PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Mika Saarenpaa (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Turd Anderson (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). There are an array of beautiful celebrities at ringside tonight! I wonder if any of them paid for their tickets.

Saarenpaa
vs
Anderson

183 cm
24
176 lbs
8 - 2 - 0

180 cm
33
184 lbs
24 - 16 - 3

Good wrestling
World class MT
Insanely flexible

Excellent grappler
World class boxer
Granite chin

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Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the welterweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 8 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Mika Saarenpaa!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 24 - 16 - 3, fighting out of Helsinki, Turd Anderson!
The judges for this bout are Tarja Halkonen, Anni Minnemäki and Ben Zyskovitsi.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Anderson throws a body shot but no joy.
Anderson connects with a lovely jab that went straight through the gap between Saarenpaa's hands.
Saarenpaa tries to score with an inside leg kick but telegraphs it and Anderson is able to avoid easily.
Anderson misses the jab.
Ouch! a nice leg kick from Saarenpaa, right into the meat.
Saarenpaa misses with a body shot.
Saarenpaa swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Saarenpaa throws a body kick that misses
and Anderson counters nicely by changing levels and landing a hook to the body.
Anderson scores with a shot to the body.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
A shot to the body from Saarenpaa misses
and Anderson counters with a stiff right hand.
Saarenpaa looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.
Anderson connects with the punch.
Anderson will have to do better than that with his takedown attempts.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Saarenpaa looks to score with a jab to the body but Anderson is just out of range.
Saarenpaa takes a shot right to the liver - Bas would have been proud of that punch.
Anderson stuns Saarenpaa with a nice body shot, before stepping back out of range.
Anderson swings for the body but Saarenpaa moves out of range.
Good shot there by Anderson.
Saarenpaa misses with a head kick.
Saarenpaa misses with a looping left.
Nice sprawl there from Saarenpaa as Anderson shoots in.
Saarenpaa connects with a leg kick. He turned his hip over nicely there.
Saarenpaa tries to land a front kick but Anderson steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.
Saarenpaa ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
Good leg kick by Saarenpaa there. It's the ones that make that thud noise that hurt and that was an almighty thud.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Saarenpaa attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.
Anderson drops down looking to force a counter takedown but Saarenpaa defends it well.
Saarenpaa dodges the punch combination from Anderson.

Anderson drops down and drives through with a powerful takedown into guard.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Anderson preventing the sweep.
Saarenpaa pulls Anderson in close to his closed guard and prevents Anderson from doing any damage or advancing position.
Anderson looking to pass the guard.
A big thud reverberates around the arena there as Anderson accidentally thumps the mat. Hopefully he's not broken his hand.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Anderson thinks about going for a leg but decides against it, in order to maintain the position.
Anderson sneaks a leg through and gets to half guard. That was like a knife through butter how easily he passed Saarenpaa's guard.
Anderson passes to full mount!
Anderson thowing strikes but they're hitting the gloves, not doing any damage.
Anderson looking to finish with strikes here!
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Anderson tries to control but Saarenpaa wriggling away.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Anderson wants to finish this one by submission but Saarenpaa is holding onto his waist, trying to prevent any attacks from Anderson.
Anderson tries to control but Saarenpaa wriggling away.
Anderson sends his fist crashing into the mat - the crowd let out a collective ooooooh. Let's hope he's not broken it!
Anderson looking to control but Saarenpaa is working nicely, looking to advance position himself.
Anderson landing strikes from the mount and Saarenpaa is in trouble!
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Turd Anderson dominated that round.
The fighters get back to their feet, the hooter sounds and we're back to the action!

Saarenpaa defending well as Anderson loads up on a big left hand.
Saarenpaa takes a punch to the jaw and another one to the bread basket.
Anderson throws a looping overhand right but Saarenpaa ducks down to avoid it.
A telegraphed right hand from Saarenpaa misses the target.
Anderson looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Anderson lands a right hook to the body.
Saarenpaa takes one on the chin but seems OK.
Anderson cracks a nice hook into Saarenpaa's ribs.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Saarenpaa misses with a right hand

and Anderson counters with a shoot takedown. Saarenpaa fights it but they end up in guard.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Saarenpaa avoiding any damage from the ground and pound.
Saarenpaa keeping full guard, as Anderson tries to pass.
Saarenpaa knows he needs to get back to his feet asap. He's simply no match for Anderson on the ground.
The fighters are starting to get a bit slippery now, which will make submissions a bit more difficult.
Anderson trying to control the position from guard on top but Saarenpaa is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Anderson postures up in Saarenpaa's guard and throws a big left but Saarenpaa blocks it.
Anderson lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.
Anderson trying to move into half guard but instead Saarenpaa has managed to sweep!

Turd Anderson has got the better of the ground game so far.
Anderson lands a beautiful sweep and he's now moved into his opponent's guard.

Anderson lands a couple of digs.
Anderson passes into half guard.
Saarenpaa is looking to improve his position.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Anderson wants to free his trapped foot but Saarenpaa is holding on for dear life with his legs.
Saarenpaa is looking to get back to full guard here but Anderson has managed to pass to side control instead.
Saarenpaa takes a nasty elbow to the side of the head.
Anderson in side control lands a nice looking series of punches and elbows.
Anderson sitting in side control, looking to soften his opponent up with elbows and hammerfists but Saarenpaa is avoiding damage well and looking to escape the position.
Saarenpaa on his back here. We all know that wrestlers don't like being on their back so let's see if Saarenpaa tries to get out of the position.
Saarenpaa is working to avoid the ground and pound but Anderson connects with a decent elbow.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Anderson looking to punish the body of his opponent here but Saarenpaa is avoiding damage well.
Anderson misses with a strike but at least he's keeping busy, looking to cause some damage - that will still help him when it comes to the judges scorecards.

Anderson is working for what looks like an arm triangle here. Saarenpaa is trying to escape and Anderson transitions quickly into an armbar! He's slapped it on tight and Saarenpaa is forced to tap! Nice work there by Anderson! Very nice indeed!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:30 of round 2, we have a winner by way of Submission (Armbar). Turd Anderson!
Turd Anderson is the new welterweight champion!
Turd Anderson seemed lost for words in his post fight interview but he remembered to thank his fans and directed everyone to his website.