PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Juris Dicktion (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Kevin Killjoy (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Kevin Killjoy is staring across the cage at his opponent, tweaking his nipples.

Dicktion
vs
Killjoy

180 cm
32
260 lbs
14 - 14 - 0

183 cm
30
195 lbs
16 - 16 - 2

Good wrestling
World class MT
Insanely flexible

Good wrestler
World class boxer
Good gas tank

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 14 - 14 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Juris Dicktion!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 16 - 16 - 2, fighting out of Las Vegas, Kevin Killjoy!
The judges for this bout are Cecil Peabody, George Francis and Robert Twigg.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!

Killjoy clinches up against the cage.
Killjoy is trying to break free.
Dicktion utilising his Muay Thai to score with a knee to the body.
Dicktion throws a vicious knee straight up the middle but Killjoy blocks it with crossed arms.
Dicktion with a knee to the head.

It looks like Kevin Killjoy has been cut.
Killjoy takes a shot to the head.
Dicktion misses with a knee to the head.
Dicktion misses with a knee strike.
Dicktion with a knee to the head.
Dicktion with a knee to the head.
Killjoy trying to stall but Dicktion improves his position.
Dicktion throws a head punch that misses.
Dicktion being controlled against the cage.
Dicktion swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.

Killjoy breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Dicktion looks to land a body kick but Killjoy moved away.

That's one minute gone in the round.

Killjoy forces Dicktion back against the cage and clinches.
Dicktion lands a good knee to the midsection. Killjoy won't want to take too many of those.
Dicktion tries a knee to the head but Killjoy blocks it.
Killjoy has thrown a lot of knees so far in this fight and we're lead to believe that's something he's been working on the gym prior to this fight.
Killjoy tries to break free but Dicktion pushes him back against the cage.
Dicktion tries to land a knee to the head but Killjoy blocks with his arms.
Dicktion using the Thai plumb to throw knees but Killjoy has his back arched nicely, preventing the strike.
Killjoy is trying to break free.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Killjoy.
Killjoy is trying to slow down the pace of the fight but Dicktion is keeping busy.
Dicktion trying to land knees to the body.
A knee to the head by Dicktion.
Dicktion putting his Muay Thai to good use. He has Killjoy in a tight clinch and is doing some damage with knees to the body.
Killjoy managing to block the knees to the body from Dicktion.
Killjoy wants to get back to striking at distance but Dicktion won't allow it.
Killjoy is trying to break free.

Killjoy breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Killjoy misses with a wild combination.
Killjoy works Dicktion's body with a nice hook.
Killjoy throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Dicktion takes a kick to the side of the head.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Dicktion thuds his shin into the meat of Killjoy's side.
Dicktion moves out of range as Killjoy throws a body kick.
Dicktion tries to land a front kick but Killjoy steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.

Killjoy has Dicktion up against the cage in a clinch.

Killjoy escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.
No luck for Killjoy with that takedown attempt.
Dicktion avoids the head kick by Killjoy.
Dicktion avoids the head kick by Killjoy.
Thud! ouch! good body kick from Killjoy - that will leave a mark!
Killjoy misses with a kick to the body
and Dicktion finishes the little exchange by landing a big kick to the body.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dicktion keeps the fight standing with a nice sprawl.
A chopping leg kick lands by Dicktion.
Dicktion tries to clinch but Killjoy is having none of it.

Killjoy rushes Dicktion and presses him up against the cage.
Killjoy is trying to maintain a safe position but Dicktion gets an underhook and turns Killjoy into the cage.
Dicktion with an attempt at a knee that misses.
Dicktion tries a body shot but Killjoy blocks it.

Killjoy breaks the clinch.
Killjoy pulls out of a head kick attempt.
We've been told by Dicktion's head coaches at Tres Puntos FC that he's been working on his takedown defense in preparation for this fight.
Dicktion throws out a token jab with nothing on it.

Killjoy gets a clinch.
A bit of stalling here from Killjoy.
Dicktion misses with some punches.
Killjoy wants to break the clinch but can't.
Dicktion blocks an elbow strike from Killjoy.
Dicktion looking to throw knees to the head but Killjoy is blocking nicely.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Killjoy tries to throw a body punch but Dicktion avoids it by throwing Killjoy back against the cage.
Dicktion goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
Killjoy is trying to slow down the pace in the clinch, to catch his breath.
Dicktion throws a vicious knee straight up the middle but Killjoy blocks it with crossed arms.
Killjoy taking a breather.
Killjoy takes a knee to the side of the body.
Dicktion using the Thai plumb to throw knees but Killjoy has his back arched nicely, preventing the strike.
Killjoy managing to block the knees to the body from Dicktion.
Killjoy is trying to slow down the pace in the clinch, to catch his breath.
Killjoy managing to block the knees to the body from Dicktion.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Dicktion lands with a right to the head.
Dicktion utilising his Muay Thai to score with a knee to the body.
Killjoy looks winded!
Dicktion misses with a knee to the head.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Juris Dicktion dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Kevin Killjoy's cut.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action!

