PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Massive Wanker (ranked 143 p4p, 139 weight class) and Ivan Samsonov (ranked 29 p4p, 28 weight class). Wanker's entrance music is Running Free. A fine choice. Ivan Samsonov is staring across the cage at his opponent, tweaking his nipples.

Wanker
vs
Samsonov

225 cm
29
282
23 - 5 - 0

202 cm
33
255
24 - 10 - 0

Great wrestler
World class boxer
Insanely flexible

Good wrestler
World class boxer
Granite chin

Perkele!
Conviction

Voodoo Nutrition
Urban Fighter

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 23 - 5 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Massive Wanker!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 24 - 10 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Ivan Samsonov!
The judges for this bout are Chris Dean, Darius Henderson and Francis DeMontford.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Wanker scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Samsonov doesn't seem bothered though.
Jab, jab by Wanker - just one landing.
Wanker falls off balance throwing a combination
and Samsonov counters with a lovely shot to the body.
Massive Wanker seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Some bone on bone action there as Samsonov checks a low kick. Luckily it wasn't a particularly hard one.
Wanker throws a jab but it's blocked by Samsonov.
Wanker throws a leg kick
and Samsonov counters with a head kick. That will keep Wanker thinking before he tries any more sloppy attacks!
We've been hearing reports that Wanker has been drilling takedowns in recent sessions so let's see if that has an impact on the result of this fight.
Wanker throws a half hearted mid kick.
Wanker throws an off balance right hand
letting Samsonov counter with a right hand.
Wanker scores with a jab to the jaw.
Wanker gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Samsonov.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Wanker misses with a hook to the body

and Samsonov counters with a nice right hand that sends Wanker toppling to the canvas! Wanker scrambles and gets back to his feet - can Samsonov finish him?!

Wanker is rocked!
Samsonov looks more muscular than last time we saw him. He must have been on the weights.

Wanker has Samsonov up against the cage in a clinch.
Samsonov lands a shot to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.

Samsonov manages to break the clinch.
Samsonov tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Wanker shapes like he's going to throw a leg kick but settles back down.
Samsonov swings away with a counter right hand but no contact made.
A nice leg kick lands there from Wanker.
Wanker tries to grapple but his opponent circles
and Samsonov counters with a stiff right hand.
Samsonov avoids a lazy jab quite easily.

Samsonov lands a big right hand that sends Wanker crashing to the mat! Samsonov stays standing though and waves Wanker back to his feet!
Oh Wanker is still all over the place! His legs are completely gone! Will he be able to recover?!!
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Wanker connects with a good right hand that stumbles Samsonov. Samsonov circles away out of range and recomposes himself.
Wanker seems to have got his legs back now.
Samsonov is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Wanker.
Wanker really does look like a pencil wearing a pair of gloves. Let's hope he has a gameplan to suit that ridiculous body shape.

Wanker clinches.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Samsonov scores with a hook to the body.
Wanker tries to work over Samsonov's body with a swooping hook but it only glances the target.
A head punch on the inside from Wanker fails to land.
Wanker tries to land a shot to the body but it's blocked.

Samsonov breaks the clinch.
Wanker just misses with a punch to the body.

Wanker clinches up with Samsonov and pushes him back against the cage.
Samsonov goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
Wanker blocks a body shot from Samsonov.
Samsonov lands a hook to the side of the head.
Wanker lands a body punch.

Wanker jumps into guard, dragging Samsonov to the mat.
We could do with one of the fighters taking the initiative a bit more on the ground - they're both waiting to capitalize on a mistake.
Samsonov showing good wrestling skills to control the position.

Samsonov avoids a guillotine attempt easily.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Wanker being controlled here, momentarily.
Samsonov stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Wanker swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Wanker trying to keep a closed guard but Samsonov is proving a slippery customer.

Wanker looking for submissions off his back, moving his hips, looking for an opening.
Samsonov won't allow Wanker to sweep him here.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.
Wanker is working hard here to advance position.
Wanker wants to control but instead he gets his guard passed and Samsonov is now in half guard.
The referee calls for the fighters to work.
Samsonov trying to mount his opponent but Wanker defends it.

