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PBP Commentary |
Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Eric Cartman (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Ronald McDonald (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Cartman kept the crowd waiting but all that was forgotten when his ring entrance music started. The incomparable musical genius that is Santana Ft Everlast - Put Your Lights On. McDonald has chosen EARTH CRISIS: DESTROY THE MACHINES as his entrance music. Eric Cartman could well score a knockout today. He has the power to get to Ronald McDonald's chin.
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| 170 cm
34
185 lbs
24 - 10 - 0 |
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181 cm
29
172 lbs
20 - 8 - 0 |
Great wrestler
Excellent boxer
Insanely flexible |
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Good wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank |
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Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of
24 - 10 - 0, fighting out of Amsterdam, Eric Cartman!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of
20 - 8 - 0, fighting out of Los Angeles, Ronald McDonald!
The judges for this bout are Paul Gruel, Micheangelo Fripello and Josh West.
The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Cartman walks straight into a jab right on the nose. That one stung - he's blinking and trying to clear his head.
McDonald is looking to clinch but Cartman is avoiding it.
McDonald lands a nice hook to Cartman's body. Cartman takes it in his stride and looks to land his own strikes.
McDonald connects with a lovely right hand, straight down the pipe.
McDonald moves into range and lands a nice leg kick.
McDonald ducks under a wild hook from Cartman.
McDonald connects with a body shot that sends Cartman's belly button to the back.
Ronald McDonald seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
McDonald thows a left - swing and a miss!
McDonald throws a couple of head shots and lands with the final one - a decent hook, which struck Cartman on the side of the head.
Cartman swings and misses with a hook to the body.
McDonald scores with a sloppy punch to the body. Not much technique there but it did the business.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Cartman misses with a wild body shot.
Cartman shoots in for a takedown - he's clinched up with McDonald but McDonald pushes him off and we're back to square one.
McDonald misses with an uppercut. Cartman saw that one coming.
That's one minute gone in the round.
An inside leg kick from Cartman misses.
McDonald pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Cartman gets the takedown into side control.
Cartman throws a knee to the body but it doesn't do much damage.
Cartman throws an elbow but McDonald slips to the side and avoids it well.
McDonald is not content to let Cartman control the position.
McDonald dodges the ground and pound from Cartman.
Cartman in side control, trying to ground and pound but not landing this time.
McDonald is not content to let Cartman control the position.
That's two minutes gone in the round.
Cartman fails to land a wild elbow strike.
Cartman misses with a strike but at least he's keeping busy, looking to cause some damage - that will still help him when it comes to the judges scorecards.
McDonald tries to get back to half guard but can't.
Cartman trying to control the position but McDonald is working away.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Cartman misses with the ground and pound.
Cartman is looking to take a break and control but McDonald is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
Cartman working the ground and pound.
That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman misses with a strike but at least he's keeping busy, looking to cause some damage - that will still help him when it comes to the judges scorecards.
Cartman lands a decent elbow from side control.
McDonald tries to bench press Cartman off him but Cartman keeps the position.
Cartman laying and praying for a moment but McDonald takes advantage and regains half guard.
Cartman missing with the ground and pound from half guard.
Cartman throwing shots but they're hitting the canvas more than the man.
McDonald gets back to full guard.
That's four minutes gone in the round.
McDonald is looking to stand up but Cartman isn't so interested in that idea.
Cartman lands a couple of digs.
McDonald looking for submissions from the bottom here. Moving his hips around, possibly looking for an armbar.
Cartman with a flurry of punches that miss.
McDonald working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from Cartman.
This has been an exciting period of action!
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Cartman missing there with some ground and pound from the guard.
Cartman trying to control but McDonald is working from the bottom.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.
Eric Cartman dominated that round.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the cage so we can get back down to business.
Cartman gets a takedown into half guard.
Cartman not throwing his punches with enough precision this time.
Cartman stops McDonald from getting back to his feet.
Cartman has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.
Cartman lands with a punch from half guard.
McDonald regains full guard, whilst avoiding punches from Cartman.
Cartman postures up.
Cartman working some ground and pound from guard but it's not doing any damage.
That's one minute gone in the round.
McDonald controlling the position.
Cartman in full guard, throwing the ground and pound. No damage this time.
McDonald avoiding any damage from the ground and pound.
Cartman wants to control from the top but McDonald keeps moving.