Dicktion throws a head kick that misses.
A telegraphed takedown attempt from Killjoy is defended easily by Dicktion.
Killjoy takes a head kick and keeps coming.

Killjoy clinches.
Killjoy is leaning against Dicktion and scores with a nice uppercut to the body.
Killjoy wants to push off and get back to the center of the mat but Dicktion has him pressed against the cage.
Dicktion scores a nice knee to the body.
Dicktion tries a knee to the head but Killjoy blocks it.
Dicktion looking to throw knees to the head but Killjoy is blocking nicely.
Dicktion keeps control of Killjoy as he tries to wriggle out of the double underhooks.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Killjoy taking a breather.
Killjoy is breathing heavily.
Dicktion misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Dicktion looking to throw knees to the head but Killjoy is blocking nicely.
Killjoy lands an elbow that stopped Dicktion in his tracks for a moment.
Dicktion lands a knee to the head.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Killjoy is trying to force a seperation but Dicktion has the dominant position.
Killjoy is trying to force a seperation but Dicktion has the dominant position.
Dicktion tries a body shot but Killjoy blocks it.
Dicktion misses with a hook to the ribs.
Killjoy wants to break the clinch but can't.
Dicktion tries to land knees in the clinch but Killjoy avoids the damage to the body.
Dicktion tries a knee to the head but he's missed.
Dicktion looking to throw knees to the head but Killjoy is blocking nicely.
Dicktion misses with a hook to the ribs.
Dicktion with the Thai clinch. He's looking to land a big knee but he's not managed it this time.
Killjoy missing with knees to the body.
Dicktion takes an elbow to the forehead.

It looks like Juris Dicktion has been cut.
Killjoy is trying to break free.
Killjoy blocks a punch to the side of the head.
Dicktion using the Thai clinch to land knees to the body.
Dicktion misses with a knee strike.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Dicktion prevents a body shot from Killjoy.
Dicktion tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.
Killjoy wants to break the clinch but can't.
Killjoy is trying to push Dicktion away but Dicktion has him pressed against the cage, so he's going nowhere.
Dicktion misses the knee to the body. Nice hip positioning from Killjoy.
Dicktion landing some nice looking knees to the body.
Killjoy tries to break free but Dicktion pushes him back against the cage.
Killjoy lands a shoulder strike.
A short uppercut from Dicktion.
Dicktion digs a right hand into Killjoy's ribs. Those have got to be taking their toll on Killjoy's gas tank.
Dicktion is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Killjoy can do to turn this around?
Killjoy looking to slow down the pace here.
Dicktion misses with a knee strike.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
The pace really dropping off here, momentarily.
Killjoy blocking some punches.
Juris Dicktion has scored more points in the clinch so far.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dicktion throws a knee to the head but misses.
Killjoy on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Dicktion with an attempt at a knee that misses.
Dicktion misses with a knee strike.
A quick uppercut on the inside from Killjoy.
Killjoy lands on the inside with an uppercut.
Dicktion tries to land a knee to the body but he is off balance and Killjoy avoids it.
Killjoy throws a punch but it's blocked by Dicktion.

Killjoy manages to break the clinch.

Killjoy closes the distance and pushes Dicktion back into the cage.

Killjoy breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.
Dicktion throws a mid kick that lands with a slap.
Dicktion fakes low and throws an overhand right that catches Killjoy on the side of the head.

Killjoy closes the distance and looks for a trip takedown... aaaand he's got it - Killjoy lands in his opponent's guard.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Dicktion wants to stand and escape but Killjoy is having none of it.
Killjoy trying to control but Dicktion is working from the bottom.
Killjoy slows down the pace of the fight, as he sits in guard.
Killjoy won't allow Dicktion to sweep him here.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Juris Dicktion dominated that second round.
Both fighters have cut men working on them during the interval.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action! This is the final round!

Dicktion wants to clinch up but Killjoy keeps it at a distance.