Wanker looking for submissions off his back.
Samsonov is looking to advance position but Wanker won't allow it.
Wanker wants to get back to full guard.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Ivan Samsonov dominated that round.
The corners get their ten second warning. Both fighters stand from their stools and stare each other down, ready to get back to the action.

Wanker throws a head kick that misses.
Samsonov wants to counter with a clinch but Wanker pushes him away.
The fighters are starting to get sweaty, which will make takedowns a bit more tricky.
Wanker digs a good body shot into Samsonov's ribs.
A looping hook to the body misses from Wanker. Samsonov does a little dance to reset his feet.
Samsonov takes one to the chin there.
Wanker throws an off balance right hand
letting Samsonov counter with a right hand.
Samsonov takes a head kick and shrugs it off.
Wanker throws a head kick that misses.
Samsonov is loading up here, looking for a big counter of his own.
Wanker stuns Samsonov with a nice body shot, before stepping back out of range.
Wanker pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Samsonov bobs and weaves and then throws a good body kick.
Samsonov lands with a cross to side of his opponent's head.
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Wanker thuds his right hand into Samsonov's forehead from close range. That could be painful for both fighters.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Samsonov throws a right hand that Wanker ducks under and follows up with a left that Wanker also avoids with ease.
Samsonov jabs at Wanker's body.
The crowd cheers as Wanker lands an impressive looking overhand right. Samsonov doesn't seem phased though.
Samsonov moves out of range of the leg kick from Wanker.
Wanker changes levels and scores with a jab to the body.
Wanker throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Wanker misses with a leg kick.
Samsonov avoids the body shot from Wanker.
Samsonov tries to counter by closing the distance.
Wanker throws an overhand right that lands on Samsonov's shoulder, as Samsonov tries to avoid the shot.
Wanker cracks Samsonov with a good shot that sees him stumbling back into the cage.
Wanker fakes a head shot and lands one to the body.
Wanker misses with a straight left.
Samsonov raises up his leg as if looking to counter with a high kick.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Samsonov uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Wanker.
Wanker throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Samsonov.
It seemed like Samsonov was going to counter with the hook but didn't fully commit to it.
Wanker throws a head kick that misses.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Wanker moves in looking to clinch but Samsonov pushes him off.
Samsonov appears to be waiting to throw a counter punch to the body.
Samsonov avoids the head kick by Wanker.
Wanker lunges at Samsonov with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Samsonov's hand.
A swing and a miss from Wanker.
A countering left hand to the body from Samsonov misses.
Wanker works the jab nicely.
Samsonov drops his hands momentarily and Wanker takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
Wanker misses the body punch
and Samsonov counters with a straight right hand.
Wanker misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Samsonov throws a shot from downtown. Wanker moves away and avoids it.
Samsonov throws a wild combination but nothing lands.
It looked like Wanker wanted to counter with a hook but didn't fully commit.
Wanker with a nice calf kick.
Wanker cracks Samsonov with a good shot that sees him stumbling back into the cage.
Wanker throws a nice hook to the body that draws an oooh from the crowd.
Samsonov takes a really solid shot there but just smiles back and shrugs his shoulders.
Wanker throws an off balance right hand
and Samsonov counters with a nice uppercut.
Crunch! Wanker slams his shin into Samsonov's torso.
Wanker misses with a left hand
and Samsonov counters with a straight right hand.
No joy there for Wanker, who threw a few shots but didn't land.
Wanker misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Samsonov.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Wanker slips under a jab.
Wanker throws a head kick but Samsonov moves out of range.
Samsonov doesn't fully commit to the body shot counter.
Wanker is looking to clinch.
Wanker sets himself, and Samsonov steps forward looking for the clinch! Wanker avoids it this time.
Samsonov misses with an uppercut. Wanker saw that one coming.
Samsonov misses with the combination.
Samsonov scores with a sloppy right hand. Wanker should have avoided that one.
Massive Wanker is winning the standup battle so far.
Wanker fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Samsonov manages to avoid it.
Wanker throws a series of punches but Samsonov moves out of range.
Wanker throws a head kick but Samsonov moves out of range.
Wanker tries to clinch up against the cage, rushing in to close the distance. Samsonov manages to break the clinch and circles back to the middle of the mat.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Massive Wanker dominated that second round.
That's time! Back to the action! And we move into the final round!

