make their way towards the cage.

Maria
vs
Bead Party

193 cm
27
226 lbs
21 - 4 - 0

190 cm
28
276 lbs
11 - 2 - 0

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Insanely flexible

Good wrestler
Excellent MT
Good gas tank

5th Round Clothing
Brute

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 21 - 4 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Joaquim Maria!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 11 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Anal Bead Party!
The judges for this bout are Aleksandr Martynov, Sergei Dronov and Igor Prikhodko.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Party throws a jab when Maria was well out of range.
Maria bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
No luck with that takedown attempt from Party.
Party swings away but doesn't land with a series of punches.
Maria slips a jab from Party.
Ooooh, nice body kick lands from Maria. Party shrugs it off though.
Maria moves out of range of the strikes.
Maria connects with a solid leg kick.
Maria checks a low kick from Party.
Party misses with a looping right.
Party misses with a body punch
and Maria counters with a leg kick that reverborates around the arena.
Anal Bead Party seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Party rushes in with a sloppy looking punch
and Maria connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.

It looks like Anal Bead Party has been cut.
Party walks forward and throws out a flicking leg kick. Maria checks it nicely though, as he moves to the side.

Party shoots in and bounces Maria off the cage to secure the takedown into guard.
Maria can't keep his opponent in guard - Party advances to half guard, no doubt looking to mount.
Party trying to control from half guard but Maria is working away.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Party takes advantage of the dominant position to land a couple of big hammer fists.

Party is trying to work for a kimura but Maria is defending well.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Party wants to pass the guard but Maria is defending well.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Party throwing punches and elbows but they're not doing any damage.
Party is controlling the pace.
Party trying to advance position but Maria counters by regaining guard.
Party throwing strikes from guard but Maria blocks nicely.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Maria controlling Party's posture.
Maria working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from Party.
Party lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.
Party trying to land body shots but he keeps hitting the mat.
Maria utilising some decent striking defenses from the guard, preventing the ground and pound.
Party trying to pass the guard. He's being very persistent here but Maria manages to land a sweep and now he's on top!

Party working from the bottom, still in full guard. He's managed to get a loose triangle. Maria doesn't seem to be doing much to defend here, obviously he feels comfortable in the position. Maria manages to throw the legs off his shoulder and he's back into guard - no problem.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Maria trying to stand up but can't free himself from Party's guard.
The fighters are starting to get a bit slippery now, which will make submissions a bit more difficult.
Party looking to sweep here. No luck so far.
Maria looking to pass the guard.
Party looking to hit a scissor sweep but Maria is one step ahead there.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Maria looking to control the position here, rather than advance.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Anal Bead Party dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Anal Bead Party's cut.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

Maria avoids the head kick by Party.
Party looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Party motions for Maria to come forward. Party throws a leg kick but it misses it's target.
Party throws a looping left and ducks down for a takedown. He's got his arms around Maria's waist but Maria gets an underhook and avoids the takedown by throwing Party off to one side.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
A low kick from Party misses
and Party takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
Maria slips a jab from Party.
Party shoots in for a takedown but Maria shows good takedown defense.
Party scores with a head kick. Maria tried to block it but didn't get his arm up in time.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Party misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Party shoots in looking for a double leg takedown. Maria defends it nicely.
Joaquim Maria has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Anal Bead Party.
Maria connects with the punch.
Party blocks a head kick by Maria.
Joaquim Maria is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.

Party dives in and scores a takedown into Maria's guard.
Party pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Maria is keeping the position for now.
Party throws a strike but Maria rolls with it and manages to sweep. Now he's in guard on top.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Party working for submissions but it's allowed Maria to get to half guard.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Party is looking to get back to full guard here but Maria has managed to pass to side control instead.
Party is looking to regain half guard here but Maria keeps moving and retains side control.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Party manages to land a sweep and he's now on top! Lovely Jiu Jitsu!
Maria moves into full guard.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Party postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.
Party advances to half guard.
Party tries to pass the half guard into mount. Maria knows what he's doing though and prevents the attempt.
Party is scoring with some nice ground and pound from the dominant position.
Maria regains full guard, whilst avoiding punches from Party.
Anal Bead Party has got the better of the ground game so far.
Party looking to sit in guard and control but Maria gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.
Party has the superior BJJ but he's also working some ground strikes into his gameplan.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Maria looking to pass the guard.
Party wants to sweep but no luck.
Party bucks up whilst keeping hold of a body lock, managing to reverse the position. Now he's in top in Maria's guard.
Partyis looking to pass into half guard but Maria pushes him away with his feet and jumps on top - now Maria is in guard.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!

Party looks to be working for a triangle here. Oh, it looks like he might have it! Maria has picked Party up and slammed him! Party can't keep hold of the triangle and Maria manages to pass to side control!
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Party is positioning himself to get back to half guard.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Anal Bead Party showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
The cut man is working on Anal Bead Party's cut.
The fighters get back to their feet, the hooter sounds and we're back to the action! This is the final round!

Party looks to score with a jab to the body but Maria is just out of range.
Party attempts a leg kick but it's missed by a good margin.
Party throws a hook but Maria blocks it.
Maria blocks a jab.
Party throws a body punch but Maria moves out of range.

Party shoots in with a lovely double leg takedown. Maria manages to land in full guard to minimise the damage.
Party missing there with some ground and pound from the guard.
Party pushes down on Maria's leg and manages to get into half guard.
Party throws a big elbow that misses, also allowing Maria to regain full guard.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Party looking to sit in guard and control but Maria gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.
Party wants to hit a switch here but Maria passes into full mount! Oh no, disaster for Party there!
Party really trying hard to get back to half guard here.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Party is persisting with the attempt to improve his position.
Maria controlling his opponent.
Party is trying to escape the mount.
Anal Bead Party is fighting for a decision - hopefully he's judged it right and he's actually winning the fight.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Party tries to hold on but Maria postures up.
Party can't escape the position.
Party wants to control but Maria is having none of it.
Party is wriggling around trying to escape.
Joaquim Maria has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Party tries to lock up and control but Maria gives him a forearm to the face and pushes him away.
Maria controlling the position easily from mount.
Party can't escape the position.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Party tries to lock up and control but Maria gives him a forearm to the face and pushes him away.

Maria is thinking about an arm triangle here, looking to tighten it up before moving to side control. Party can see it coming though and defends well with a couple of strikes to the head and some good arm positioning.

And that's the end of the fight!
Anal Bead Party comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
I've got Party winning every round here. Surely the decision will go his way and he'll pick up a well deserved decision victory. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Aleksandr Martynov scores the fight 27:30
Judge Sergei Dronov scores the fight 27:30
Judge Igor Prikhodko scores the fight 27:30

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Anal Bead Party!
Anal Bead Party took to the mic in his post fight interview and said 'Anal Beads give me orgasm YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!'.