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Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Matthew Guglielmetti (ranked 4734 p4p, 346 weight class) and Long Schlong (ranked 4000 p4p, 325 weight class). There are an array of beautiful celebrities at ringside tonight! I wonder if any of them paid for their tickets.



168 cm
21
158 lbs
1 - 1 - 0
178 cm
20
150 lbs
4 - 6 - 0
Good wrestling
Excellent boxer
Granite chin
Good wrestler
Excellent MT
Good gas tank


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-


Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 1 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Matthew Guglielmetti!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 4 - 6 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Long Schlong!
The judges for this bout are Stewart Dunkirk, Alan Glass and Cecil Peabody.




The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Jab from Guglielmetti.

Schlong moves into the clinch.
Schlong misses with some punches.
A right hook to the body lands for Schlong.
Guglielmetti is working for a takedown up against the ropes. He can't get it on this occasion though.
Schlong lands on the inside with an uppercut.
Schlong prevents a body shot from Guglielmetti.

Schlong's corner calls for him to break the clinch, which he does.
Guglielmetti misses with a double jab.
Guglielmetti throws a right hand that Schlong ducks under and follows up with a left that Schlong also avoids with ease.
And Schlong tries to counter it with a takedown but Guglielmetti pushes his down on his head and steps out.
Schlong connects with the punch.
Guglielmetti looks to score with a jab to the body but Schlong is just out of range.
Good shot there by Schlong.
Schlong uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Guglielmetti.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Guglielmetti misses with a hook. Schlong ducked under it nicely.
Guglielmetti lands with a two punch combination before moving back out of range.
Schlong attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.

That's one minute gone in the round.
A jab from Guglielmetti misses.
Schlong tries to counter with a clinch but Guglielmetti shakes him off and moves away.
Schlong fakes and then throws a beautiful body shot. Guglielmetti looks a bit winded and takes a step backwards to take a breath.
A looping hook to the body misses from Guglielmetti. Schlong does a little dance to reset his feet.
The fighters circling - Guglielmetti throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Guglielmetti keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Schlong thuds a left hand into Guglielmetti's body.
Schlong shoots for a double leg takedown but Guglielmetti sprawls well. He's pushed Schlong's face into the mat and manages to get back to his feet relatively easily.
Guglielmetti works the jab nicely.
Guglielmetti connects with a nice looking jab.
Guglielmetti tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Schlong was well out of range. Poor timing from Guglielmetti.
Guglielmetti with poor footwork there. He got himself in a bit of a tangle, enabling Schlong to score with a decent uppercut.

Schlong gets in close and instigates a clinch.
Schlong wants to stall.
Guglielmetti pushes Schlong back against the ropes and lands a hook to the side of the head.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.

Schlong manages to pull guard.

Schlong looking for submissions from the bottom here. Moving his hips around, possibly looking for an armbar.

Guglielmetti decides to stand up and beckons his opponent to follow.
Schlong is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Guglielmetti.
Guglielmetti throws an ugly left hook that misses

and Schlong counters with a single leg into guard. Guglielmetti didn't expect that.
The fighters are trapped in the ropes so we're going to have a reposition here. The ref calls for a break and repositions the fighters in the center of the ring.
There's a bit of a scramble here and now Guglielmetti is on top in guard.


Schlong escapes his hips to the side and looks to be working for an armbar. Guglielmetti gives him a little smile and shakes his head. No chance.
Schlong controls Guglielmetti momentarily but Guglielmetti frees himself.

Schlong is active off his back here, looking for submissions.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Schlong escapes his hips to the side and looks to be working for an armbar. Guglielmetti gives him a little smile and shakes his head. No chance.
Guglielmetti wants to control from the top but Schlong keeps moving.
The fighters are tangled up in the ropes here. We might need a restart if the fighters can't break free themselves.

Schlong has his foot on Guglielmetti's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. Guglielmetti works his way back into a safe position though.
Guglielmetti content to stall in guard here.

Guglielmetti avoids a guillotine attempt easily.
Guglielmetti wants to control from the top but Schlong keeps moving.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are showing their displeasure at the lack of action as loud boos ring out around the arena.
A real slowdown in the pace of the fight for a moment, as Schlong holds on and takes a little breather.
Schlong is trying to keep Guglielmetti in close.

Guglielmetti got a little sloppy there for a moment and Schlong has worked his way into a loose triangle - can he finish it?! No, Guglielmetti has managed to get both his arms back between Schlong's legs - danger averted.
Schlong looking to sweep here. No luck so far.
Schlong is working from a closed guard but he's struggling to control his opponent.
Schlong is in a good position here but he's just trying to control... And he's not even managing to do that successfully.
Guglielmetti is stalling in the full guard.

Schlong is working actively off his back, looking to secure an arm or perhaps work for a triangle.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close round but Long Schlong will probably get the nod.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action!


