PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Baddusousus Fatherfockerusus (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Rab Rehab (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Fatherfockerusus comes to the cage accompanied by Born to be wild by Steppenwolf. Rehab has chosen saturday nights alright for fighting as his entrance music. Rumors backstage are that the fighters have been paid to keep it standing but we know that would never happen in MMA!

Fatherfockerusus
vs
Rehab

186 cm
37
176 lbs
31 - 19 - 0

185 cm
36
177 lbs
26 - 19 - 0

Good wrestling
Excellent boxer
Very quick

Good wrestler
Excellent boxer
Heavy handed

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 31 - 19 - 0, fighting out of London, Baddusousus Fatherfockerusus!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 26 - 19 - 0, fighting out of Sydney, Rab Rehab!
The judges for this bout are Skip Squint, John Mangel and Donatello Bradman.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Fatherfockerusus connects with a hook to the side of his opponent's head.

Fatherfockerusus throws the overhand right but ducks down into a quick takedown attempt. Rehab was covering up waiting for the punch and Fatherfockerusus finishes the takedown easily into guard.
Rehab keeping moving, preventing Fatherfockerusus from controlling successfully.

Rehab is working actively off his back, looking to secure an arm or perhaps work for a triangle.
Fatherfockerusus in full guard, throwing the ground and pound. No damage this time.
Fatherfockerusus showing good wrestling skills to control the position.

Rehab is working actively off his back, looking to secure an arm or perhaps work for a triangle.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Fatherfockerusus keeps in close for a moment and lands a decent shot to the side of Rehab's head.
Rehab keeping moving, preventing Fatherfockerusus from controlling successfully.
Fatherfockerusus throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.
Fatherfockerusus throwing strikes from guard but Rehab blocks nicely.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fatherfockerusus throwing strikes from guard but Rehab blocks nicely.

Fatherfockerusus got a little sloppy there for a moment and Rehab has worked his way into a loose triangle - can he finish it?! No, Fatherfockerusus has managed to get both his arms back between Rehab's legs - danger averted.
Fatherfockerusus lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.
Fatherfockerusus with a nice head shot there.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Fatherfockerusus trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Fatherfockerusus with a couple of shots to the head there. Not particularly brutal.
Rehab manages to sweep nicely, so he's now on top. Fatherfockerusus manages to get himself to full guard.

Fatherfockerusus working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from Rehab.
Rehab pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Fatherfockerusus is keeping the position for now.
Fatherfockerusus controls Rehab momentarily but Rehab frees himself.
Rehab wants to get up but he can't break Fatherfockerusus's closed guard. He needs to be careful trying to break the legs open, as he's open to submissions here.
Rehab looking to pass the guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

The fighters are starting to get a bit slippery now, which will make submissions a bit more difficult.
Fatherfockerusus has his foot on Rehab's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. Rehab works his way back into a safe position though.
Rehab in full guard, throwing the ground and pound. No damage this time.
Rehab is frustrating his opponent with some stalling tactics from top position.
Fatherfockerusus looking to control.
Rehab trying to control the position from guard on top but Fatherfockerusus is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.

Rehab got a little sloppy there for a moment and Fatherfockerusus has worked his way into a loose triangle - can he finish it?! No, Rehab has managed to get both his arms back between Fatherfockerusus's legs - danger averted.
Fatherfockerusus controls Rehab momentarily but Rehab frees himself.
Rehab trying to control the position from guard on top but Fatherfockerusus is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Fatherfockerusus working from the bottom, still in full guard. He's managed to get a loose triangle. Rehab doesn't seem to be doing much to defend here, obviously he feels comfortable in the position. Rehab manages to throw the legs off his shoulder and he's back into guard - no problem.
Rehab throws a big elbow that misses.

Fatherfockerusus looking for submissions from the bottom here. Moving his hips around, possibly looking for an armbar.
Rehab postures up and scores with a shot to the body and a follow up elbow to the head.
Rehab stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Fatherfockerusus swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Rehab postures up in Fatherfockerusus's guard and throws a big left but Fatherfockerusus blocks it.
Rehab stands and throws Fatherfockerusus's legs to the side, diving into side control.
You can see the frustration on Fatherfockerusus's face, being in this tough position on the bottom.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Rehab in side control lands a nice looking series of punches and elbows.
Fatherfockerusus tries to buck Rehab off but Rehab is having none of it.
Rehab has the superior BJJ but he's also working some ground strikes into his gameplan.
Fatherfockerusus struggling a bit here.
Rehab throws an elbow but Fatherfockerusus slips to the side and avoids it well.
Rehab throwing shots but missing, from side control.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Fatherfockerusus taking a bit of punishment here - Rehab scoring with strikes.
Fatherfockerusus is looking to regain half guard here but Rehab keeps moving and retains side control.
Fatherfockerusus takes a big shot right to the temple there but he's taken it well.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close round but Rab Rehab will probably get the nod.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

A big right from Fatherfockerusus misses.
Rehab misses with a left hand
and Fatherfockerusus counters with a nice jab to the body that keeps Rehab thinking.
Fatherfockerusus checks a low kick from Rehab.

Fatherfockerusus shoots in and gets a takedown into Rehab's guard.
Rehab wants to sweep but no luck.
Fatherfockerusus postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.
Rehab looking to sweep here. No luck so far.
Fatherfockerusus postures up and scores with a shot to the body and a follow up elbow to the head.
Rehab keeping moving, preventing Fatherfockerusus from controlling successfully.

Rehab looking for a guillotine here but Fatherfockerusus defends easily.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Fatherfockerusus lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Fatherfockerusus controlling from the guard. I say controlling but really, he's stalling.
Fatherfockerusus stands up over Rehab, holding his feet. He dives back in and lands a decent shot to the head.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fatherfockerusus works over Rehab with some ground and pound from guard.
Fatherfockerusus in full guard, throwing the ground and pound. No damage this time.
Fatherfockerusus lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.

Rehab is active off his back here, looking for submissions.
Fatherfockerusus trying to control but Rehab is working from the bottom.
Fatherfockerusus is looking to work some ground and pound but Rehab has wrist control.
Fatherfockerusus trying to control the position from guard on top but Rehab is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Fatherfockerusus throwing strikes from guard but Rehab blocks nicely.

Rehab throwing his legs up looking for a triangle.
Fatherfockerusus with a flurry of punches that miss.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Rehab working for a triangle but Fatherfockerusus defends it easily.

Rehab has his foot on Fatherfockerusus's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. Fatherfockerusus works his way back into a safe position though.
Fatherfockerusus lands a couple of decent looking shots.

Rehab is throwing his legs up, looking for submissions. Fatherfockerusus is aware though and is defending well.
Baddusousus Fatherfockerusus overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.
Fatherfockerusus content to strike from guard, landing some decent shots.
Fatherfockerusus advances position into side control!
Fatherfockerusus lands a knee to the body and a forearm to the face.
Fatherfockerusus is working Rehab over with some ground and pound from side control.
Rehab on the wrong end of some ground and pound.

Rehab is rocked!

Fatherfockerusus tries for a kimura. Not really close to a finish though.
Rehab is still in real trouble! Can Fatherfockerusus finish him?
Fatherfockerusus cracks Rehab with a big elbow. Oh, he's hurt! Fatherfockerusus immediately mounts and start dropping bombs! Rehab is done! The referee jumps in and saves him from any more punishment - a quick and decisive finish by Fatherfockerusus!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:56 of round 2, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Baddusousus Fatherfockerusus!
After winning the bout, Baddusousus Fatherfockerusus thanked all his fans and promised he'd do even better in his next fight. The crowd seemed to love his humility.