Killjoy clinches up with Dicktion and pushes him back against the cage.
Killjoy is trying to slow down the pace in the clinch, to catch his breath.
Dicktion lands a knee to the body.
Killjoy swings wildly with an uppercut but Dicktion uses good head movement to avoid it.
Dicktion connects with a knee to the head.
Dicktion scores a nice knee to the body.
Killjoy avoiding damage as Dicktion throws knees to the body.
Killjoy takes a shot to the head.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Dicktion tries a knee to the head but he's missed.
Killjoy takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.
Killjoy misses with some punches.
Dicktion missing with knees to the body.

Killjoy breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.
Dicktion finds nothing but air with that leg kick attempt.
Killjoy fails with the takedown

and Dicktion moves into the clinch.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Killjoy goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
Dicktion tries to land a knee to the head but misses.
Killjoy is looking to break free of the clinch but Dicktion has double underhooks.
Killjoy misses with a body punch.
Killjoy is trying to break the clinch but Dicktion has him pressed against the cage.
With the fighters up against the cage, Killjoy throws an elbow but misses.
Dicktion lands a body punch - he's looking to wear down Killjoy.
Killjoy is looking to control Dicktion's arms but Dicktion gets an underhook and turns him. Now Killjoy has his back to the cage.
Killjoy wants to break free but Dicktion has control.
Killjoy is trying to work out of this bad position, with his back against the cage.
Killjoy is trying to force a seperation but Dicktion has the dominant position.
Dicktion throws a vicious knee straight up the middle but Killjoy blocks it with crossed arms.
Killjoy is pushing Dicktion up against the cage, for a bit of lean and pray action. Action being used the in the loosest possible sense of the word.

Killjoy breaks from the clinch.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Dicktion checks a low kick from Killjoy.
Dicktion misses with a low kick.
Killjoy keeps the fight on the outside.
Kevin Killjoy has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Dicktion misses with an attempted mid kick.
Dicktion throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
A jab from Killjoy finds it's way through Dicktion's defenses.
Kevin Killjoy seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Killjoy cracks the inside of Dicktion's front leg.
Killjoy misses with a leg kick.
Killjoy stalks Dicktion and leaps in with a furious combination of punches. Uppercuts and crosses smash into Dicktion's face. Dicktion staggers backwards, shaken.
Killjoy scores with the left hand. Dicktion knows he should have avoided that one.
Dicktion tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Killjoy ducks under a wild hook from Dicktion.
Kevin Killjoy is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
Killjoy fails with a rather predictable takedown attempt.
Killjoy fails with a rather predictable takedown attempt.
Juris Dicktion has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Kevin Killjoy.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Dicktion throws a head kick that half lands.

That has opened up Kevin Killjoy's cut even more.
Dicktion blocks a head kick by Killjoy.
Dicktion throws a body punch but Killjoy moves out of range.
Killjoy takes a shot right to the liver - Bas would have been proud of that punch.

Killjoy clinches.
Killjoy's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
Dicktion tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Killjoy's elbow.
Dicktion misses with a knee to the head.
Killjoy wants to break free. God knows he wants to breaaaak freeee.
Killjoy stalling against the cage.
Killjoy tries to break free but Dicktion pushes him back against the cage.
Dicktion misses with a knee to the head.

Killjoy breaks from the clinch.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Killjoy thows a body kick. Dicktion tries to catch it but that hurt him.

Killjoy clinches up with Dicktion and pushes him back against the cage.
Dicktion cracks Killjoy with a nice body shot.
Dicktion misses with a knee to the head.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Dicktion with the Thai clinch. He's looking to land a big knee but he's not managed it this time.
Dicktion is looking to score with knees to the body. Maybe he'll change it up and go body then head. Killjoy is defending well for now.

Killjoy escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.

Killjoy closes the distance and clinches.

Killjoy breaks from the clinch.

Killjoy rushes Dicktion and presses him up against the cage.
Dicktion using the Thai plumb to throw knees but Killjoy has his back arched nicely, preventing the strike.
Dicktion with the Thai clinch. He's looking to land a big knee but he's not managed it this time.
Dicktion throws a knee to the head but misses.
Juris Dicktion is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Good body shot from Killjoy.
Dicktion being controlled against the cage.

And that's the end of the fight!
That was a close round. You could make an argument for either fighter but I would give it to Juris Dicktion.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Dicktion, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Cecil Peabody scores the fight 29:28
Judge George Francis scores the fight 30:28
Judge Robert Twigg scores the fight 30:28

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Juris Dicktion!
Juris Dicktion spent the whole post fight interview bigging himself up. It didn't go down that well with the fans after a while as they thought it was a bit arrogant.