|
|
PBP Commentary |
Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Dumbass McWeakhands (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Homer Simpson (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Dumbass McWeakhands could well score a knockout today. He has the power to get to Homer Simpson's chin.
 |
|
 |
| 168 cm
42
158 lbs
43 - 23 - 1 |
|
170 cm
41
156 lbs
46 - 23 - 0 |
Good wrestling
World class boxer
Insanely flexible |
|
Olympic wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank |
|
| |
|
Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of
43 - 23 - 1, fighting out of St Petersburg, Dumbass McWeakhands!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of
46 - 23 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Homer Simpson!
The judges for this bout are Jack Bonds, and Don Winkell.
The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
McWeakhands misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Simpson waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract McWeakhands.
McWeakhands looks to have improved his striking defense since last time we saw him fight.
Simpson connects nicely with a jab. Noted by the judges no doubt.
Simpson missing with a left hand there. McWeakhands was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
McWeakhands lands a leg kick that knocks Simpson off balance momentarily.
Simpson scores with a jab. McWeakhands acknowledges it with a nod of the head.
The fight stays on the outside here - McWeakhands looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
McWeakhands pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
McWeakhands tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Simpson tries to check a leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
McWeakhands throws a head kick that misses.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Simpson throws out a leg kick but McWeakhands moves out of range and Simpson only half commits.
McWeakhands tries to clinch up but Simpson circles away and keeps his distance.
Dumbass McWeakhands seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
McWeakhands swings and misses with a hook to the body.
A slapping body kick lands there for Simpson.
Simpson waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract McWeakhands.
That's one minute gone in the round.
McWeakhands throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
McWeakhands steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Simpson.
Simpson slips in close and lands a nice hook before moving back out of range.
Simpson moves his head to the side to avoid a jab but walks straight into a cross.
McWeakhands looks to score with a jab to the body but Simpson is just out of range.
McWeakhands misses with a body kick.
That's a knee to de groin and it's over and out! McWeakhands crumples to the ground after an illegal strike from Simpson - the referee stops the clock and McWeakhands gets 5 minutes to recover from that one. "I'm sorry" says Simpson. McWeakhands manages to get back to his feet and the fight resumes.
Simpson swings away with a leg kick that misses.
Simpson throws out a loose jab but McWeakhands uses good head movement to avoid it.
Simpson misses with a low kick.
McWeakhands takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
McWeakhands takes an uppercut right on the jaw but it doesn't phase him.
Simpson displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as McWeakhands throws out the jab.
Both fighters circling a little - Simpson finishes the exchange with a kick to the body.
Simpson cracks a nice hook into McWeakhands's ribs.
That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
A nice inside leg kick there by Simpson. That's going to slow McWeakhands down.
McWeakhands is pinned up against the cage taking some big shots here. The referee is looking closely deciding whether he should stop the fight.
Simpson slips under a jab.
Simpson shapes like he's going to throw a leg kick but settles back down.
McWeakhands throws a leg kick but Simpson checks it.
McWeakhands keeping at a good range here, avoiding a leg kick.
Simpson throws a right hand that McWeakhands ducks under and follows up with a left that McWeakhands also avoids with ease.
Simpson throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
McWeakhands connects with a looping right hand.
McWeakhands ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
McWeakhands takes one to the chin there.
Simpson bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
Simpson throws a big shot that misses.
McWeakhands dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Simpson. That did some damage!
Simpson misses with an uppercut. McWeakhands saw that one coming.
That's three minutes gone in the round.
McWeakhands lands a straight punch to the body, keeping Simpson at a distance.
McWeakhands buckles his opponent's knee momentarily with a nice leg kick.
McWeakhands fails in his attempt to clinch.
Simpson feints with a shoulder and throws a nice leg kick to McWeakhands's calf.
Simpson scores with a hook.
Simpson misses with a straight right.
A solid leg kick lands there for McWeakhands.
McWeakhands slips a jab from Simpson.
McWeakhands tries to clinch but Simpson is having none of it.
McWeakhands takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
Simpson throws a quick inside leg kick.
A jab from Simpson finds it's way through McWeakhands's defenses.
Jab by Simpson.
McWeakhands throws a nice hook to the body that draws an oooh from the crowd.
That's four minutes gone in the round.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Simpson moves into range and throws a combination. A nice jab followed by a hook to the body.
McWeakhands throws a quick inside leg kick.
Simpson fakes with the hands and throws a leg kick but McWeakhands is out of range.
