PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Long Schlong (ranked 2320 p4p, 1774 weight class) and 3 Piece Soda (ranked 236 p4p, 192 weight class). Soda comes into a darkened arena with his song building. 3 Nights kicks in, the lights come on and the crowd goes wild! What a showman! Both fighters look fresh as a daisy as they make their way towards the cage.

Schlong
vs
Soda

178 cm
31
148
12 - 12 - 1

165 cm
29
150
7 - 5 - 0

Great wrestler
World class boxer
Insanely flexible

Excellent grappler
World class MT
Granite chin

Conviction

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 12 - 12 - 1, fighting out of Las Vegas, Long Schlong!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 7 - 5 - 0, fighting out of Amsterdam, 3 Piece Soda!
The judges for this bout are Frank Dennis, Gwen Towbar and Robert Twigg.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
A swing and a miss from Schlong.
Soda throws a jab but it's blocked by Schlong.
Soda misses with a straight right.

Soda clinches with his opponent.
Soda tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Schlong's elbow.
Soda pushes Schlong back against the cage and lands a hook to the side of the head.
Soda tries to throw a body punch but Schlong avoids it by throwing Soda back against the cage.
Some stalling of biblical proportions here from Schlong.
Come on Schlong - let's have some action - none of this stalling nonsense.
Schlong lands a left hand that snaps the head of Soda backwards.
Schlong is trying to maintain a safe position but Soda gets an underhook and turns Schlong into the cage.
Schlong working aggressively here.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Schlong scores with a shoulder strike.
Soda working aggressively here.
Soda can't find room to land a body shot as Schlong controls the action.
A short right from Soda.
Soda misses with a punch to the body.
A quick uppercut on the inside from Schlong.
Soda tries to take the fight to the ground by pulling guard but can't manage it.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Schlong avoiding damage.
Schlong misses with a body punch.
Soda presses Schlong against the cage and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
A short uppercut from Schlong.
A short right from Schlong on the inside.
Soda misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Soda tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.
A hook to the body from Schlong.

Soda's corner calls for him to break the clinch, which he does.
Schlong connects with a crisp jab.
Schlong misses with a takedown
and Soda counters with a nice uppercut.
Soda takes a really solid shot there but just smiles back and shrugs his shoulders.
Nice cross by Soda.
Soda jabs at Schlong's body.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Schlong throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Soda.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Schlong throws a sloppy body shot
and Soda counters with a nice jab to the body that keeps Schlong thinking.
Schlong darts in looking for a takedown but Soda gets double underhooks and turns Schlong into the cage.
Schlong has Soda pressed against the cage, preventing Soda from circling away and getting back to striking at range.
A right handed body shot lands from Soda.
Soda tries to throw a body punch but Schlong avoids it by throwing Soda back against the cage.
Soda scores with a shot to the side of Schlong's head.
Soda misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Soda misses with a punch to the body.
Soda tries to throw a body punch but Schlong avoids it by throwing Soda back against the cage.
Soda lands a body shot in the clinch.
A right hand to the body from Schlong.
With the fighters clinched against the cage, Soda creates a bit of distance for himself and scores with a nice uppercut.
Soda goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
Soda misses with the head strike.
Schlong can't find room to land a body shot as Soda controls the action.
Soda tries a shoulder strike but it doesn't do any damage.
Soda misses with some punches.
Schlong misses with a body punch.
Soda fails to pull guard.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Soda throws a head punch that misses.
Soda lands with a light punch inside.
Schlong prevents a body shot from Soda.

Soda pulls guard successfully.
Schlong wants to pass the guard but Soda is keeping the position.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Schlong stands and throws Soda's legs to the side, diving into side control.
Soda is positioning himself to get back to half guard.
Schlong is looking to take a break and control but Soda is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.

Schlong is looking to finish here, going for an Americana. Soda knows the correct defense though, so he's OK.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Schlong is looking to take a break and control but Soda is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
Soda felt the need to train up his defensive grappling in the buildup to the fight. Presumably he was expecting to be in a difficult position like this, so let's see if he can get out of it.
Schlong wants to take a breather but Soda manages to regain guard - a lesson learnt for Schlong.
Schlong trying to control the position from guard on top but Soda is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Schlong stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Soda swivels though and keeps the full guard.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

3 Piece Soda dominated that round.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action!

Soda walks forward and throws out a flicking leg kick. Schlong checks it nicely though, as he moves to the side.
Soda moving in and out of range nicely, whilst landing the scoring shot.
Schlong connects with a body shot that sends Soda's belly button to the back.
Schlong takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
Soda misses with a low kick.
Schlong tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Soda was well out of range. Poor timing from Schlong.
A nice side step and Soda releases a counter shot to the body, but it doesn't find it's home.
Soda scores with a punch to the gut of his opponent.
Soda thuds his shin into the meat of Schlong's side.
Soda tries to close the distance and clinch up against the cage but Schlong paws at him with a jab and circles away.
Schlong misses with a straight right.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Soda scores with a jab to the body.
Soda lands with an overhand left.

Schlong closes the distance, clinches up and gets a nice trip takedown into side control. Very smooth.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Soda struggling a bit here.
Schlong wants to control but Soda is keeping him busy.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Soda is trying to control Schlong's posture but Schlong avoids it.
Schlong is looking to take a break and control but Soda is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
Soda can't do much from the bottom here.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A lull in the action here being met with boos from the crowd.
Schlong trying to control the position but Soda is working away.
Schlong will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
Soda wants to control but Schlong postures up.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.