Schlong cracks Guglielmetti with a hook to the jaw. Both fighters smile at eachother and high-five before getting back down to business.
Nice defenses there by Guglielmetti.
Guglielmetti takes a swing at Schlong's ribcage but misses.
Schlong has used his reach advantage pretty well so far tonight.
Guglielmetti avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Schlong fakes a jab and scores with a low kick.
Guglielmetti avoids the body shot from Schlong.
Guglielmetti thows a left - swing and a miss!
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
A slow jab from Guglielmetti misses its intended target.
Schlong lands with a hook. Guglielmetti tried to avoid it but it clipped the top of his head.
Guglielmetti uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Schlong.
Schlong bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
Schlong tries a counter takedown but it's more of a dummy move, and he uses it to push himself away.
Schlong lunges at Guglielmetti with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Guglielmetti's hand.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Guglielmetti stumbles momentarily as he takes a strong leg kick from Schlong.
Schlong has been working his punching technique in the buildup to the fight and it appears to be paying off.
Guglielmetti fails to land with a series of punches.
Schlong lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Schlong takes a shot right to the liver - Bas would have been proud of that punch.
Schlong takes a body punch but keeps moving.
Schlong slips under a jab from Guglielmetti.
Schlong lands with an uppercut that bounces Guglielmetti off the ropes and back into range.
Schlong pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
Schlong throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
A shot to the liver by Guglielmetti. Beautiful body shot.
Guglielmetti misses with a straight right.
Schlong connects with a single shot there.
Guglielmetti throws a series of punches but Schlong avoids them all with ease.
Matthew Guglielmetti is winning the standup battle so far.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
A telegraphed right hand from Guglielmetti misses the target.
Schlong connects with a solid leg kick.
Schlong lands with a thumping leg kick.
A slow jab from Schlong misses its intended target.
Guglielmetti throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Schlong stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Nice defenses there by Schlong.
Guglielmetti fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Schlong manages to avoid it.
Guglielmetti misses with a jab to the body

and Schlong counters with a driving takedown into guard. Nice work there by Schlong.
Guglielmetti working a defensive guard here.
Schlong trying to control but Guglielmetti is working from the bottom.
Schlong passes into half guard under a barage of strikes.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Guglielmetti trying to control but Schlong postures up.
Guglielmetti is not content to let Schlong control the position.
Long Schlong has got the better of the ground game so far.

Schlong wants to work for an arm triangle but Guglielmetti is really keeping half guard well and defending the submission attempt.

Schlong is looking for a kimura but Guglielmetti is holding onto that half guard position, so it's hard for Schlong to get the leverage.

Schlong is looking for a kimura. It's going to be difficult to finish that from half guard though and Guglielmetti defends it well.
Guglielmetti is working for an escape here. He's hooked one of Schlong's legs and he's managed to sneak out and take Schlong's back!
Guglielmetti doesn't have the hooks in and Schlong manages to turn into his guard.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Guglielmetti tries to land a sweep but no joy.
Guglielmetti keeping moving, preventing Schlong from controlling successfully.
Schlong trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Guglielmetti trying to keep a closed guard but Schlong is proving a slippery customer.
Schlong wants to pass the guard but Guglielmetti is keeping the position.
Schlong trying to control but Guglielmetti is working from the bottom.
Guglielmetti trying to strike from the bottom but really, it's not the best position to be doing that from!
Schlong passes easily into side control. Nice work.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Long Schlong showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final round!


Guglielmetti lands a jab. Then a cross. Then finally a nice hook to the body. Good work there by Guglielmetti.


It looks like Long Schlong has been cut.
Guglielmetti missing with a left hand there. Schlong was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Guglielmetti throws a left and a right that both miss
and Schlong counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.
Schlong scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.
Nice uppercut there from Guglielmetti.
Guglielmetti looks to score with a jab to the body but Schlong is just out of range.

Schlong closes the distance and clinches up, looking for a takedown. He shifts his weight and gets a nice trip into half guard.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Schlong is keen to just control but Guglielmetti is a slippery customer.
Guglielmetti tries to get to full guard but Schlong has control of the leg.
Guglielmetti wants to stand back up but Schlong manages to pass into side control.
You can see the frustration on Guglielmetti's face, being in this tough position on the bottom.

That's one minute gone in the round.

Schlong working hard here to secure a kimura but he's not really in the right position for it.

Schlong looking for an arm triangle but it's way too loose to do anything.

Schlong tries for a kimura but Guglielmetti is defending well.
Guglielmetti is trying to improve his position.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are showing their displeasure at the lack of action as loud boos ring out around the arena.

Schlong wants to work for a kimura but he's foiled early by Guglielmetti, who protects the arm well.
Guglielmetti manages to get back to half guard.

Schlong is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Guglielmetti sees it coming and defends easily.
Schlong is looking to pass the guard... He's managed it - he's now in full mount!
Schlong wants to take Guglielmetti's back here but Guglielmetti is holding on to an arm, himself looking to escape.
Schlong takes Guglielmetti's back. Could be looking for a rear naked choke here - either way, Guglielmetti is in trouble.

Schlong looking for the choke from the back.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Guglielmetti prevents Schlong from getting a body triangle.
Guglielmetti is trying to break free.
Schlong avoiding Guglielmetti 's attempts to control his hands.

Schlong looking for the choke but no joy.
Guglielmetti is in bad spot here.
Guglielmetti is trying to get back to his feet but he's not managed it yet.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.
Schlong controlling from the back.

Schlong is looking to finish the fight by rear naked choke. Guglielmetti knows exactly what he's got planned though, so he's defending well. Maybe a few strikes would soften Guglielmetti for a finish.

Guglielmetti showing good submission defense here.
Schlong doesn't have the hooks in and Guglielmetti manages to turn into his guard.

Schlong had isolated an arm as going for a kimura. Guglielmetti defends it easily.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Schlong working a defensive guard but Guglielmetti passes into half guard.

And that's the end of the fight!
Long Schlong comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
I've got Schlong winning every round here. Surely the decision will go his way and he'll pick up a well deserved decision victory. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.

Judge Stewart Dunkirk scores the fight for Long Schlong!
Judge Alan Glass scores the fight for Long Schlong!
Judge Cecil Peabody scores the fight for Long Schlong!

Long Schlong wins by unanimous decision!

Long Schlong decided to go for the less than humble approach in his post fight interview, telling everyone how he is going to conquer the world. The crowd seemed to like it when really that sort of approach could have gone either way.
S C
A
G S C
B
G S C G energy
A | B
hype
A | B
pop
A | B
mgr
A | B
FIGHT
RATING
49%
 
 
 
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