McDonald is trying to keep Cartman in close.
McDonald preventing the ground and pound from doing any damage.
Cartman throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.
Cartman wants to pass the guard but McDonald is keeping the position.
Cartman missing there with some ground and pound from the guard.
That's two minutes gone in the round.
McDonald looking to control.
Cartman throwing strikes but missing.
McDonald trying to control the position.
Cartman is looking to work some ground and pound but McDonald has wrist control.
Cartman might be looking to lock onto one of his opponent's long limbs for a submission, whilst we're on the ground.
Cartman looking to sit in guard and control but McDonald gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.
McDonald throws a strike but Cartman rolls with it and manages to sweep. Now he's in guard on top.
That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.
A big thud reverberates around the arena there as Cartman accidentally thumps the mat. Hopefully he's not broken his hand.
McDonald looking to sweep here. No luck so far.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Cartman content to strike from guard, landing some decent shots.
McDonald looking to control.
Eric Cartman overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.
Cartman trying to control but McDonald is working from the bottom.
Cartman loading up with the ground and pound but he's missing more than he's landing in this flurry.
That's four minutes gone in the round.
McDonald not looking particularly offensive just at the moment.
Cartman loading up with the ground and pound but he's missing more than he's landing in this flurry.
Cartman with a flurry of punches that miss.
Cartman trying to control but McDonald is working from the bottom.
Cartman postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.
Cartman throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.
Cartman throws a big right hand that misses.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
There's a bit of a scramble here and now McDonald is on top in guard.
Cartman looking for a sweep. Not yet Cartman, not yet.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.
Eric Cartman dominated that second round.
That's the end of the interval. I'm sure that seemed a lot quicker than a minute for our two fighters! Back to the action.
Cartman fails with the takedown.
Cartman slips a straight right by McDonald.
McDonald throws a hook but Cartman blocks it.
McDonald throws a low kick but his opponent is out of range.
McDonald with a nice looking leg kick. You could hear that one land in a back row.
McDonald misses with a low kick as Cartman jumps back.
McDonald wants to slow Cartman down by chopping away at his legs.
Cartman has his hands up protecting his head but a hook from McDonald finds it's way round the side to connect with Cartman's head.
McDonald motions for Cartman to come forward. McDonald throws a leg kick but it misses it's target.
McDonald tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Cartman throws a leg kick but McDonald moved away.
Cartman fakes an overhand right and shoots for a takedown. McDonald sprawls well initially but Cartman persists and gets the takedown into half guard.
That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman thumps the canvas. Not on purpose obviously - he just missed McDonald's head.
McDonald tries to get to full guard but Cartman has control of the leg.
Cartman landing with strikes to the body and head, softening up his opponent.
McDonald is trying to stand.
Cartman not throwing his punches with enough precision this time.
McDonald avoiding damage under a succession of punches from Cartman.
McDonald wants to get back to his feet.
Cartman throwing shots but they're hitting the canvas more than the man.
Cartman is looking for a kimura but he's never going to get it from there.
That's two minutes gone in the round.
Cartman throwing shots but they're hitting the canvas more than the man.
Cartman not landing any meaningful shots this time.
Cartman takes advantage of the dominant position to land a couple of big hammer fists.
Cartman throwing shots but McDonald is blocking nicely.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Cartman not landing any meaningful shots this time.
Cartman passes to side control.
Cartman misses with the ground and pound.
That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman misses with the ground and pound.
Cartman tries to move into full mount but can't pass McDonald's legs.
McDonald manages to get back to half guard.
Nice strikes from Cartman there.
McDonald is not content to let Cartman control the position.
Cartman throwing punches and elbows but they're not doing any damage.
Cartman is looking for a kimura. It's going to be difficult to finish that from half guard though and McDonald defends it well.
That's four minutes gone in the round.
Cartman lands with a punch from half guard.
Cartman is looking to advance position but McDonald won't allow it.
McDonald has one foot on Cartman's thigh - he pushes off and manages to get back to his feet.
Cartman closes the distance and gets a trip takedown into side control. McDonald quickly recovers to half guard.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Cartman tries to pass the half guard into mount. McDonald knows what he's doing though and prevents the attempt.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Cartman scores with a couple of good hammerfists.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.
Eric Cartman clearly takes that round.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!
McDonald avoids a punch combination nicely.