McWeakhands tries to clinch up but Simpson circles away and keeps his distance.
McWeakhands misses with a leg kick
and Simpson connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
McWeakhands throws a mid kick that lands with a slap.
McWeakhands with a hook.
McWeakhands tries to clinch but fails miserably
and Simpson counters with a good low kick that McWeakhands was not able to check.
Simpson ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
Simpson avoids the clinch attempt nicely.
McWeakhands lands with a nice body punch.
McWeakhands misses with a low kick.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Simpson swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from McWeakhands lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Simpson has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Simpson and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.
Simpson does a little shimmy and throws a leg kick. The leg kick missed by a considerable margin though, making him look a little bit silly for doing the shimmy.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.
Homer Simpson dominated that round.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action!
McWeakhands tries to clinch but Simpson is having none of it.
Homer Simpson seems to be getting the better of the standup.
A slow jab from Simpson misses its intended target.
Simpson swats away the attempt to clinch by McWeakhands.
Simpson tries to keep at a distance but McWeakhands has taken the fight into the clinch.
Simpson wants to get back to striking at distance but McWeakhands won't allow it.
McWeakhands swings away with an uppercut that misses.
McWeakhands digs a right hand underneath Simpson's ribcage. Simpson let out a lung full of air as it connected.
McWeakhands just leaning against Simpson, taking a breather.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Simpson wants to get back to striking at distance but McWeakhands won't allow it.
A frustrated look appears on Simpson's face as he tries to break the clinch.
Simpson wants to get back to striking at distance but McWeakhands won't allow it.
Simpson is looking to break free of the clinch but McWeakhands has double underhooks.
McWeakhands goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
That's one minute gone in the round.
A short right from McWeakhands on the inside.
McWeakhands scores with a shot to the side of Simpson's head.
A battle for position here, against the cage.
Simpson is looking to break free of the clinch but McWeakhands has double underhooks.
A right hook to the body lands for McWeakhands.
McWeakhands prevents Simpson from breaking the clinch.
McWeakhands working aggressively here.
McWeakhands misses with a hook to the ribs.
Simpson's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
McWeakhands misses with a short punch on the inside.
Simpson tries to break free but McWeakhands pushes him back against the cage.
Simpson blocks a punch to the side of the head.
McWeakhands lands a hook to the side of the head.
Simpson blocks an uppercut.
That's two minutes gone in the round.
Simpson blocks a punch to the side of the head.
Simpson has had enough of the clinch but McWeakhands keeps him there for the moment.
McWeakhands goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
McWeakhands misses with a body punch.
Simpson blocking some punches.
Simpson working hard to break the clinch.
Simpson wants to push off and get back to the center of the mat but McWeakhands has him pressed against the cage.
McWeakhands swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Simpson blocks an uppercut.
McWeakhands tries a body shot but Simpson blocks it.
Simpson blocks a punch to the side of the head.
McWeakhands swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Simpson breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.
McWeakhands tries to close the distance and clinch up but Simpson swats him away and circles back towards the center.
Simpson ducks under a wild hook from McWeakhands.
That's three minutes gone in the round.
The fight stays on the outside here - McWeakhands looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
McWeakhands connects with a hook to the side of his opponent's head.
Simpson misses with an attempted mid kick.
McWeakhands tries to clinch but Simpson is having none of it.
McWeakhands comes forward and lands a shot to the body, then darts back out of range.
Crunch! McWeakhands slams his shin into Simpson's torso.
McWeakhands checks a leg kick nicely.
Nice jab there from Simpson.
Simpson circles away from the clinch attempt.
McWeakhands misses with a kick to the body
and Simpson counters with a nice body kick.
McWeakhands misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Simpson.
Simpson takes a push kick to the midsection and stumbles backwards.
McWeakhands lands a leg kick that knocks Simpson off balance momentarily.
That's four minutes gone in the round.
Simpson circles away from the clinch attempt.
Nice defenses there by Simpson.
McWeakhands is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
A left and a right from McWeakhands both land. Nice combination.
McWeakhands throws a push kick but Simpson slaps the foot to one side.
A cross from Simpson lands.
Simpson misses with a low kick as McWeakhands jumps back.
McWeakhands thows a leg kick but Simpson checks it
and Simpson counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.
A nice combination there by McWeakhands.
Simpson shapes like he's going to throw a leg kick but settles back down.
Some bone on bone action there as McWeakhands checks a low kick. Luckily it wasn't a particularly hard one.
McWeakhands wants to clinch.