Schlong tries for an arm triangle. That looks pretty tight to me. Is this one over!?! Possibly, maybe, no Schlong has let go of the choke. Obviously it wasn't as tight as we thought!
Schlong taking a breather here.
Soda wants to control but Schlong postures up.
Schlong trying to control the position but Soda is working away.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Schlong staying calm.
Soda is not content to let Schlong control the position.

The ref stands the fighters back up due to a lack of activity.
Schlong throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Soda.
Schlong has his head snapped back a nice jab. A little nod from Schlong there as he acknowledges the shot.

Excellent takedown into side control there by Schlong.
Soda struggling a bit here.
Schlong taking a break here but Soda is having none of it and regains half guard.
Neither fighter is being very active at the moment, with Schlong in particular looking to stall.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Schlong wants to pass to mount but Soda is defending the position.

Schlong is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Soda sees it coming and defends easily.

Soda is looking to sinch up a guillotine here but Schlong pulls his head out easily.

Soda looking for submissions from an awkward position here.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Soda is looking to improve his position.
Soda won't allow Schlong to pass to mount.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Long Schlong dominated that second round.
The referee calls time. The cornermen exit stage left and we're back to business. This is the final round!

Soda closes the distance and clinches.
A nice left hand lands by Soda.
The two fighters are working to gain dominance in the clinch.
Soda misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Soda tries to pull guard but can't drag his opponent to the mat. Schlong just stands there and leans against the cage.
Schlong is looking to control Soda's arms but Soda gets an underhook and turns him. Now Schlong has his back to the cage.
Good anti-grappling being displayed by Soda as Schlong tries to tie him up.
Schlong's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
The referee calls for Schlong to work.
Schlong tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Soda's elbow.
A frustrated look appears on Soda's face as he tries to break the clinch.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Soda blocks a couple of punches on the inside.
Soda throws a punch but it's blocked by Schlong.
A nice left hand lands by Schlong.
Soda lands on the inside with an uppercut.
A short right hand to the side of the head by Soda.

Soda breaks the clinch.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Soda pushes Schlong away with a front kick.
Schlong with a nice cross.
Soda slips a jab and a cross from Schlong.
Soda keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Schlong uses good footwork to get in and out and land a nice right hand before Soda has time to react.
Schlong gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Soda.
3 Piece Soda seems to be getting the better of the standup.
Soda misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Schlong.
Soda lands with a straight right. Schlong didn't see that one coming.
Schlong looks to land a right hand but Soda moved out of range.
A slow jab from Soda misses its intended target.
Schlong tries to score a power double leg takedown but Soda sees that one coming and sprawls well. That will dishearten Schlong somewhat.
Schlong looks to land a body kick but Soda moved away.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A shot to the liver by Soda. Beautiful body shot.
Schlong throws a jab, cross combination which is slipped

and Soda counters into the clinch. Nicely done.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Schlong tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Soda's elbow.
Schlong blocks a couple of punches on the inside.
The pace slowing considerably in the clinch, as Schlong takes a break from that fighting nonsense to think about the finer things in life.
Schlong prevents a body shot from Soda.
Soda is trying to work out of this bad position, with his back against the cage.
Schlong tries to stall but Soda uses the opportunity to gain a better position.
Schlong looking to stall.
Schlong misses with some punches.
Schlong leaning against his opponent.
Schlong lands with a short head shot on the inside.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Schlong.
Soda blocking some punches.
Soda lands a right hand that snaps the head of Schlong backwards.
Schlong is clearly stalling here... Pick up the pace son.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Schlong tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Soda's elbow.
Soda lands a body shot in the clinch.
Soda tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.

Soda manages to break the clinch.
Schlong fails miserably with a takedown attempt.
Schlong lands with a shot to the body.
Schlong with a poor takedown
and Soda counters with a straight right hand.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Long Schlong. That's going to take a lot out of him.
Schlong swats away the attempt to clinch by Soda.
A big left from Schlong misses.
Soda is trying to avoid his opponent's strikes and get into the clinch.
Schlong loads up on a big right hand but Soda slips the punch.
Soda throws out a counter right but Schlong avoids it with no problem.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Schlong connects with a body shot that sends Soda's belly button to the back.
Soda showing good head movement there, avoiding the strikes from Schlong.
Soda let fly with a counter punch to the body but it didn't land.

Schlong gets tackled into the cage by Soda. Soda maintains the clinch.
Schlong blocks a body shot from Soda.
Soda tries to work over Schlong's body with a swooping hook but it only glances the target.
Soda is trying to work out of this bad position, with his back against the cage.
Schlong taking a breather.
Schlong scores with a hook to the body.
3 Piece Soda seems to be working more effectively in the clinch in the fight so far.
Schlong misses with a punch on the inside.
Soda misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Soda lands a shoulder strike that jolts his opponent's head backwards.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Schlong slows down the pace here.
Schlong is stalling here. The referee will be looking to step in if he doesn't pick up the pace.

And that's the end of the fight!
3 Piece Soda comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
I think Soda has won this one but let's see whether the judges agree with me. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Frank Dennis scores the fight 28:29
Judge Gwen Towbar scores the fight 28:29
Judge Robert Twigg scores the fight 28:29

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... 3 Piece Soda!
A very excited looking 3 Piece Soda made sure he remembered to thank all the fans both in the arena and on the internet. He said all the coolest people spend all day on MMA websites, which got a big reaction.