Cartman bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of McDonald's head.
That's a knee to de groin and it's over and out! Cartman crumples to the ground after an illegal strike from McDonald - the referee stops the clock and Cartman gets 5 minutes to recover from that one. "I'm sorry" says McDonald. Cartman manages to get back to his feet and the fight resumes.
Cartman sees a low kick coming and goes to check it, but it's actually a body kick and it thuds into his unprotected ribs.
McDonald scores with a body shot.
McDonald wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
Cartman ducks down and throws a hook to the body but McDonald moves away.
Cartman tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but McDonald was well out of range. Poor timing from Cartman.
Cartman lands a nice shot to the body.
McDonald scores with a push kick.
McDonald is using his reach advantage to land shots from outside his opponent's range.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Cartman ducks low and lands a nice hook to the body of his opponent.
That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman ducks right into an uppercut from McDonald.
Cartman tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but McDonald was well out of range. Poor timing from Cartman.
McDonald throws a nice looking combination but Cartman bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
McDonald throws a leg kick
and Cartman counters with a shot to the ribs. That looked like it hurt.
McDonald throws a shot to the body.
McDonald fails with an attempt to clinch.
Like a baseball bat into the meat of his leg there - nice leg kick by McDonald.
Both fighters circling a little - McDonald finishes the exchange with a kick to the body.
Cartman on the wrong end of a nice low kick. He's acting like it's no big deal but he doesn't want to take many more of those.
It's got to the stage where if one of these guys blows hard enough, the other might fall over.
McDonald lands an overhand left. A wild punch that just about connected.
McDonald lands a head shot.
That's two minutes gone in the round.
McDonald works his jab well there, keeping his opponent at a distance.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
McDonald has managed to clinch.
A shot in the inside from Cartman.
Cartman takes an elbow to the forehead.
Cartman blocks a body shot from McDonald.
Cartman prevents a body shot from McDonald.
McDonald looks to throw an elbow but misses.
McDonald unloads a knee to the mid-section. Cartman lets out a prehistoric sounding urrrrgh.
McDonald throws a blind hook that connects with the side of Cartmans head.
McDonald connects with a knee to the head.
McDonald can't find room to land a body shot as Cartman controls the action.
Cartman blocks a body shot from McDonald.
Cartman lands a shot to the body.
That's three minutes gone in the round.
McDonald tries a knee to the head but he's missed.
McDonald is trying to wear down his opponent with knees to the body.
Cartman managing to block the knees to the body from McDonald.
Cartman's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
Cartman blocks a punch to the side of the head.
Cartman is trying to pull guard but being pressed up against the cage enables McDonald to keep the fight standing.
Cartman drops down looking for an ankle pick but McDonald pulls his leg out and moves away.
Cartman swings away with a body shot that misses
and McDonald counters with a nice body kick.
McDonald connects with a single shot there.
Cartman lands with a thumping leg kick.
McDonald throws a front kick that sends Cartman stumbling back into the cage.
Cartman tries for a takedown but McDonald sees it coming a mile off and avoids it easily.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Eric Cartman. That's going to take a lot out of him.
That's four minutes gone in the round.
McDonald dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Cartman. That did some damage!
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
McDonald turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Cartman throws a shot from downtown. McDonald moves away and avoids it.
McDonald moves into range and lands a nice body kick.
McDonald scores with a nice right hand.
Cartman is rocked!
McDonald goes for a small jab and connects. Now McDonald goes in closer pressing the issue. Left hook, right straight! Cartman stumbles back but McDonald runs in with a huge uppercut knocking Cartman to the ground! What a finish! You have to wonder if Cartman will ever be the same after a knockout like that.
Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:35 of round 4, we have a winner by way of KO (Punches). Ronald McDonald!
Ronald McDonald took some time post fight to say the following; 'That fat sack of sh*t decided he was gonna call ME out? That was a big f*cking mistake buddy. Why don't you and your slutty mom go back to South Park where you belong, go eat some cheezie poofs and cry about it. F*ck you Eric Cartman! Geezers Palace rules! Goodnight ladies and gentlemen! '.
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| S |
C
A |
G |
S |
C
B |
G |
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S |
C |
G |
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energy
A | B |
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hype
A | B |
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pop
A | B |
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mgr
A | B |
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FIGHT
RATING
88% |
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