PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Katuro Tisoaka (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Douche Pillowhands (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Tisoaka comes to the cage accompanied by Festivo. Well, I have no idea who's going to take this one!

Tisoaka
vs
Pillowhands

169 cm
32
184 lbs
17 - 10 - 0

175 cm
33
172 lbs
22 - 20 - 1

Abu Dhabi Champ
Excellent boxer
Cardio machine

Good wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank

Zenith Nutrition (160q/225$)

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 17 - 10 - 0, fighting out of Tokyo, Katuro Tisoaka!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 22 - 20 - 1, fighting out of Los Angeles, Douche Pillowhands!
The judges for this bout are Alan Glass, Gwen Towbar and Stewart Dunkirk.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!

Tisoaka manages to get an easy takedown there - catching Pillowhands on his heels. He'll look to pass Pillowhands's guard now, I'm sure.
Pillowhands wants to control here, rather than go for any submissions from the bottom. At least for now.
Tisoaka is intent on slowing down the pace of the fight, simply looking to control.
Tisoaka trying to control the position from guard on top but Pillowhands is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Pillowhands can't do much from the bottom at the moment, as Tisoaka controls the pace.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Pillowhands looking to control the pace of the fight rather than finish it.
Tisoaka controls from within his opponent's guard.

The ref stands the fighters back up due to a lack of activity.

Tisoaka throws a loose over hand right and dives in with a double leg takedown. Pillowhands tries to sprawl but it's too late and the fighters hit the mat. Tisoaka is in Pillowhands's guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Pillowhands pulls Tisoaka in close to prevent any damage.
Tisoaka sitting in guard, not really doing much.
Pillowhands is pulling down on Tisoaka's head to control his posture.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Tisoaka is taking a break and basically stalling. The referee will not allow him to do that for long.
Pillowhands pulls Tisoaka in close to his closed guard and prevents Tisoaka from doing any damage or advancing position.

The referee has decided to stand the fighters back up, so we'll restart on the feet.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.

Tisoaka looking to shoot here. He's gone for it and he's landed a takedown into side control! Oh, that's bad for Pillowhands!
Tisoaka tries to advance to mount but Pillowhands denies him.
Pillowhands is being controlled here.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
A bit of a lull in the action here.
We could do with one of the fighters taking the initiative a bit more on the ground - they're both waiting to capitalize on a mistake.
You can see the frustration on Pillowhands's face, being in this tough position on the bottom.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Katuro Tisoaka dominated that round.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action!

Tisoaka shoots in with a lovely double leg takedown. Pillowhands manages to land in full guard to minimise the damage.
Pillowhands is pulling down on Tisoaka's head. It's preventing any offense from Tisoaka, at least for the moment.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Pillowhands being controlled here, momentarily.
Pillowhands is avoiding any damage by keeping wrist control.
Pillowhands wants to control but instead he gets his guard passed and Tisoaka is now in half guard.
Pillowhands desperately trying to maintain half guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are hurling abuse towards the fighters... You can hardly blame them though because there isn't a lot going on in the fight.
Pillowhands has no desire to be mounted, so is trying to control. Tisoaka is working away from the top position though.

The referee has decided to stand the fighters back up, so we'll restart on the feet.

Tisoaka looking for a takedown here - he's got it.
Pillowhands pulls Tisoaka in close to prevent any damage.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Pillowhands working a defensive guard but Tisoaka manages to pass into side control anyway.
Tisoaka tries to advance to mount but can't.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Pillowhands tries to work a leg under to get back to half guard but Tisoaka wriggles his own leg back out and remains in side control.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Neither fighter has done anything of merit for a good minute or two here and the crowd are not happy about it.
Tisoaka tries to advance to mount but can't.
You can see the frustration on Pillowhands's face, being in this tough position on the bottom.
Pillowhands trying to remain calm as Tisoaka controls from the top position.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Pillowhands tries to slip a leg under to move to half guard but Tisoaka presses down on the leg and jumps into full mount!
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Katuro Tisoaka dominated that second round.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the cage so we can get back down to business. This is the final round!

Tisoaka scores with a nice takedown into half guard. Let's see what he's got on the ground.
Tisoaka is thwarting Pillowhands's attempts to control the position.
Pillowhands is looking to regain full guard. Not this time though.
Tisoaka is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Pillowhands can do to turn this around?
Pillowhands is holding on to half guard well.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Tisoaka is looking for the mount but instead finds himself back in full guard.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Tisoaka is pushing down on Pillowhands's leg trying to pass to half guard. Pillowhands is fighting to maintain full guard but Tisoaka has managed to sneak the leg through.
Tisoaka tries to pass the half guard into mount. Pillowhands knows what he's doing though and prevents the attempt.
Pillowhands is trying is best to control the position here.
Let's hope that Pillowhands has the urge to step up the pace any second now because for the last 15 or 20 seconds he's just been holding on tight.
If this pace continues, the referee will definitely step in and force a standup.
Tisoaka not doing much here.

The referee has decided to stand the fighters back up, so we'll restart on the feet.
Douche Pillowhands has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Well. There's a bit of a lull in the action here and the crowd are starting to get restless.

Tisoaka drives through with a really nice takedown into side control.
A bit of a lull in the action. I'm sure it will pick up again soon... even if the ref has to physically pick them up and put them back on their feet.
Tisoaka has controlled the position for a good 20 seconds, which will no doubt be starting to frustrate his opponent.
Pillowhands is not content to let Tisoaka control the position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Pillowhands prevents Tisoaka from moving into mount.
A lull in the action here.
Katuro Tisoaka is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are starting to boo a lack of action.

The referee has motioned to the fighters to stand back up. He just wasn't happy with the level of activity.

Tisoaka scores with a nice takedown into half guard. Let's see what he's got on the ground.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!

The fighters are starting to get a bit slippery now, which will make submissions a bit more difficult.
Pillowhands is looking to sinch up a guillotine here but Tisoaka pulls his head out easily.

Pillowhands looking for submissions from an awkward position here.

And that's the end of the fight!
Katuro Tisoaka showed his dominance in that final round.
Well Tisoaka has outscored his opponent in every aspect of the fight today. Only a scarily incompetent judge or two will keep him from a well deserved win... Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Alan Glass scores the fight 30:26
Judge Gwen Towbar scores the fight 30:26
Judge Stewart Dunkirk scores the fight 30:26

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Katuro Tisoaka!
A loyal slave to those sponsorship dollars, Katuro Tisoaka made sure he mentioned Quick & Easy Laundry, along with how happy he was to win his fight.
In defeat, Douche Pillowhands stepped up to the mic, saying 'I'm not sure where to go from here? Do I keep fighting?'.