The Human Tampon "Bleeding Spanner"

Fighter profile of Bleeding Spanner by Chris Karter

Bleeding Spanner is a 16-3 Heavyweight fighter out of Camp Blake & Blake. Spanner's most impressive win of his young career came when he knocked out a gassed Henry Akinwande to capture the HW title. The most impressive name on his resume however is Kilo "Bloodbath" Maluga. Officially, the record states it is a TKO Cut victory for Mr. Spanner, but in reality it was a rigged result. #1 BS implemented by the corrupt judges after Valentina gave handy's to the doctor with no principles.

Kilo was robbed of his epic destruction of his foe and now he's preparing for a rematch. Spanner has stated that Kilo is the toughest opponent he's ever seen, faced, or entered the cage with, and that he stained his shorts brown, not red, when he fought Kilo. He told us the trick was luring Kilo into a game of slap fighting. Smiling and hugging it out, this confused the war machine from Kiribati, and threw him off his game enough for Spanner to open up a cut and give the doctor an excus
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The Ballad of Demon Monkey

Fighter profile of Demon Monkey by Freako Wimp

Let me tell you a story.

Back in 2016, when I returned to Tycoon, the first fighter I built was named Demon Monkey. Demon Monkey is a welterweight. A bald, ugly welterweight with a patchy and unkempt donut.



I cooked him for 7 months and debuted in him in ABW. He popped a granite chin and finished 2 of his 3 first opponents. At 3-0, he earned a title fight against fellow prospect Hairy Scrotum. Hairy Scrotum then kicked Monkey's ass all over the cage for 10 minutes, before finishing him early in the third. He ended up washing out of ABW shortly thereafter, on the heels of a 4 fight losing streak.

In his first 15 fights, he went 8-6-1, with two of those wins being tepid decisions over jobbers in the QFC. He'd go on to earn another ABW contract and earned another title shot after two straight wins, only to once again get destroyed. This time by Elgin Turner. After the Turner loss, Monkey's record was a pathetic 10-
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The Mexican Named Daniel

Fighter profile of Daniel Yonic by Chris Karter

Daniel Yonic was born in Mexico. He jumped the border before Trump could build his wall and keep his kind out of God's country. Yonic is an aspiring mixed martial artist who doesn't quite comprehende the mixed martial arts aspect of combat, and his striking leaves much to be desired.

At 172 CM in the middleweight division, he's a short, stubby, little warrior. At 30 years old, it doesn't look like he will ever "get it" and he is on a 2-4 skin since signing with Davey Mack and Redemption Club.

His opponent, Dre Battle, had nothing bad to say about Yonic and expressed his appreciation that he'll be collecting an easy paycheck in their upcoming bout, but a ninja has to eat.

Chris Karter respects Davey Mack, they've smoked some ganja with each other before, but he says they both know his fighter has no chance and this is a sacrifice to the blood gods.

Keith Kenneth Ferkingstad Releases Hit Single

Fighter profile of Keith Kenneth Ferkingstad by Freako Wimp

Café MM at Kopervik, Karmøy, was filled to capacity as local celebrity and KoF: Iron Wolf lightweight contender Keith Kenneth Ferkingstad made his triumphant return to his home after another dominating submission win.

The usually rowdy crowd was unusually quiet as Ferkingstad grabbed the microphone. Women fainted, men peed their pants, and wide-eyed children marvelled as he started talking in his famous baritone.

'Like many Karmøy men before me, my heart has been stolen by a foreign beauty', Ferkingstad said. 'This particular wildflower, however, came with some baggage. Namely, a young child. I intend to raise the child as my own, fetal alcohol syndrome be damned. In order to show her how serious I am about our relationship, I've written a song about it. This is 'Sweet Patricia'.'

The crowd went wild as Ferkingstad started singing

The time before I met you
My heart was in a tizzy
But when I first laid e
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