PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Thoreaux AssKicken (ranked 1242 p4p, 201 weight class) and Rage Parade (ranked 2060 p4p, 303 weight class). AssKicken comes to the cage accompanied by Winds of Change. Parade has chosen I KILL Cause I'm Hungry as his entrance music. Over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

AssKicken
vs
Parade

190 cm
30
215 lbs
17 - 12 - 1

183 cm
27
205 lbs
10 - 8 - 0

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Insanely flexible

Olympic wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank

KOMBAT KLOTHING

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 17 - 12 - 1, fighting out of Amsterdam, Thoreaux AssKicken!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 10 - 8 - 0, fighting out of London, Rage Parade!
The judges for this bout are Shigeki Sano, Hirohito Nitta and Yukihiro Shimada.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Parade swings widly with a right hand

and AssKicken decides to take the opportunity to score a takedown. He's landed in Parade's guard.
AssKicken is looking to advance position but Parade has hit a scissor sweep - now he's on top in mount!

The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
AssKicken regains half guard.
AssKicken is looking to regain full guard. Not this time though.
Parade misses with a head shot. AssKicken uses the momentum to regain guard.
Parade looking to sit in guard and control but AssKicken gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.

AssKicken tries to free his leg and advance position but Parade is retaining full guard.
Parade is trying to stand up but he's not managed so far.

That's one minute gone in the round.
AssKicken tries to free his leg and advance position but Parade is retaining full guard.

Parade wriggles free and stands up.
Parade scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.

It looks like Thoreaux AssKicken has been cut.
Parade throws a quick inside leg kick.
Parade throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Rage Parade is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
AssKicken connects with a jab.
Parade lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
AssKicken misses with a combination
and Parade counters with a slapping leg kick.
Parade checks a leg kick.
Parade steps to the side to avoid the strikes from AssKicken.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Good work by AssKicken as he checks the leg kick.
It looked like AssKicken was trying to counter with a body shot coming off that last attack from Parade.
AssKicken has been working on his boxing with his coaches at Scotty's Yard in the buildup to the fight.
AssKicken uses good footwork to get in and out and land a nice right hand before Parade has time to react.

It looks like Rage Parade has been cut.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Parade missing with a left hand there. AssKicken was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
A big right from AssKicken misses.
AssKicken backing away here, and Parade unleashes a leg kick that just misses.
Parade gets cracked with a nice right hand there by AssKicken.
AssKicken just misses with a punch to the body.
That's a knee to de groin and it's over and out! AssKicken crumples to the ground after an illegal strike from Parade - the referee stops the clock and AssKicken gets 5 minutes to recover from that one. "I'm sorry" says Parade. AssKicken manages to get back to his feet and the fight resumes.
AssKicken lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
AssKicken closes the distance and clinches up with Parade, looking for a takedown. AssKicken pushes Parade against the cage but Parade circles to the side and manages to break the clinch.
Parade looked like he wanted to counter with a punch but didn't throw it.
AssKicken connects with a lovely jab that went straight through the gap between Parade's hands.
Parade wants to clinch up but AssKicken keeps it at a distance.
Parade pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
AssKicken appears to be looking for a counter punch to the body.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
AssKicken moves his head to the side to avoid a jab but walks straight into a cross.
The crowd cheers as AssKicken lands an impressive looking overhand right. Parade doesn't seem phased though.
A left lands for AssKicken.
AssKicken wants to clinch up but Parade keeps it at a distance.
A countering left hand to the body from Parade misses.
AssKicken fakes a jab and scores with a low kick.
Parade pivots, looking for a leg kick but AssKicken is out of range and Parade settles back down.
A head kick misses from Parade.
Parade takes a jab on the nose there. A little bit of blood seems to be coming out. Hopefully that won't affect his breathing.
Parade walks straight into a jab right on the nose. That one stung - he's blinking and trying to clear his head.

That has opened up Rage Parade's cut even more.
Parade slips a jab from AssKicken.
Parade scores with a jab to the jaw of his opponent.
AssKicken slips a straight right by Parade.
An attempted straight right counter from AssKicken misses the target.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
AssKicken throws a hook but Parade blocks it.
Parade misses with a hook. AssKicken ducked under it nicely.
Sloppy strikes from AssKicken. Those never looked like landing.
Parade steps to the side to avoid the strikes from AssKicken.
Parade follows through with a counter body kick but it doesn't land.
Parade uses good head movement to avoid the hook from AssKicken.
Parade ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
Parade lands with a cross to side of his opponent's head.
AssKicken misses with a hook

and Parade counters with a crisp right hand that drops AssKicken! Parade lets AssKicken back up to his feet, looking for a finish!

AssKicken is rocked!
A head kick by Parade - that's a beauty! AssKicken is out but he's somehow still standing... he's going... going... gone. Like a drunk walking down the middle of the road, the inevitable face plant follows and the delayed knockout arrives. Even Parade can't help but laugh at the bizarre end to this one!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:48 of round 1, we have a winner by way of KO (Head Kick). Rage Parade!
A relieved looking Rage Parade thanked the fans for their support and gave the usual line about them being amazing. They seemed to believe that he actually meant it.