PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Hershel Hasselhoff (ranked 7169 p4p, 600 weight class) and Dick Johnson (ranked 8941 p4p, 648 weight class). Johnson has chosen What What (In the Butt) by Samwell as his entrance music. Hershel Hasselhoff has a significant reach advantage - let's see if he can make it count.

Hasselhoff
vs
Johnson

180 cm
25
175 lbs
2 - 3 - 0

159 cm
18
175 lbs
0 - 2 - 0

BJJ Purple Belt
Counter fighter
Granite chin

BJJ Blue Belt
Basic striking
Likes musicals

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 2 - 3 - 0, fighting out of New York, Hershel Hasselhoff!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 0 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Los Angeles, Dick Johnson!
The judges for this bout are Robert Douchet, Dillan Fox and Ian Loll.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!

Johnson shoots in and gets a takedown into Hasselhoff's guard.
Johnson is frustrating his opponent with some stalling tactics from top position.
Johnson pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Hasselhoff is keeping the position for now.
Johnson seems content to control from guard here. He's going to have to remain active though if he doesn't want to get stood back up.
It looks like Johnson might be adopting somewhat of a lay and pray gameplan here, which I'm sure won't go down too well with the paying fans in attendance... Or the ring announcers come to think of it.
Hasselhoff keeping moving, preventing Johnson from controlling successfully.
Johnson must be cautious of submissions here, given that his opponent has the superior Jiu Jitsu.
Johnson showing good wrestling skills to control the position.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.

Hasselhoff has his foot on Johnson's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. Johnson works his way back into a safe position though.

Hasselhoff is looking for a triangle but Johnson pushes his legs off easily.
The fighters are tangled up in the ropes here. We might need a restart if the fighters can't break free themselves.
Johnson stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Hasselhoff swivels though and keeps the full guard.

That's one minute gone in the round.

Hasselhoff looking for submissions off his back, moving his hips, looking for an opening.
Johnson stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Hasselhoff swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Johnson is just sitting in guard, looking to avoid any submissions.

Hasselhoff has his foot on Johnson's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. Johnson works his way back into a safe position though.
Hasselhoff can't do much from the bottom at the moment, as Johnson controls the pace.
Johnson's corner are shouting for him to control the position and he seems happy to oblige.
Hasselhoff keeping moving, preventing Johnson from controlling successfully.

Johnson got a little sloppy there for a moment and Hasselhoff has worked his way into a loose triangle - can he finish it?! No, Johnson has managed to get both his arms back between Hasselhoff's legs - danger averted.
Johnson sitting in guard, not really doing much.
Johnson is looking to advance position but Hasselhoff has hit a scissor sweep - now he's on top in mount!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Johnson is desperately trying to get back to half guard.

Hasselhoff looking to secure an arm triangle but Johnson defends it well.
Johnson tries to lock up and control but Hasselhoff gives him a forearm to the face and pushes him away.
Johnson holds on, trying desperately to control.
Johnson really doesn't want to stay on the ground with Hasselhoff. If he can't get it back to his feet, it's only a matter of time before he'll be tapping out.
Hasselhoff punching from mount but Johnson doing a good job of avoiding damage.
Johnson is working to get back to half guard.
The fighters are trapped in the ropes so we're going to have a reposition here. The ref calls for a break and repositions the fighters in the center of the ring.

Hasselhoff working for a submission but Johnson is keeping him at bay.
Johnson can't escape the position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Johnson wants to hold on but Hasselhoff pushes him away.
Johnson sneaks a leg under to get to half guard.
Johnson makes his way to full guard. A much better position for Johnson.
Hasselhoff wants to control from the top but Johnson keeps moving.
A real slowdown in the pace of the fight for a moment, as Johnson holds on and takes a little breather.
Hasselhoff postures up.
Johnson is pulling down on Hasselhoff's head to control his posture.
Hasselhoff preventing the sweep.
Hasselhoff will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
Hasselhoff postures up.

Hasselhoff drops back looking for a leg! Johnson is in trouble here! The fighters roll with the hold and Johnson manages to kick Hasselhoff off! Hasselhoff jumps back into Johnson's guard.
Hasselhoff working some ground and pound from guard but it's not doing any damage.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Hasselhoff is trying to work a guillotine from the top, or something like that? Don't know how he thinks he's going to get a finish from there.
Hasselhoff stopping the sweep attempt from Johnson.
We're hearing some news coming in from back stage. It's official - Johnson has eaten all the pies!
Johnson managing to control the position.

Hasselhoff drops back looking for a leg! Johnson is in trouble here! The fighters roll with the hold and Johnson manages to kick Hasselhoff off! Hasselhoff jumps back into Johnson's guard.
Hasselhoff wants to control from the top but Johnson keeps moving.

Hasselhoff drops back looking for a leg! Johnson is in trouble here! The fighters roll with the hold and Johnson manages to kick Hasselhoff off! Hasselhoff jumps back into Johnson's guard.

Hasselhoff thinks about going for a leg but decides against it, in order to maintain the position.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Johnson is pulling down on Hasselhoff's head. It's preventing any offense from Hasselhoff, at least for the moment.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Hershel Hasselhoff dominated that round.
That's the end of the interval. I'm sure that seemed a lot quicker than a minute for our two fighters! Back to the action.