Simpson tries to score with a low kick but McWeakhands moves his leg out of the way.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.
Dumbass McWeakhands dominated that second round.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final round!
Simpson misses with a jab, cross combination.
McWeakhands throws a hook to the side of Simpson's head but Simpson sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
McWeakhands pulls out of a head kick attempt.
McWeakhands misses with a few strikes there.
McWeakhands ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Simpson moves away.
McWeakhands is looking to clinch.
Simpson feints with a shoulder and throws a nice leg kick to McWeakhands's calf.
Simpson throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent McWeakhands stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Simpson lands a leg kick. The shin dug right into the meat of the thigh.
Simpson misses with a body shot.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
McWeakhands walks into a left hand.
Simpson throws a leg kick
and McWeakhands counters with a nice body shot.
Simpson throws a hook but McWeakhands blocks it.
Simpson sizes up McWeakhands with a pawing jab and scores with a straight right down the middle.
McWeakhands blocks a leg kick.
That's one minute gone in the round.
Simpson jabbing away but nothing is landing.
McWeakhands looks to land a left hand but Simpson moved out of range nicely.
McWeakhands moves out of range of the leg kick from Simpson.
McWeakhands fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Simpson manages to avoid it.
Simpson walks straight into an uppercut. Luckily it didn't land flush.
Nice shot lands for McWeakhands.
A punch lands to the side of Simpson 's head but he takes it in his stride.
McWeakhands moves in looking to clinch but Simpson pushes him off.
McWeakhands throws a push kick but Simpson slaps the foot to one side.
Simpson looks to land a left hand but McWeakhands moved out of range nicely.
Simpson missing with a left hand there. McWeakhands was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
McWeakhands connects with a looping right hand.
A bone on bone clash there as Simpson blocks the leg kick.
That's two minutes gone in the round.
Simpson scoring well with a low kick there.
McWeakhands chopping away at his opponent's legs.
McWeakhands tries a low kick but Simpson avoids it.
Nice defenses there by McWeakhands.
McWeakhands ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Simpson moves away.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
McWeakhands slips under a jab.
McWeakhands takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
Simpson getting the better of the striking in that exchange.
McWeakhands takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
McWeakhands tries to clinch but Simpson moves out of range.
Simpson lands a nice shot to the body.
Simpson just misses with a punch to the body.
Nice defenses there by McWeakhands.
Simpson tried to score with a low kick but McWeakhands checks it.
That's three minutes gone in the round.
McWeakhands scores with a head kick. Simpson tried to block it but didn't get his arm up in time.
McWeakhands takes a step back and watches a body kick go sailing past his mid section.
McWeakhands will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.
McWeakhands checks a low kick from Simpson.
Simpson throws a body punch but McWeakhands moves out of range.
McWeakhands throws a predictable looking body shot
and Simpson counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
McWeakhands tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
McWeakhands lands a high kick!
Simpson keeps the fight on the outside.
McWeakhands clobbers Simpson with an overhand right that has the crowd gasping. That made a horrendous noise.
Simpson throws a body punch but McWeakhands moves out of range.
Simpson throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Simpson lands the left hand.
That's four minutes gone in the round.
Simpson throws a feint and then finishes with a kick to the body.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
McWeakhands misses with a body shot.
McWeakhands getting the better of the striking in that exchange.
Simpson pushes McWeakhands away with a front kick.
Simpson connects with a lovely jab that went straight through the gap between McWeakhands's hands.
Simpson jabbing away but nothing is landing.
McWeakhands slips under a jab from Simpson.
McWeakhands staying out of range there.
McWeakhands checks a low kick from Simpson.
Simpson gets cracked there but stands up to it.
Simpson circles away from the clinch attempt.
Simpson throws a low kick but McWeakhands moves out of range easily.
McWeakhands looks to score with a jab to the body but Simpson is just out of range.
And that's the end of the fight!
Homer Simpson comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
I think Simpson has won this one but let's see whether the judges agree with me. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.
Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Jack Bonds scores the fight 28:29
Judge Percy O'Donnell scores the fight 28:29
Judge Don Winkell scores the fight 28:29
In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Homer Simpson!
Our winner, Homer Simpson, made sure he spent some time buttering up the crowd during his post fight interview, which will no doubt bring him a few more fans.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| S |
C
A |
G |
S |
C
B |
G |
|
S |
C |
G |
|
energy
A | B |
|
hype
A | B |
|
pop
A | B |
|
mgr
A | B |
|
FIGHT
RATING
38% |
|
|
|
|
|
|