Wanker misses with a shot to the body
and Samsonov cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
Samsonov walks forward, straight into a front kick from Wanker.
Wanker scores with a nice body kick.
Wanker throws a quick head kick that skims the top of Samsonov's head.
Samsonov lands with a nice body punch.
Wanker throws a sloppy head kick and Samsonov moves out of range easily.
Samsonov looks like he wants to counter punch here.
Wanker moves away from the strike by Samsonov.
Wanker is using his height advantage well here, landing a good percentage of his punches.
Jab, jab by Wanker - just one landing.
A nice leg kick from Wanker, right into the meat of the thigh.
Boom, another hit is landed. "You're gunna get knocked out" taunts Samsonov, as that shot connected.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Wanker fakes with the hands and throws a leg kick but Samsonov is out of range.
A nice side step and Samsonov releases a counter shot to the body, but it doesn't find it's home.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Samsonov misses with an uppercut
and Wanker counters with a stiff right hand.
Wanker misses with a jab, cross combination.
Samsonov looked like he wanted to counter with a punch but didn't throw it.
Both fighters are breathing heavily.
Samsonov throws a head kick but Wanker moves out of range.
Samsonov steps to his left, right into the path of a big body kick from Wanker. That one must have hurt.
A decent looking body kick lands there for Wanker.
Samsonov misses with an uppercut. Wanker saw that one coming.
Wanker displaying good standup as he scores with a three punch combination.
Samsonov keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Samsonov takes a head kick and shrugs it off.
Wanker jabbing away but nothing is landing.
And an attempted straight right on the counter from Samsonov! But no joy.
Wanker connects with a right hand. Samsonov shakes it off.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Jab, jab by Wanker - just one landing.
Wanker tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Samsonov looks like he wants to counter punch here.
Samsonov dodges the punch combination from Wanker.
It seemed like Samsonov was going to counter with the hook but didn't fully commit to it.
Samsonov moves out of range of the strikes.
Wanker goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
Wanker throws a body punch but Samsonov moves out of range.
Samsonov connects with a single shot there.
Samsonov throws an overhand right that lands on Wanker's shoulder, as Wanker tries to avoid the shot.
Samsonov throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Wanker quickly followed up with a counter body kick but doesn't connect.
Wanker throws a shot to the body.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Wanker throws a lazy uppercut
and Samsonov counters with a nice uppercut.
Nice straight punches there by Wanker. You know Roy Jones Jr respects the hands of Wanker.
Samsonov throws a hook but Wanker avoids it easily.
Samsonov shakes his hands off, looking to compose himself, but takes a jab to the jaw whilst he does it.
Wanker throws a nice looking combination but Samsonov bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Wanker fails with an attempt to clinch.
Wanker misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Samsonov is looking for the big counter here.
A jab from Samsonov misses.
Wanker is using his reach advantage well here, landing the more effective single shots from range.
Wanker tests Samsonov's chin there with a solid looking shot.
Samsonov drops his hands and takes a jab to the jaw for his troubles.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Wanker misses with a shot to the body
and Samsonov counters with a three punch combo that has Wanker backing up. Wanker nods at Samsonov to acknowledge the strikes.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Samsonov takes a thudding leg kick, right into the meat of the thigh.
Samsonov misses the jab.
A decent looking cross lands there for Wanker.
Wanker slips in close and lands a nice hook before moving back out of range.
Wanker avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Wanker throws a quick counter head kick but Samsonov was just out of range.
Samsonov scores with a jab.
A good leg kick by Wanker.
Wanker misses with a body shot.
Nice cross by Wanker.

And that's the end of the fight!
Massive Wanker showed his dominance in that final round.
Well Wanker has outscored his opponent in every aspect of the fight today. Only a scarily incompetent judge or two will keep him from a well deserved win... Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Chris Dean scores the fight 29:28
Judge Darius Henderson scores the fight 29:28
Judge Francis DeMontford scores the fight 29:28

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Massive Wanker!
A relieved looking Massive Wanker thanked the fans for their support and gave the usual line about them being amazing. They seemed to believe that he actually meant it.
The defeated Ivan Samsonov had this to say: 'Путин убьет меня за это поражение'.