Hasselhoff feints and as Johnson raises his hands in defense, Hasselhoff changes levels and drives through with a takedown into guard.
Johnson has a closed guard, preventing anything of note from happening. Perhaps he's looking to stall.

Hasselhoff drops back for a leg! It's a sloppy attempt though and Hasselhoff jumps back into guard quickly, to retain the dominant position.

Hasselhoff is trying to work a guillotine from the top, or something like that? Don't know how he thinks he's going to get a finish from there.
Johnson seems keen to control rather than go for a submission, at least for now.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Hasselhoff won't allow Johnson to sweep him here.
Hasselhoff landing with the ground and pound.
Johnson controlling Hasselhoff's posture.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Johnson is working an open guard here, looking to improve his position. No doubt that will leave him open to counters but at least he's being more offensive.

Hasselhoff drops back for a leg! It's a sloppy attempt though and Hasselhoff jumps back into guard quickly, to retain the dominant position.
Hasselhoff trying to control the position from guard on top but Johnson is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Johnson managing to control the position.
Hasselhoff postures up.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.

Hasselhoff thinks about going for a leg but decides against it, in order to maintain the position.
Johnson managing to control the position.

The referee has decided to stand the fighters back up, so we'll restart on the feet.

Johnson gets a takedown into half guard.
Hasselhoff is looking to regain full guard. Not this time though.

Hasselhoff is looking to sinch up a guillotine here but Johnson pulls his head out easily.
Johnson trying to pass the guard but Hasselhoff defending well.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Hasselhoff is looking to sinch up a guillotine here but Johnson pulls his head out easily.
Johnson is trying to control the action in half guard but Hasselhoff is working away on the bottom, looking perhaps to get back to full guard.
Hasselhoff trying to control here.
Johnson controlling the action here.
Hasselhoff regains full guard. Nicely done.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Neither fighter has done anything of merit for a good minute or two here and the crowd are not happy about it.

Hasselhoff looking for a guillotine here but Johnson defends easily.

Johnson avoids a guillotine attempt easily.
Johnson engaging in some classic timewasting tactics.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close second round but I would say that Hershel Hasselhoff will probably get the nod.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin! This is the final round!

Hasselhoff gets taken down but at least he's managed to land in guard.

Hasselhoff looking for submissions from the bottom here. Moving his hips around, possibly looking for an armbar.

Hasselhoff is looking for a guillotine. You can't force these things though and Johnson defends well.

Hasselhoff is active off his back here, looking for submissions.
Johnson controls from within his opponent's guard.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.

Hasselhoff escapes his hips to the side and looks to be working for an armbar. Johnson gives him a little smile and shakes his head. No chance.
Johnson wants to pass the guard but Hasselhoff is keeping the position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Johnson slows down the pace of the fight for a moment. He'll need to remain active if he doesn't want to see the fight stood back up.

Hasselhoff is working actively off his back, looking to secure an arm or perhaps work for a triangle.

Hasselhoff working from the bottom, still in full guard. He's managed to get a loose triangle. Johnson doesn't seem to be doing much to defend here, obviously he feels comfortable in the position. Johnson manages to throw the legs off his shoulder and he's back into guard - no problem.

Hasselhoff throwing his legs up looking for a triangle.

Johnson avoids a guillotine attempt easily.
Hasselhoff can't keep his opponent in guard - Johnson advances to half guard, no doubt looking to mount.
Johnson looks over to his corner - he wants some instructions but his corner are not responding.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Let's hope that Johnson has the urge to step up the pace any second now because for the last 15 or 20 seconds he's just been holding on tight.

Hasselhoff looking to work for a kimura from the bottom.
Johnson trying to control from half guard but Hasselhoff is working away.

Hasselhoff is looking to sinch up a guillotine here but Johnson pulls his head out easily.
Johnson prevents Hasselhoff from improving his position.
Johnson takes a deep breath and rests his weight momentarily on top of his opponent, to control the position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
We're seeing a lot of stalling here from Johnson.

Hasselhoff is looking to sinch up a guillotine here but Johnson pulls his head out easily.
Well, if Johnson is going to just lie there, perhaps we should talk about what we're having for dinner tonight… I'm having a ham and pineapple pizza… Yum. Can't wait.
Johnson is continuing to stall.
Yet more stalling tactics from Johnson.

Hasselhoff actively working from the bottom here.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are hurling abuse towards the fighters... You can hardly blame them though because there isn't a lot going on in the fight.

Hasselhoff actively working from the bottom here.
Hasselhoff is trying to maintain the position but Johnson is very close to passing his half guard.
Johnson content to control rather than advance.
The adventures of Johnson the control monster continue. Boring.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Johnson wants to free his trapped foot but Hasselhoff is holding on for dear life with his legs.
Dick Johnson has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Hershel Hasselhoff is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.

Johnson is trying a forearm choke… I don't think that's going to do much at this level of the game.

And that's the end of the fight!
Dick Johnson comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
Well Hasselhoff has outscored his opponent in every aspect of the fight today. Only a scarily incompetent judge or two will keep him from a well deserved win... Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Robert Douchet scores the fight 29:28
Judge Dillan Fox scores the fight 29:28
Judge Ian Loll scores the fight 29:28

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Hershel Hasselhoff!